Chapter 650 Ocean (30th Birthday Essay)
Today I am thirty years old.
As usual, I write an essay every year on my birthday. As of this morning, I still have no idea what to write about in my third year. It’s not that I have nothing to write, but there is really too much to write. I told someone not long ago that when you look at yourself when you are ten years old, you are the same person you were when you were ten years old. When you look at yourself at twenty years old, you are the same person you were at twenty years old. If you look at yourself when you are thirty, you will find that , my ten-year-old self, my twenty-year-old self, and my thirty-year-old self all stood together. They left so many traces that they are inseparable.
Then, I have thirty years to write about.
In the past, I wanted to write something as relaxed as possible, or pragmatic, and not difficult to understand, but then I thought about it, at the beginning of today, I would write something metaphysical, false and empty.
Talking about three concepts, when combined, it may be the majority of me. There are some weird and secondary things during this period. If you read on, you will understand the reasons.
One:
At the end of 2014, I went to Beijing Lu Xun Institute of Literature to study for two months. One of the classes was given by Professor Dai Jinhua from Peking University. During this period, Dai Jinhua The professor mentioned a concept. She said that in the process of the origin of writing, Chinese writing is ideographic, while European writing is expressive. This is the difference between the two.
Teacher Dai Jinhua is not studying language at Peking University. She is studying film, mass media and other directions. She mentions this concept probably because the content touches it a little bit and she just talks about it casually. I have heard about this concept before. After the lecture, there was a question time as usual. When I first arrived at Luyuan, I raised my hand to ask a question. The question was probably: The basic meaning of the existence of words is to convey thoughts, that is, the invisible thoughts in the mind. Embodied, passed on to others, so that others can receive it. In "The Three-Body Problem" and many science fiction works, similar ant houses have also been described. The entire ethnic group is ruled by one mother, and it is considered to be a way for biological evolution to reach a high point. Our words directly express the meaning through graphics, while Western words first convert the meaning into syllables and then use icons to express it. After the basic syllables enter the brain, they are interpreted through a set of conventional methods. This is not an extra process. Are there any objective factors and the inevitability of development in the differences between these two developments?
This question was asked somewhat randomly, because it had nothing to do with the content of Professor Dai Jinhua’s course. It was just a topic picked from scraps to expand on. Professor Dai Jinhua was stunned for a moment, and then said: This may be There is no inevitability.
I asked: Could the difference be just an accident?
She said: Yes.
Regarding this issue, I later had a lot of thoughts, but I will not discuss it here. The reason why I say this is because this issue seems random, but to me, it is so So important that I keep thinking about it anytime and anywhere.
For me, the most attractive aspect of language is the transmission of thoughts.
I am thirty years old, have not gone to college, and write online novels. I am not really recognized by society yet - of course, I have studied in Luyuan University and participated in several small and medium-sized schools. At the meeting, I did not join the Writers’ Association, and my grades were also It is only circulated in a small area, and I am just an average online novel author. But if you ask me seriously: "What exactly do you do?" I might answer: "I do communication and thinking. Pass.”
"Bible. Old Testament. There is a myth in "Genesis" that I have always liked. In ancient times, because humans had no language separation, they were extremely powerful and worked together. They built the Tower of Babel together in an attempt to seize God's authority. God did not destroy them, but just let them all People began to speak different languages, and then humans fell into mutual suspicion and war. They could no longer unite, and the Tower of Babel collapsed.
This is really an extremely simple and profound philosophy. Almost all human differences and problems come from the opacity of each other's thinking. I wrote about the relationship between wild boars and morality in an essay when I was twenty-seven. In the triangle of interests, morality, and deception, deception comes from this, and from this the rich and colorful human world was born, with all comedies and tragedies, all rules and status quo.
Language is the most important way to complete human beings. It is used to convey other people’s ideas and intentions, and to carry other people’s wisdom. Whether it is the understanding of scientific laws or the perception of life, we can use it to Words are accumulated and passed on to future generations, allowing them to grow quickly without having to experience them one by one. From this, when they experience the same challenges, they may make better choices and have a better life. .
Human society has evolved as a result.
When I first encountered the concept of "words have limits and cannot express all thoughts" in Haruki Murakami's book when I was in my early twenties, it was almost like a sudden enlightenment. For ten years - probably less than ten years - what I have been thinking about assiduously is how to transform thoughts into words that are as accurate as possible. I throw away the gorgeous and unnecessary writing styles that even I don't understand, leaving simple ones. The branches, then the leaves become prosperous, and then pruned, and so on again and again. Now, as I continue to trim this style, I am thirty years old.
Some people think my writing is good, others don't. Of course there are reasons for each.
Two:
Tell me about my character. Personally, I have huge character flaws.
Such character flaws stem from experiencing the wrong sequence and constructing the wrong structure when receiving education. When I was enlightened, my grandfather taught me a very correct and upright way of thinking. Later I read Lu Xun. When I was studying, I imitated Lu Xun’s style in my compositions. My writing was not good, and the teacher said that I had poor thinking. Okay, I thought in confusion, I am criticizing bad things, why am I the one with bad thoughts? After thinking about it, this is the initial disagreement and incompatibility - each of us has experienced this to one degree or another.
What I experienced next was an era of rapid change. A reader once said in a book review that I had witnessed the afterglow of that era. Indeed, when I was young, I witnessed that period of change. The afterglow of a less violent era was followed by drastic changes, the impact of various concepts, and the worldview I established was incompatible with this world. Then, due to family difficulties, I gave up college. When I gave up college, knowledge no longer had weight in my mind. Without weight, there was no awe. I dismantled everything at will, so all orthodox Knowledge has lost its meaning.
I often tell people that the so-called "meaning" comes from the "sense of ritual." When we were playing house, everyone would discuss seriously how to place the bowls and chopsticks, how to sit, and how to feed people. When we visit tombs during the Qingming Festival, we kneel down, how we kneel, and how many times we kowtow. For a pure materialist, do these have anything to do with ghosts and gods? No, they are only related to ourselves. When we do it seriously, it will have the weight of "meaning".
In the simplest explanation: when we put a lot of effort into something, we will automatically convince ourselves that what we are doing is meaningful.
So later on, whenever some book friends who didn’t want to study came to me and asked me if they wanted to go to college or continue their studies, I would advise them to continue, not just for the sake of knowledge, but more for the sake of letting them When entering society, they feel the contribution they have made and the heavy things, and then they tell themselves: "I am ready."
Me I entered society when I was unprepared, and then I lost all awe. I thought that everything could be structured using basic logic, and my brain was still easy to use. When I encountered something, my The brain will automatically go back thousands of years or even tens of thousands of years ago, construct logic from the primitive society, and then push it link by link to the present, looking for all the causes of this matter. If the cause can be found, it can be over in the mind. . Just like the story of the wild boar I told three years ago, the origin of morality.
For a while, I suspected that I might have some kind of mental illness called Asperger's syndrome. This type of patient uses logic to construct perceptual thinking. During a period when I was least good at communicating with others, I Even trying to use logic to form a set of rules for talking to people...
There is no doubt that I have tasted the bitter pill.
If there were only the above problems, maybe I wouldn’t be writing as much as I am now. I saw a sentence half a year ago, which goes something like this: The most important quality of an excellent author is sensitivity. For some things, others have not felt pain yet, but they are already in terrible pain. If they want to endure the pain, they have to be humorous. ...
I often tell people that I have no literary talent, but I probably have the quality of sensitivity. I sometimes see us born in the 1980s, who don’t know what to do after entering the society, changing their three views and distorting their spirit. In the struggle, no one knows what is wrong with these, until one day - Some people regard money and power as the standard for measuring everything and the criterion for success. People who pursue it constantly, but those who have achieved it feel dissatisfied and always feel that something has been lost. People begin to miss their youth and youth. This has led to the popularity of a large number of "The Year in a Hurry", but looking back Over time, even if money and power cannot satisfy you, you have no choice but to continue pursuing it. A bit of a high note here, right?
Sometimes when trying to deconstruct oneself, deconstruct the entire human race, and put it on the time of the entire earth or even the universe, and then see the wind and sand rolling up, and in an accidental moment, a beautiful pattern is drawn, and we have The so-called wisdom, we adapt to the world, change the world, and eventually destroy the world, we will eventually perish... we can't find the meaning that can exist eternally - this seems to be a middle-of-the-road thing again, right?
If I think of this when I am eighteen years old, my three views are not yet complete, it is indeed a secondary emotion that can be changed. When I am thirty years old, and I come back to this issue, then Just get serious about it.
This piece of stuff may be about the ultimate nihilism proposition, but I actually don’t want to discuss it with anyone. Under normal circumstances, it is the second most popular and the most shameful one. I mention it just to get into the third point.
After stating these two points, we move on to the third point: let’s talk about online articles.
I have been writing online articles for many years. Although when I went to Luyuan, I insisted that there is no distinction between traditional literature and online literature, but in fact, there is. Some call it traditional literature and popular literature, and some call it elite literature and popular literature. For the time being, we think there is such a division.
I write books very seriously, and I still dare to say this to anyone with confidence. There was once a dream of being a writer—and there is still one today—but the definition of a writer is somewhat different.
Two days ago, Hunan Province held the Sixth Young Writers Conference, which is said to be held every five years but was held ten years later. I went over to attend and happened to be interviewed by a reporter from Hunan Economic TV. There was nothing at that time. I am a representative of online articles when it comes to drafting and preparation. When it comes to online articles, I say that today’s online articles may not be the future of literature, but in the middle they contain the most important things that are missing from traditional literature that is currently in trouble. One ring.
They are: attraction, persuasion.
I used to define literature like this: traditional literature focuses on the exploration and speculation of one’s own spirit, while online literature focuses on transmission and communication.
In this definition, traditional literature digs deep into the self. Its depth determines its height. Even if many people cannot understand it, people with high ideological realm can see it. They are in a kind of I don’t think they have any value in communicating from a very high place. On the contrary, these ideas can be said to be the most shining treasures in human development, and I am sincerely convinced.
Online literature is more concerned with studying how something in our minds spreads to the hearts of readers. Over the years of web writing development, we have accumulated a lot of experience and techniques. Of course, there are good ones and bad ones, benign ones and bad ones. After all, online literature is still a subject with mixed results.
When I was studying in Luyuan, one day I accidentally met a teacher on the road and chatted about differences. The other person was a very good teacher, but he didn’t know much about online literature after all. Something happened. I seemed to be saying at the time: I have seen many authors who cannot make money and are forced by life. When they want to make money with their words, they will dive into the most extreme direction and change their original ideas. All speculation has been given up. People go to extremes like this.
The other party said: But we do have many authors who persist in the declining social atmosphere. They are not doing it for money. They try their best to resist the influence of social atmosphere. Their speculations are important to society. It is very important and cannot be left out...
The first thought that popped into my mind at that time was: The impact of reform and opening up in the past thirty years has led to the decline of spiritual civilization and the impact on more than one billion people. Is it possible? Is it enough to say "I tried my best" to explain the past? There may be such persevering authors, one or two, who are both respectable, but aren’t they responsible for the weakness of the entire literary circle in the past thirty years?
Literature is the beginning of spiritual civilization!
I dare not say it.
In the interview the day before yesterday, I mentioned the best literature and asked what the best literature is. I actually don’t have a very specific concept. I said: it can really make people’s spirits harmonious. , when we say: "Your life should not be just about money and power." People will truly believe that it has real persuasiveness, it can educate and entertain, and infect the most people, instead of making people feel that it is high-profile after finishing speaking, it can reshape a person's outlook on life, and can Leave the experience of the predecessors to future generations...
I said some things, but I wasn’t so organized at the time, and I’m afraid I didn’t see it in the news.
Science and technology will continue to develop. In science and technology, there is a difference between theoretical science and applied science. Theoretical science stands at the top. It cannot make much money, but it can win the Nobel Prize when they make breakthroughs. , applied science-everything in our lives can be derived.
Spirit will not develop significantly. The peak of the spirit, or the state infinitely close to the peak, appeared thousands of years ago. Confucius said: At seventy, one should follow one's heart's desires without exceeding the rules. It is such a thing. When we understand many things in the world and gain understanding with the world, our spirits can be harmonious, no longer in pain, and we can be peaceful and happy, but not passive and numb. That is the pinnacle of spirituality, but in each era, the things encountered are different. For each person who only lives for a few decades, the way of weaving and shaping the three views for them may be different, and they can finally reach this state. There may be very few, but in every generation, this may be the pinnacle of our pursuit.
There is also a pinnacle type in literature, which is theoretical literature. We explore the use of every brushwork, every novel way of writing, inspiring techniques, and the exploration of spiritual shaping. . This kind of thing can win the Mao Dun Literature Prize or the Nobel Prize for Literature. Under this, applied literature, based on their foundation and inspiration, taps into its own spiritual depth, shapes it through words, and passes it on to others. Both traditional literature and online articles fall into this category. There are those who are highly thoughtful and thoughtful, but there is too little research and transmission. Those who explore and convey online articles often lack thinking.
This is already a big country with 1.4 billion people studying. We have experienced a lot of problems before. I used to be a person who tended to think publicly, and I longed for democracy. In the past year or two, I think, in the face of such rapid development, maintaining this country, Returning to the second-ranked stage in the world, if we look at it historically, during this period, maybe It was the unimaginable prosperity of China. A part of my heart began to feel proud of this country again, and some conditions returned to the position of 50 cents. At least part of it, we can be sure, and I still yearn for democracy, but for The yearning for democracy has become more complicated. If the people are incapable of autonomy, how can we talk about democracy?
But no matter what, spiritual development is still at a low ebb.
Of course there is a saying for this. To correctly shape a person's three views, there is a set of methods. In ancient times, the Confucian method lasted for many years, and they had a lot of established experience - let's not talk about the final good or bad of Confucianism, but to transform a person into a person. Their method of cultivating a certain state has been going on for thousands of years - after the May Fourth Movement, we destroyed the framework, and a new framework cannot be established. How to cultivate a person, there is no mature system.
Just like I am learning from Lu Xun, I do see that some people are not good and there are bad people. Why do I point them out and I become the one with bad thoughts? Although the teacher will say, I am doing it for your exams and your future, but in this case, there will be problems in the process of shaping the spiritual system.
We often encounter all kinds of incompatible things in society.
We laugh at it and treat it as normal. One day, these things will seep into the details of your spirit bit by bit. Once I was chatting with a friend on the plane. He was a rich man, but he said: "My highest monthly income was 4.5 million, but I still feel uneasy. I can only make more money, but How much do you need to earn to be secure? ”
Four and a half million a month is still not enough. To some people, this is an unnecessary moan, right? Is that pretentious? But I think this must not be a question of money. He may not know it, but he can still only continue to make money.
Whether we are poor or rich, I think there must be some kind of shortcomings in our generation. We pursue something, but in the end, the things we pursue cannot comfort ourselves, only At the end of the day, we feel anxiety and the weight of life.
I would like to attribute my own problems to the inability of the literary and spiritual circles in the past thirty years. In the best expectation, the environment in which I live should give me a harmonious spirit, but I You really can’t blame every one of them, and I can’t even blame the literary community because we were so damaged. But if we put it here, when the traditional literary circle continues to shrink, and the truths they preach are increasingly unable to impress people, we can only say that "some people stick to it" and "try their best", how to account for the sacrifices of the next generation?
Since we have so many good things, why not go to self-study, study entertainment, study delivery, and try to infect as many people as possible without compromising?
Some time ago, I don’t know whether it was Tsinghua University or Peking University. A student led by a professor who studies online literature posted an article on the website. After a while, it only received a few hundred clicks. It was commonly known as a rush. They were very surprised. Some press releases said Showing an attitude of "I can't write low-level things like online articles well" - of course, it may not be the performance of the student himself, but the press release may also stir up trouble. But their basic attitude is originally wrong. If universities can sincerely regard entertainment and connotation as literary factors accounting for 50% of the importance - I am talking about sincere propaganda, maybe in less than ten years, The current Internet literary circle will no longer exist.
However, for people in the upper class, this is a dangerous thing. It may be common to stand on the side of entertainment or on the side of connotation. Only those who stand on the mean side may be the most common. Easily vulnerable.
However, this is a society of 1.4 billion people, and 1.4 billion people are mentally poor. People laugh at housewives for watching soap operas, but never take the initiative to change her - thinking that this is impossible. Is it possible that people with high-end spiritual levels stand aloof, as if waiting for the day when these housewives suddenly like their things? After people walk out of school, there is no compulsion to study. People can live a lifetime of mental poverty. It’s just that one day they suddenly feel that something is missing and the world has become worse. On the other hand, even schools are shaping The compulsion of human spirit is almost zero.
How much appeal do the moral articles in textbooks have to convince today's students? One day I helped a friend read a paper (the friend is not the author), and one of the paragraphs is as follows (you don’t need to read it carefully):
“Higher education is at the top of education and plays a guiding role in the development of higher education in a country. The scale and level often become a symbol of the scale and level of the country's educational development, and are also a symbol of the country's science and technology, civilization and overall national strength. The material civilization of a country depends critically on it. The level of science and technology in a country. Similarly, the key to the level of science and technology in a country lies in the scale and level of the country's educational development, especially the scale and level of higher education. Therefore, improving the quality and level of the country's higher education..."< br>
I’m not going to say that there are big problems with this article, but there is one thing that really concerns me. This may be just the author’s negligence, but... where is the spiritual civilization? When we talk about higher education, why do we focus on material civilization and not mention spiritual civilization at all?
If I use this paper to generalize, I would be going too far. But one thing is actually obvious. The impact of higher education on spiritual civilization is not as high as we think.
My friend studied a subject related to education. When I talked about this with him, I said that our education is probably facing the biggest problem in history. The popularization of knowledge has not actually caused The improvement of people's education level is because in ancient times, the word education was to shape the outlook on life and teach children how to behave. Nowadays, the proliferation of knowledge has led to the disappearance of authority. If a ten-year-old child says something about the second grade, if it is posted on the Internet, 10,000 people who are also the second grade will come over and hug each other for warmth. When authority disappears, correctness also disappears. Any concept a person has while growing up will not be given a chance to be revised. If there is a divergent view, people can sit wherever they want. No need to think, there must be 10,000 people with you. sit. What will happen to such a person when he grows up?
The second half of my growth was also like this.
Schools can only impart knowledge. Without the power to shape the outlook on life, society will have none. Those speculations and experiences that can be used to shape people are suspended at the highest place. Why can't they be added as part of entertainment and put down like bait to attract people?
So later on, I no longer wanted to be such a traditional writer. I still admire those who study theory very much, but in other directions, I think the direction of my life can also be here. Now that it’s settled, I’ll be a kitsch internet author for the rest of my life, doing this thankless job of combining exploration...
If in thirty years, someone says that my spirit has been shaped like this by the world, you are responsible. I can only say that as one in 1.4 billion, as a writer who wants to learn from Lu Xun , I also tried my best.
After talking about such a long pile of nonsense, many people will be annoyed, or are already annoyed. But no matter what, at the age of thirty, these things that are mediocre, silly, or whimsical are why I have become the root of my thinking, and they are what I want to keep at the age of thirty.
Back to the beginning.
I am thirty years old, and my life has been good and bad. I still live in that small town. I write books, often rack my brains, and often get stuck. But because of the tolerance and support of my book friends, my life has improved. Get by after all. My health is not good, I occasionally suffer from insomnia and toss and turn. If you are in the Kavin period, your life will often lose its order due to anxiety. The housing prices in the town are not high. I saved a lot of money and bought a house by the lake a month ago. It is on the 25th floor and overlooks a very good scenery. I will settle the house in a year and move in. My brother will not have to. I squeezed in and slept on the original balcony of my home.
I occasionally go out for a walk, and if my numbers go well, I can also run to exercise. Sometimes I have two friends, sometimes I don’t. My most common pastime is to go to the cinema alone to watch the newly released blockbuster movies. Although it is located on the busiest pedestrian street in the town, the cinema is often reserved. Fortunately, I am Horror movies have no interest. Since the entire life circle is only within a fifteen-minute walk, I can’t drive yet, and I don’t plan to learn how to drive or buy a car, so that’s it.
I often can't be sincere to my friends because I have too many thoughts in my mind and use my brain too much. I often forget that when I have little contact with people, someone called me to wish me a happy birthday today. It was someone I had talked to many times. I didn't even save his phone number, and I forgot his name. This may not be the first time this happens. Sometimes we say hello when we meet for the first time, and then ask again when we meet outside: "Who are you?" It is often embarrassing. Whenever I feel this, I think the most sincere way is to have less contact. Friend, so I have to narrow my life circle. If you are my friend, please bear with me.
Of course, there are some friends who have a stronger relationship. Sometimes we go out to travel together to relax and unwind, but we never rush to the scenic spots. Don't want to rush.
In this way, it seems that it is all my life.
Compared to the time when I grew up playing in mud and breathing the fumes from cement factories, many things are getting better. I often miss and think about the ruined life and the bad habits I developed in extreme and paranoid ways, but there is no way to change any of these.
So, instead of sighing and feeling sorry for yourself...
Might as well do something.
Sincerely
——
Salute
Angry Banana.
In the early morning after my thirtieth birthday. (End of this chapter)