Chapter 35
"Li Zhuiyuan, you are really getting more disgusting now."
At this time, Li Weihan, Cui Guiying, the brothers and sisters of the Li family, Aunt Zhang and several fellow villagers who came to the canteen to buy things in the evening were all staring at Li Zhuiyuan with smiles and curiosity.
Everyone is quiet and everyone is very eager.
It is human nature to have a simple yearning for beautiful things.
There is nothing that can make onlookers feel more moved and gratified than a mother and son who are far apart but can listen to each other's thoughts.
Li Zhuiyuan still held the microphone tightly with both hands. The shy look on his face not only did not fade away, but became more intense. He turned slightly sideways, as if he wanted to avoid everyone's sight, but in everyone's eyes, But it's more like a child's desire to refuse and welcome.
Everyone thought this scene was cute, and the smiles on their faces became even brighter. They all opened their mouths slightly, waiting for the next conversation.
Although they can't hear the voice on the other side of the microphone, they can use the child's response to figure out what the child's mother said and asked.
"Mom, I am doing well at home, I am very well-behaved."
"Shouldn't you be angry? Shouldn't you throw the phone down angrily? Shouldn't you cry or make a fuss? Shouldn't you question me as a mother?
Oh, right, you don't.
Haha,
They are forming a circle around you and looking at you, right? ”
"Mom, I'm not homesick, I'm very happy here."
"Li Zhuiyuan, it's just the first time you've seen them, and it's also the first time they've seen you since you were born. So, is it necessary for you to continue performing in front of them?"
"My grandparents are very good to me. Panzi, Leizi, Yingzi, Shitou, Huzi, and my brothers and sisters are also very good to me. They all take me to play."
"Li Zhuiyuan, you are really hypocritical. You clearly despise them and think they are stupid and stupid, but you still want to create your image in front of them."
"The village is so fun. There are fields and canals. You can catch fish and frogs. The sauce made by grandma is delicious. Grandma said that you also liked it when you were a child."
"Aren't you tired, my son? Why do you enjoy playing this game so much?"
"I also went to Aunt Xianghou's house. Aunt Xianghou told me a lot about my mother's past. Many people still remember you, mother."
"I'm so awesome, giving birth to a son that makes me feel sick."
"Mom, are you busy at work? Grandpa and grandma hope you will pay more attention to your health, eat on time, and don't tire yourself out."
As Li Zhuiyuan spoke, he looked at Li Weihan and Cui Guiying. The old couple nodded vigorously, indicating to Li Zhuiyuan to continue.
"I originally thought I could control it, but your birth is like a mirror, reflecting the part of myself that I hate most. Li Zhuiyuan, do you know that every time I see you in the past few years, I Resisting the urge to strangle you
Every time you call me ‘Mom’, it’s like a devil’s whisper in my ears. ”
Li Zhuiyuan nodded while listening. In the eyes of everyone, he seemed to be following his mother's loving instructions. Everyone seemed to guess that his mother must be teaching him various precautions on the other end of the phone, to be good and obedient. Don't be naughty.
"I understand, Mom, I know, I understand."
"I worked hard to mend the skin on my body. Every morning when I wake up, I have to look in the mirror and hint and confirm to myself over and over again.
But you always want to tear my skin apart again and again.
You are me and I am you.
Li Zhuiyuan,
We, mother and son,
They are all monsters in human skin. ”
"I understand. Don't worry, Mom, I will be obedient."
Li Zhuiyuan put his ear against the microphone and swayed slightly, like a child who was a little impatient after being nagged by his parents and felt a little embarrassed, but it was sweet.
"Your father helped me control my illness, and my marriage also gave me some help. I should have returned to the right path until I gave birth to you.
Your birth ruined all my efforts over the years.
In my eyes,
Li Zhuiyuan,
You are a mistake that should not have happened. ”
"Mom, can you send some more snacks? We like to eat those kinds of cookies. There are also some stationery. Everyone likes my pencil case. I promised to give it to them."
When Shi Shihuzi and the others heard this, they hugged each other excitedly.
"I shouldn't have tried to find a cure for you after discovering your true nature. The repeated treatment failures on you seemed to have made me witness my own setbacks.
My life is already dark, but you completely blocked my last bit of light.
Xiaoyuan,
Why don't you die? ”
"Mom, you too."
"If you realize that you are dead early, you may still inspire my motherly nature, right?"
"Well, I won't."
"I'm going to participate in a secret project. That project is very dangerous. I don't know if I can come back alive."
"Mom, you have to take care of yourself, I will worry about you."
"I tell you this because I don't want to hide these true words in my heart after I die, but I don't have time to tell you. I think we need such a confession.
In fact, you have always understood that while I can see through you, you can also see through me, right? ”
"Well, I'll listen, I'll write it down, Mom."
"This path is yours to choose.
When your father and I divorced, no matter how hard your father begged you, it was you who firmly chose to stay with me.
Your father always thought that I was sick and that I was torturing you and your son in different ways and causing you and your son pain.
But what he doesn't know is that his son is a more terrifying devil than me. All his performances of fatherly love are just outright clown performances in the eyes of his beloved son.
He was sad. He had already applied for the polar scientific expedition project.
When I wanted to help you change your surname back, your grandfather didn't agree. It was you who insisted on changing your surname.
Your grandma said that if you follow me, you will never enter the house again, but you still grabbed my sleeve and left with me.
Li Zhuiyuan, do you think you can move me and change my mind by doing this?
There are only irritating cries in my heart:
Why,
Why do you insist on pestering me and continuing to torture me! ”
"Okay, okay, I know everything. Mom, you don't have to say this anymore, I know everything."
"I'm going to join the project team tomorrow. I don't know if I can come back safely. I just hope that if I can come back alive, you will not be in my life.
I have figured it out and I have made up my mind.
Li Zhuiyuan, I want to get rid of this dog-skin plaster of yours.
I will transfer your guardianship to your father. Although your father is not here, your grandparents should be happy to accept you. After all, you are a child who can enter the juvenile class and can be the pride of their family. ”
"I don't want it. I don't want anything else. Just send snacks and stationery. I want new models, mom."
"I know you won't want it, but you will still try to grab anything related to me. That's why I will send you back to my hometown, a place I will never go back to in my life. < br>
I will transfer the guardianship to my father, and your household registration and student status will be transferred there.
I am very grateful to this project for giving us the convenience to fully arrange family relationships. ”
"Mom, I'm living in Grandpa Li Sanjiang's house now. Grandpa likes me and calls me to live with him for a while. Grandpa is a very nice person."
"I know."
"Well, that's it, Mom, I'm going to give the microphone to Grandpa. Grandpa still wants to continue talking to you."
Li Zhuiyuan held the microphone and waited for a while. After he heard the sound of footsteps leaving and approaching, he reluctantly handed the microphone to Li Weihan.
Li Weihan took the microphone: "Hey, Lanhou, don't worry, Xiaoyuanhou is doing well here, we will take good care of him."
Li Zhuiyuan didn't want to stay here and watch his grandfather chatting with Aunt Xu.
"Grandpa, grandma, I'm going back to Grandpa's place for dinner."
Cui Guiying said hurriedly: "Go back quickly. Don't keep your grandpa waiting. Your grandpa and I will ask your grandpa after a while to see when you can return to secular life and go home."
"Okay, Grandma. Goodbye Grandma, Goodbye Grandpa, Goodbye everyone."
Li Zhuiyuan waved goodbye to everyone, then turned and left.
Runsheng followed Li Zhuiyuan. He was very hungry, but now he did not dare to remind the boy to walk faster.
He had always felt that the boy had two faces. Although the boy always called him "Brother Runsheng," the sound of "Brother" was different when there were many people and when there were only two of them.
The former is a warm and respectful title for Dai Ge, while the latter is like his own name being "Brother Runsheng".
But he didn't have any curiosity to understand. His father said that if he was stupid, he shouldn't bother to think about what was going on in the minds of smart people.
He felt that the boy's mood was not high, and all he could do was walk slowly with the boy.
In Li Zhuiyuan's mind, his mother's words on the other end of the phone echoed over and over again.
I'm very pleased that my mother hasn't said so many words to me in one breath for a long time.
But he knew that these words of his mother were not actually meant for his son, but more like they were meant for the mother in her heart.
The mother regards her son as the embodiment of the coldness in her heart.
If it were me, if the expressionless me in the cabinet mirror would become my child in the future, he would also be crazy and hysterical.
She tried her best and tried her best to cover up the suppressed coldness, but in the end, she turned into a child who clung to herself all day long and called her "mother".
At this time, Li Zhuiyuan smiled.
He thought it was funny, like a comically ironic black-and-white silent movie.
He stopped and squatted down facing the small ditch beside the road.
It was already dark, and all that could be reflected in the canal water at this moment was a dark face.
Li Zhuiyuan looked at this face, but didn't know who it was.
Runsheng also squatted down next to him and silently lit an incense stick.
Li Zhuiyuan picked up a stone next to him, faced his figure in the water, and threw it down.
"Plop..."
After a circle of folds, it immediately returned to its original shape.
He knew that his mother was terminally ill.
Tonight's phone call was a sign of her giving up on herself. She was tired, she was desperate, she would completely give up her struggle, no longer resist, and she would blend in.
Thinking in a better direction, this phone call is her last confession.
Although full of unpleasantness, abuse and curses.
At the same time, there is indeed a kind of hatred, even jealousy.
Her human skin was completely torn, and she wanted to tear off her son's skin as well.
So mom, do you want to find yourself a similar person after you have completely fallen?
Angry?
some.
But whether it was strong or not, Li Zhuiyuan didn't know, because he could understand it.
Because this is absolute rationality.
She used her own experience to prove that no matter how hard she struggled, it was useless and meaningless, so she wanted to use this method to save herself this process.
But Li Zhuiyuan was at a loss because she shouldn't have sent herself back, she shouldn't have sent herself back to Nantong.
Sometimes, don't listen to what others say, but also what she does.
Continue to stay in Beijing, continue to attend junior classes, continue to study step by step, graduate step by step, and assign work units step by step...
As long as he goes step by step, he can become the same person as her sooner.
She only needs to do nothing to turn herself into her, because she got sick earlier than she did at that time, and it was much more serious than her.
But she still sent herself back to her hometown, saying she would never come back in her life.
Is it because this place is the last fantasy you have always kept in your heart?
Is this your last protection and expectation for me?
Do you think the life here is the reason why you got sick later than your son and still can get married and have children and live a normal life?
Li Zhuiyuan held his head in his hands, with a painful expression: Or should I say, all this is just wishful thinking on my part.
Runsheng saw the boy's body begin to sway back and forth, as if he wanted to fall into the ditch.
Li Zhuiyuan really wanted to fall in and jump into the ditch, slapping the water and crying. He thought he should vent at this moment.
But in the end, he stopped because he felt it was childish to do so.
Li Zhuiyuan turned his face and looked at Runsheng who was squatting beside him.
Runsheng trembled and immediately looked away. He did not dare to look into these eyes.
Li Zhuiyuan looked at the incense stick in Runsheng's hand. He stretched out his hand and gently held the burning tip.
The burning pain came quickly, but there was no expression on the boy's face.
Until, reaching a critical point.
"Hiss..."
The boy finally let go of his hand, looking pained.
"It hurts..."
The voice also turned into an aggrieved child's voice.
Runsheng turned around. He had just felt the shaking of the incense candle in his hand. He looked at the wound on Li Zhuiyuan's palm and immediately blamed himself anxiously:
"I'm sorry Xiaoyuan, I didn't mean it, I really didn't mean it."
Runsheng thought that when he turned his head, he accidentally burned the boy with the incense in his hand.
"It's okay, Brother Runsheng, I just grabbed it out of curiosity."
Runsheng was about to shed tears. At this time, Xiaoyuan made up such a lame excuse to prevent himself from blaming himself.
He felt even more guilty because he was still thinking about other things and thought Xiao Yuan's look just now was scary.
Li Zhuiyuan looked at the wound on his palm.
Has your condition worsened to the point where you are seeking self-harm?
Li Zhuiyuan stood up and said: "Brother Runsheng, let's go back."
"Your wound..."
"It's okay. I'll ask Aunt Liu for some ointment to apply on it."
Walking home, the big guys on the dam were still eating, probably slowing down on purpose, waiting for me to come back.
"Xiaoyuan, is this your mother's phone number?" "Yes, sir."
Li Zhuiyuan sat down, picked up chopsticks to eat, and recounted the conversation between himself and his mother.
He acted very happy and joyful.
Like all normal children, there will always be a period when their parents are their idols, and they talk about "my dad" and "my mom".
Li Sanjiang was very happy to listen and would interrupt from time to time. Every time Li Zhuiyuan would give him an answer, which made Li Sanjiang even happier. He kept tapping the bowl with his chopsticks and said: "I know it, I know it, ha." Haha.”
Aunt Liu is also very happy. She has a cheerful personality and is happy to see the atmosphere at home become more relaxed.
Even Liu Yumei asked Li Zhuiyuan a few questions.
I sighed in my heart, no matter how smart this kid is, he can't change his nature.
Runsheng was nibbling incense and eating his rice. Seeing Li Zhuiyuan's behavior, he subconsciously thought that the silence on the way home was just the child missing his mother.
He has no parents, only a grandfather, so watching Li Zhuiyuan keep talking to everyone, a look of longing gradually appeared on his face:
It turns out that having a mother is such a blessing.
Only Ali put down her chopsticks silently.
She liked to see the boy's expression, but the excited and happy boy in front of her had no light in his eyes.
After the meal, Li Zhuiyuan forcibly took Li Sanjiang to Zheng Datong to prescribe some medicine.
Originally, an injection would be more effective, but Li Sanjiang was unwilling to do so.
After coming back, everything was business as usual.
Runsheng sat in front of the TV, smoking a cigarette while watching TV.
After Aunt Liu cleaned the kitchen stove, she was busy coloring the paper.
Ah Li was coaxed by Li Zhuiyuan and went back to the house with Grandma Liu to sleep.
Li Zhuiyuan was at the back of the house, finishing his horse steps carefully.
When he returned to the second floor, he saw Li Sanjiang pouring washing powder into his hand.
On the stone slab next to the water tank, there was a basin of hot water and a handkerchief hanging on it.
"Master..."
"My lord, I have received good news again."
"Congratulations."
"Go, go, thin-backed spade!"
"Haha."
Because his mother's phone call was interrupted, Li Zhuiyuan realized that his luck problem had not been solved yet.
It's a pity that I can't ask the grandfather directly, because the grandfather himself doesn't understand.
So, what was being bought and sold in this transaction that cost so much luck?
Li Zhuiyuan walked back to his bedroom, turned on the desk lamp, and took out "Liu's Qi-Wang Jue".
Opening it, frowning.
He missed Wei Zhengdao's words.
I took out so many books from the basement, but only those written by Wei Zhengdao were the most comfortable for me to read.
Holding back the discomfort, I read page after page carefully.
I don’t know that I am gradually getting used to the charm of this dog reptile,
The content of "Liu's Qi-Wang Jue" is indeed mysterious.
The more Li Zhuiyuan watched, the more interesting it became, and he gradually couldn't stop.
This book talks about the Feng Shui of rivers, lakes and seas.
It is a very special category, because in the normal sense of "Feng Shui", the layout is relatively open, water is one of them, and more importantly, it is mountains and land.
After all, whether the living live or the dead sleep, they are basically on land.
This book focuses on the water system, which involves water burials, water prisons, water tribulations, etc. The mountains and land supplement it.
From a practical perspective, we can make an analogy:
If you really understand other Feng Shui books and read them into it, when you travel to famous mountains and rivers, you will feel in your heart: There may be ancient tombs here.
After reading this book, when you are on a boat, standing at the bow of the boat, you will occasionally feel something, and you can also point your finger: someone may die here.
Li Zhuiyuan was not in a hurry to continue reading the Liu family's book, but picked up "Qin's Jiao Observation Method" and read it again.
It was found that the theme was the same. It seemed that the Liu family and the Qin family should have been a large family with the same status on the river back then.
The theme is the same, but the route approach is different.
This is of great benefit to learners, as they can confirm each other and deepen understanding.
As long as you understand both books, your understanding of Jianghu Feng Shui will become extremely profound.
I glanced at the time and saw that it was time for me to go to bed.
Li Zhuiyuan put down his book, turned off the lamp, took a basin and took a bath, then returned to the bedroom, lay down on the bed, folded the quilt, lay down, and went to sleep.
A quarter of an hour later, Li Zhuiyuan sat up. He couldn't sleep.
No matter how strong the behavioral logic and inertia is, it can't suppress the impact of my mother's phone call on my heart.
After opening the door, he walked to the terrace and sat down on the wicker chair. Li Zhuiyuan looked at the dark night sky in a daze.
After an unknown amount of time, Liu Yumei opened the door to the east room. Looking at her granddaughter who was about to walk out, she only had time to hang a cloak on her body.
Looking up, Liu Yumei felt mixed emotions when she saw the boy sitting on the balcony on the second floor.
It's not enough to be together during the day, but we also have to play together at night?
But looking at the boy's indifferent expression, she was a little confused: Wasn't the child fine at dinner? Why is he like this now?
Do you miss your mother when you go to bed at night?
Although children have their own nature, Liu Yumei felt that this little boy should not be so fragile.
This appearance is just like the replica of Ah Li who used to sit behind the threshold.
Soon, she saw her granddaughter appearing on the second floor. The girl sat down on the wicker chair next to the boy.
After a while, the girl actually took the initiative to divide half of her cloak and covered the boy.
Liu Yumei's eyes widened. Her granddaughter would actually take the initiative to show concern for others?
I have been living at Li Sanjiang's house for a while, but Ali's condition has only been controlled and has not worsened. As for improvement, it has not improved at all.
It was only after that boy also moved in with his grandfather that Ali's condition showed signs of improvement, like water droplets finally appearing on a piece of ice.
But no matter how much things get better, they can't compare to today's day and night!
First he could express himself by nodding and shaking his head, and now he can also take such proactive caring measures.
Liu Yumei raised her head to prevent tears from overflowing her eyes. She really saw that the hope of her granddaughter's recovery seemed to not take too long.
She walked into the room, sat down at the altar table, and pointed at them:
"Ali got sick because of your irresponsibility. If you had left some spirit behind to protect her according to tradition, Ali would not have become like that."
Picking up the handkerchief and wiping her tears, Liu Yumei said with a tearful voice:
"If I had known that smashing your memorial tablets would be helpful for Ah Li's condition, I should have chopped you all up and used them as firewood."
……
Li Zhuiyuan didn't know when the girl came. She seemed to have been here for a long time, and something was covered on his back, which was warm.
"Are you here?"
The girl looked at the boy. This time she took the initiative to hold the boy's hand. Then she seemed to notice something. She lowered her head and opened the boy's hand.
In the palm of his hand, there was a wound.
The girl rubbed it with her fingertips.
This was a rare tenderness. Li Zhuiyuan couldn't help but smile, but the smile soon froze.
Because all five of the girl's fingers were pressed against the palm of her hand, and her five nails, neither long nor short, pierced directly into her flesh.
"Hiss..."
Li Zhuiyuan stood up in pain and almost twisted his body.
"Ali, I hurt, I hurt..."
They say that ten fingers connect to the heart, but the soft flesh in the palm of the hand is still sensitive. The girl's five nails dug deeply into the flesh and continued to exert force.
This taste is like having a rake on a plow hand.
I was squatting by the ditch before, and I took the initiative to reach out and grasp the burning incense in Runsheng's hand. I really didn't feel any pain at that time, because I was not normal at that time.
But now, he is normal.
Begging for mercy seemed to have lost its effect at this time. The girl who had always listened to him the most seemed to ignore him at this time.
Her eyelashes were beating, her body was shaking, and the luster in her eyes disappeared, replaced by numbness.
A dangerous aura emanated from her body.
In the past, every time she was about to explode, the boy only needed to hold her hand to comfort her, but now, it was the boy's hand that was aggravating her violence.
Li Zhuiyuan took his hand away from the girl.
The girl's body gradually returned to calm, her eyelashes no longer beat, and her eyelids were lowered.
She turned around and walked towards the stairs.
The cloak that originally covered the two of them fell down. Li Zhuiyuan picked it up and wanted to put it on the girl.
But as he approached again, the girl stopped and her back began to tremble.
Li Zhuiyuan had to stop and even took a few steps back.
The girl returned to normal and continued to move forward, her figure disappearing into the stairs.
Soon, the girl appeared on the dam. The door of the east room was not closed, so she walked in.
Li Zhuiyuan stood on the second floor, still holding the red cloak in his hand.
In the past, girls always liked to collect everything related to them. Now, she not only rejects contact with herself, but also rejects things that have been contaminated by herself.
Li Zhuiyuan lowered his head and looked at the five bloody cuts in his palm, which were still bleeding.
He was in pain, but he was not angry, but felt guilty.
The fingers of his left hand wiped away the blood, exposing the burn in the center area.
He knew why the girl suddenly became angry.
Because she discovered that the person she had placed her hope on to help her climb out of the abyss was actually taking the initiative to walk towards the abyss.
The greatest torture in this world is to first give you hope in despair, and then kill this hope with your own hands.
She was already used to it.
Li Zhuiyuan went to wash the wound, found a clean piece of cloth and bandaged it, and then returned to his bedroom.
As soon as he lay down on the bed, he didn't know whether sleep was really coming over him, or whether he was subconsciously longing for a sleep and everything would be restored at dawn.
Anyway, he fell asleep.
He slept very lightly, and many times he woke up due to inexplicable heart palpitations after a short sleep, but he did not open his eyes and forced himself to continue sleeping.
Finally, after an unknown number of times, he felt a clear sense of light through his eyelids.
It's dawn.
He turned his head sideways and opened his eyes. There was no one on the chair at the door.
Li Zhuiyuan took the washbasin and walked out of the bedroom. When he passed the grandpa's room, he saw through the screen door that the grandpa was not in bed.
After washing up and walking downstairs, I didn't see Runsheng on the table on the first floor.
I didn't sleep too late today, why did everyone get up so early?
Li Zhuiyuan walked up to the Bazi, and Aunt Liu came out of the kitchen: "Xiaoyuan, it's good morning, we'll have breakfast later."
"Aunt Liu, where is my grandfather?"
"The village chief came over before dawn this morning and asked your grandfather to go to the town government. He said it was urgent, so Runsheng took your grandfather there."
Li Zhuiyuan nodded, then looked towards the east room.
Behind the threshold of the east room, a girl in a black skirt sat there, with her feet on the threshold and her eyes leveled, without any emotion.
"Xiaoyuan, Xiaoyuan, come here quickly."
In the morning, when her granddaughter didn't get up as early as usual, she noticed something was wrong.
After getting up and dressing up, I actually picked up the bench and sat behind the threshold.
In an instant, Liu Yumei felt that the sky was falling!
Now, the only thing she's counting on is a boy.
Li Zhuiyuan walked towards the east room. As soon as he got closer, the girl's body began to tremble, her hands slowly and unconsciously clenched, and the depths of her eyes turned red.
Liu Yumei immediately stretched out her hand to stop Li Zhuiyuan from approaching, squatted beside her granddaughter, and kept whispering to comfort her.
The granddaughter's reaction was more violent than before when strangers approached her.
Li Zhuiyuan stepped back a distance. After seeing the girl calming down under Grandma Liu's comfort, he bit his lip and took a deep breath.
Yes, it's the same as what I thought before going to bed.
After a sleep,
All restored.
……
"What, tell me again, I didn't hear you clearly!"
Li Sanjiang sat in the Civil Affairs Bureau office and slapped the table. He actually heard it clearly, but he couldn't believe it.
The director of the Civil Affairs Bureau and several staff members could only patiently tell him again, even though this was already the fourth time.
They also received notification from their superiors that something needed urgent approval, so they came to the unit early to wait.
In fact, after they saw the faxed documents, they felt extremely incomprehensible.
Is this kind of operation still possible these days?
"Uncle, your name is Li Sanjiang, right?"
"I have brought my ID card and household registration book. Do you think so?"
"Yes, yes, actually, the matter is already very clear. Now, it depends on whether you are willing to sign. If you are not willing, we will send these documents back."
Li Sanjiang picked up the pen with some confusion,
Asked:
"If I sign this, Xiao Yuanhou will be included in my household registration?"
(End of chapter)