"The old man is gone. As the eldest son, your father is determined to abide by the old man's last wish. The pomp and ceremony must be grand and elegant!"
Dongqiang: "That's natural!"
"Don't mention the clothes, coffins, and coffins. Let's just talk about the big shed we built. It's exquisite!"
"How to pay attention to it?"
"The technicians hired by Liuhe Pengpu in the imperial capital built a large ridged shed with one hall and one roll, five ridges and six animals. The archway across the street and the street shed, the big drum and gong stand at the door, the left bangs on the right, the bells and drums on the second floor, quiet and avoidance , the Mingjing big name. Every day, monks, Taoists, Buddhists, and nuns recite the Sutra on the platform. There are monks from Guangji Temple, Taoists from Baiyun Temple, lamas from Yonghe Temple, and nuns from Sansheng Nunnery. They stop for seventy-seven and forty-nine days. , Don’t accept gifts when entertaining guests!”
This is the beginning of "Kuaishiao". The long paragraph is completed in one go and the words are clear. Although modern audiences are not familiar with some terms, they can still hear the real skill and applaud.
As soon as Qi Long finished speaking, Dong Qiang immediately added: "How careful are you in listening?"
“He is also very considerate to his relatives and friends!”
"How thoughtful?"
"First of all, the tea you drink is very particular. Tea from each province."
"Both?"
Qi Long opened his mouth again and finished speaking fluently about more than 20 kinds of tea. In the midst of everyone's applause, he quickly said that the cigarettes he smoked were also exquisite, and there were more than 20 kinds of local famous cigarettes, which received applause again.
The wines we drink are also particular, there are more than 20 kinds of wines, but there is no Luzhou Laojiao!
Dong Qiang was stunned for a moment, because when he was talking about the job, Qi Long told him that he would add Luzhou Laojiao to this section. After all, he was the organizer, and the money he gave him was used to build the stage. Have you forgotten? It’s not good for other people’s families.
This passage is engraved in the memory, and the rise of the words passed by like muscle memory. There was no Luzhou Laojiao in the first place, but after Qi Long said it, he realized it and stopped talking.
He immediately looked at Dong Qiang: "Of course, the favorite wine among relatives and friends must be..."
Seeing that Qi Long had made amends for himself, Dong Qiang breathed a sigh of relief in his heart. With a calm expression on his face, he asked cooperatively: "What?"
"Luzhou Laojiao!"
“Good wine!”
The audience laughed when they heard this, and several leaders sitting in the front row also laughed. It was obvious that they were quite satisfied with this advertising placement. You have to say it inside, and just mention it in one stroke. Let it be said outside, everyone. Hear it most clearly!
In this way, Qi Long and Dong Qiang made a small "mistake" without everyone knowing!
After that, it’s time to start talking about the banquet, from the utensils on the banquet to the fruits served first, and the ice bowl served second, four kinds of dried fruits, four kinds of cold meats, and die-hard pickles. Sixteen sets of dim sum, using countless ingredients from all over the world, and famous dishes from various well-known stores.
For seven or eight minutes, Qi Long kept talking, while Dong Qiang accurately grasped every breath and added the necessary padding.
The audience was mesmerized and cheered!
After finishing the banquet in a hurry, it was time for the final funeral.
"The day of the funeral is also very particular. There are 48 poles in the Wynn pole room at the door. They go to the street to change to 64 poles. Each pole driver has to shave his head, take a shower and wear boots. Thirty-two people carry a big mirror. In front are monks, Taoists, Fans and nuns. There are four gate gods, Qin Qiong, Jing De, Shen Tu, and Yu Lei, four great sages, Yang Jiao Ai, Zuo Bo Tao, Boyi, and Shu Qi, as well as the road-clearing ghost, the road-breaking ghost, the money-spraying beast, and the sea-suppressing cow."
This section is completely connected. It tells a scene about a funeral, and it takes more than a minute to talk about it in its entirety.
Since Qi Long had no breath, Dong Qiang stood sideways and listened carefully to what he said without being distracted at all. When Qi Long said "Song Shizi, Song Pavilion, Song He, Song Lu, and Song Eight Immortals", He immediately got ready.
"It stretched the land for eight miles, detoured four roads, and then brought the coffin back!"
Dong Qiang answered immediately: "Eh? Why aren't you buried?"
Qi Long opened his mouth and laughed: "Haha, your father forgot to buy a cemetery!"
"Fuck you!"
At this point, the cross talk ended. The two brothers took a step back, bowed to everyone, and walked off the stage amidst thunderous applause.
This is serious Kung Fu work. To be honest, not many people dare to do it. Deyun has eight teams and performs in small theaters every week, but you don’t really see this kind of work often. There are only a few old gentlemen and senior high school students. Feng occasionally plays the role, but his real work part is too dense.
Tea, cigarettes, wine, all kinds of delicacies, everything is in a series. He doesn't seem to be telling tongue twisters. At least the stories are close to each other. The same items are the same items, and they don't match up. It's easy for things to go wrong.
Qi Long and Dong Qiang always talk about innovative cross talk, but they will also do traditional work to prove themselves: innovation does not forget the roots!
When we got backstage, everyone was talking to each other about their hard work. At this moment, the team captain Hou Zhen didn’t come, so no one was clamoring to play games in the backstage. Qi Long ran to Gao Feng in the corner and sat down: "Gao Feng Boss, Xiaoyu Xiaoxia hasn’t caused you any trouble lately, has he?”
"Your nephew didn't cause any trouble, but he actually had fun," Gao Feng said with a smile.
Nephew, I’m talking about Jin Xiaoyu, Dong Qiang’s apprentice.
Hearing this, Dong Qiang also came over: "What's wrong, what's wrong?"
Gao Feng then said with a smile that Xiaoyu ate in the cafeteria two days ago and walked out with the plate before taking two bites.
During the student period, that's when the control is the strictest. You can eat less food, but you can't waste food. These are the rules.
The teacher who found out thought that Xiaoyu felt that the food was not suitable for his taste and wanted to go out secretly to throw it away, so he was ready to scold him. However, he put the dinner plate on the ground, and a big stray cat came over with several small stray cats to eat it.
"It's not a waste." Dong Qiang commented angrily.
Gao Feng pressed his hand cheerfully: "Listen to what I have to say. At first we thought he didn't want to feed the cat, but later we found out that this kid regarded the stray cat as his wife."
"Ah?" Qi Long and Dong Qiang were collectively shocked. Gao Feng, who was always serious when talking about students, now laughed to himself, obviously not holding back.
It turns out that after watching the work of "Tie a Doll", children are particularly curious about how babies are born. Faced with this problem, parents usually deceive their children when they are young, saying that you picked them up and gave them to you for free. 's and so on.
He didn't know Xiaoyu, but Xiaoxia's parents had told Xiaoxia, so Xia Lingyuan told Jin Xiaoyu seriously that if you kiss, you will have a baby.
One day, when Xiaoyu was teasing a stray cat, the cat stuck out its tongue and licked its lower lip. A few days later, the cat gave birth to kittens, and he thought they were his children.
"Hahahahahaha!" Qi Long and Dong Qiang burst into laughter. They also felt why Gao Feng, who had never been very happy, was so happy.
Who wouldn't be happy to hear this?
After the cross talk performance, the boss invited the guests to dinner. This kind of social dinner has one characteristic: if you don’t feel full, you mainly drink. After drinking, Qi Long organized a few people who were not full to have a barbecue together. The party was not so formal. Qi Long invited everyone to play a game together.
The rules of the game are very simple. Just say a movie name, and the other person has to add one more word to "ruin" the movie name. Whoever ruins it the most thoroughly wins.
"How about winning?" Dong Qiang asked: "I won't drink anymore. I drank a lot just now!"
Qi Long: "If you win, you will be considered great!"
"Okay!" Dong Qiang agreed immediately.
The highest level of man's bet: I guess you are awesome, I guess you are awesome!
Luan Yunping interrupted: "In this case, it is dad who wins!"
"Oh~~" The uncle and nephew immediately took advantage of the situation with their answering voices, as if they had agreed upon it.
Qi Long also made trouble: "What is it?"
"father!"
"Why!"
Luan Yunping hit himself: "I drank and didn't react. I really can't bring wine to the stage."
Crosstalk actors, on stage you must follow the script and let your partner take advantage, but in private, it is not easy to take advantage of a crosstalk actor in language. If Luan Yunping hadn't been drunk, this would never have happened!
"Forget it, whoever wins is the best, and the others will offer him kebabs!" Qi Long re-established the rules: "I have to say, Master, you eat well!"
"Okay, I'll eat well!" Dong Qiang nodded.
Qi Long pushed him: "Can we start now?"
After a while of commotion, the word game that Qi Long came up with suddenly started. This kind of game is very interesting. The wonderful thing is that someone will often come up with a divine reply, and then it can be moved to the cross talk stage as a way to make the audience applaud. Good baggage.
"Dong Qiang, you come first!"
Dong Qiang thought for a while and came up with a movie title: "Edward Scissorhands"!
Meng Hetang thought for a while and came up with another one: "I added one, "The scissors cut off the hand, Dehua", which means that a man named Dehua cut off the handle."
"You can't do this, just listen to me," Luan Yunping felt normal and said, "I'll add the Chinese character "Scissorhands Loves Liu Dehua"!"
"Hahahahaha, is this Scissorhands still a fanatical fan?" Everyone was amused.
At this time, Qi Long picked up other people's answers and processed them: "Nagama is even more funny, I love Ma Dehua!"
"Hahahahaha, Master Jue won, right? This is the end!"
Qi Long waved his hand: "I have taken advantage of Xiao Luan, it's his, it's his!"
Everyone presented meat skewers to Luan Yunping, and the game continued.
Indeed, as Qi Long expected, this game session produced many scenes that made them laugh and be overjoyed.
However, there are a lot of pornographic stuff, such as the movie "Daughter of the Sea". Zhou Jiuliang added the word "下" in front of the movie, which instantly made it dirty.
However, he did not get the "ye" for this entry, because Dong Qiang made a surprising statement and came up with an inexplicable answer, which made everyone burst into laughter at the inexplicable answer.
His answer was: "Fahai's Daughter"!
I don’t know why, it’s just a punchline, and I don’t have such high-end ideas as Fa Hai’s refusal to fall in love with a shemale or a monk’s impossibility of having a daughter. It’s just an ordinary punchline, and everyone agrees with it. Vote for the best.
Following Fa Hai, Qi Long proposed "The Legend of White Snake". Although it is not a movie, it is still a TV series, so no one was picky.
Zhou Jiuliang, who likes to watch short videos, seized the opportunity this time and successfully became a "master" with "The Legend of New White Lady"!
In addition, "Harry Potter" was enlarged and became "Harry Potter" directly.
"Howl's Moving Castle" was added with a border and became a Chinese one. There is a moving castle in the city.
In this game, Zhang Helun is keen on ethics. For example, "My Girlhood" was added by Zhang Helun with the word "Dad" and became "My Dad's Girlhood".
"Iron-armored Xiaobao plus Song, Iron-armored Song Xiaobao, midnight ominous bell plus Jia, midnight ominous Jia bell, Yangtze River No. 7 plus Pan, Pan Yangtze River No. 7"
The divine replies from time to time also make everyone burst into laughter. This can be placed in the "mutual fighting" part of the cross talk. Ask a question to make people laugh, and use the word "praising" to destroy the work. The praise will be reversed, and the word "funny" will destroy it. Never The winner is replaced by the next item.
Because Qi Long was drunk, he didn't trust his memory very much. He used his mobile phone notepad to write down interesting things he encountered. As long as he could use them in the future, he would make money!
For a crosstalk actor to be good at crosstalk, in addition to basic skills, he also needs to observe life. The jokes in life are the funniest if they are artistically processed, but life is not full of baggage. When there is no baggage, you have to find a way to create it. .
Although many of Qi Long's works are from another world, he is also working hard to create cross talk. He does not copy them completely, but also has his own creations in them.
Amidst the laughter and laughter, the barbecue came to an end. Everyone went back to the hotel to rest. Qi Long also shared the jokes he heard from his nephew today and the games on the wine table with his wife during the video call. He was not as happy as everyone else. Lele, interesting! (End of chapter)