Chapter 22: The Meow Meow King on the Cat Car
When the cat army triumphantly returned from the grassland, night had already fallen in Kahn Village, and you could see the beautiful starry sky when you looked up.
The entire village of Karn and more than twenty cavalrymen brought by Warrior Captain Gazef were holding torches or oil lamps and lined the streets at the entrance of the village to welcome them.
The joy of escaping from death and the fear of facing the strong were subtly mixed together, and it was difficult to tell what expressions were on their faces. But no matter what, these kitten people who showed their powerful grace and their "master" Ainz-dono still received countless thanks and praises.
In addition to thanking and praising them, Warrior Captain Gazef also tried to ask in a roundabout way the final fate of the special forces of the Slian Theocracy on the opposite side.
Qiu, the tabby cat king, raised his paws in a cute manner and replied casually that although he used his great power to kill several of the enemies, he failed to achieve total annihilation. The remaining enemies still escaped with the bodies of their companions, so There are no prisoners, no trophies, either...
This apparently perfunctory answer was obviously hard to convince, so the unwilling warrior commander Gazef took his people out of the village overnight and searched carefully on the grassland under the moonlight. Sure enough, they still found nothing... The Great Nazarick The eight-limbed assassination bugs dispatched by the graveyard cleaned the battlefield extremely clean. , not only were all the prisoners and equipment escorted back to the Great Tomb of Nazarick, but even the corpses of people and horses, as well as the broken limbs shattered by the explosion, were also killed by these eight-limbed assassination bugs, which were essentially carnivorous spiders. It was eaten cleanly, leaving basically nothing but scorch marks and large craters left by the explosion.
On the other side, the villagers of Kahn Village who survived the disaster were exhausted both mentally and physically after experiencing the most exciting day in their lives. However, in order to entertain their benefactors and eliminate the fear and grief in their hearts, they still fought hard. Got up the spirit and held a bonfire dinner.
Under the supervision of the village chief, the villagers took out all the dried meat, dried fish and wine that they had collected at home, as well as the wild honey that they were reluctant to eat, and entertained the venerable "Great Magician Ainz" and people from the royal capital, as well as the cats who performed shockingly today.
Generally speaking, the texture and taste of these things are slightly inferior to the food provided by the Great Tomb of Nazarick, but most kitten players don't care - for them, due to technical limitations, they cannot pass the electronic The signal completes the simulation of taste. Their bodies are far away in another world, and they actually cannot experience the taste of food from another world at all. The so-called dinner is just a dialog box called [Eat], which is automatically operated by the server system. All the player can see is the physical strength gradually restored with the food intake.
However, those players who are really in this world, namely the cat knight Rachel, the elf Flor, the cat priest Chen Xin and other newcomers to the infinite space who are trapped in another world, are very happy to carry the wine bottle and take a sip. The ground drank like crazy - until he turned into a drunk cat. Finally, the drunken and crazy kittens climbed to the roof one after another and performed a chorus of meows. And the drunk little fairy Flor was flying crookedly around Kahn Village, throwing all kinds of fairy tricks with a silly smile.
——Elf tricks are the racial talents of the goblins. In addition to having the convenience of no cooling time, it also fully embodies the chaotic attributes of the goblins: its effects are random, equivalent to buying a lottery ticket, and can only be used after it is performed. , to know exactly what spell was cast.
Of course, generally speaking, the effects of fairy tricks are in line with the purpose of the SOS group, which is to "make the world more lively"!
Then, accompanied by the sound of cheerful music coming from nowhere, the whole village instantly lit up with soft colored lights, which were beautiful, warm but not dazzling.
Next, the invisible magic turned into gorgeous colorful fireworks, embellishing the entire night sky with extra beauty and brilliance!
"...Where do these lights come from? Is this magic?"
"...Wow! What beautiful fireworks! I heard you can only see them in big cities!"
"...Hmph! Stupid humans! See how powerful we fairies are!" Little Fairy Flor put her hands on her hips and proudly showed off.
"... Bang bang bang! So good, so good! Beautiful little sister! One more!" For a while, several children in the village clapped their hands and cheered, while many adults who were still mourning the death of their relatives and friends, They also cast expectant glances one after another.
They are not heartless, nor are they hard-hearted, but the more cruel and turbulent the era is, the less human beings can live in sorrow. No matter what, they have to take pleasure in hardship to cheer themselves up. Let yourself and your surviving family live a better life.
It is for the same reason that as soon as those soldiers and officers left the bloody battlefield, they eagerly drank, drank, and gambled, using all kinds of depraved enjoyment to eliminate the fear in their hearts and soothe their wounded souls - —This has been true throughout the ages.
Faced with the desires and prayers of so many people, the arrogant Flor immediately agreed happily - for a max-level elf player, "Elf Trick" is basically an entertainment skill that can be used however they want. Completely effortless.
"...[Fairy Trick - Triple Most Enhanced]! Let's make this small village happy!!!"
As a result, streaks of shining bright colorful light dust erupted from Flor's hand. The next moment, more gorgeous and wonderful scenes like a holiday carnival appeared one after another under the incredible mysterious power, and one after another they descended on this small village that had just survived the disaster.
"...Hahahaha! A fountain gushes out from the center of the grain drying field! Wait, what comes out is beer!"
"...It's amazing! Look, look, look! The Emmott family's house is blooming!!!"
"...Eh? Am I drunk? Are my plow dancing with the village chief's table?
"... Why is my helmet singing? It sounds pretty good... Oh, it would be great if my wife could sing half as well!"
"...Shh! Keep your voice down, I seem to hear my shield singing too... Oh my God, my sword jumped out by itself?!"
……
Let the clear beer fountain erupt from the dry earth, let the window frames and door panels sprout and bloom a bunch of beautiful flowers, let the helmets and armor sing happily, let the tables and chairs dance in a circle with a clanging sound, let Sickles and swords jingled and danced, causing the village to call the police The big copper bell turns into a giant music box, playing a variety of cheerful tunes... The skill "Fairy Trick" is the epitome of the chaotic nature of the fairies. They like to make everything messy, but they don't know why. It always creates a happy atmosphere that makes people laugh.
——Just like various fantasy monsters, they are often some kind of material reflection of the human soul. The so-called goblins are actually a group of naughty children who never grow up and love to play, symbolizing the purest innocence of human beings. For little goblins, curiosity, cuteness and mischief are their eternal nature - of course, it can also be understood as the funny nature of "it is common sense to be mean and it is nature to seek death"...
In this way, the half-awake and half-drunk Flor used the fairy's natural ability wantonly, turning this bonfire dinner after the disaster into as lively as a festival celebration in a big city, and almost everyone became Gotta be happy. In the end, a super gorgeous maze technique was performed, turning the entire Karn Village into a gorgeous maze with fluorescent lights, decorated with puppets, ribbons and small shrubs...
In short, the villagers of Kahn Village, after experiencing a terrifying day with ups and downs and tragedy, spent another wonderful night with boundless joy and endless aftertaste. Such a strong and vivid contrast will not be forgotten by these remote villagers who live in isolation until many years later
Next, in the early morning of the next day, Gazef, the warrior captain of the kingdom who had a black eye for some reason, personally led the way, accompanied by more than twenty royal guards, "Great Magician Ainz" and his followers and " The "pets" hurriedly set off towards the fortress city before the sun had fully risen. Lantier's journey... But the residents of Karn Village, who had just woken up from a hangover, had to worry about their home suddenly turning into a big maze...
What Ainz never expected was that his trip to the fortress city would actually turn into a unique and humiliating PLAY trip...
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A fortress city. On the road outside Lantier, an open-top carriage with an extremely strange appearance was speeding towards the city at a fast speed, surrounded by many followers and knights, attracting countless pedestrians to stop and watch and point at it. There was a lot of pointing and discussion.
——In fact, as far as the open carriage itself is concerned, there should be no problem. The smooth and flat black car body, the smooth and elegant appearance, and the complex patterns painted with gold paint on the car panel all demonstrate an aura of wealth and wealth. Even the middle-aged butler sitting in front of the car was a noble old man with a martial temperament, and he looked very impressive.
But the real weird thing is that the animals pulling the harness in front of such a majestic convertible are not two or four fat, tall horses, but... two petite cats? ! ! Naturally, it attracted the attention of everyone along the way!
In this era where there is no TV or Internet news, or even newspapers and magazines with photos, passers-by naturally did not recognize Lord Gazef, the warrior captain of the Kingdom, who was dressed in ordinary clothes, but mistook him and his people for the man on the carriage. The escort of a noble man.
"...Where does this noble noble come from? He can afford more than twenty cavalry to escort him, but he lets such a small cat pull the cart?"
"...What a weird guy! Not only does he wear a strange mask, but he also abuses pets like this. These kittens are so pitiful..."
"...Hey, are you focusing on the wrong thing? The real question is, why can such a small cat pull such a big carriage?"
"...Listening to what you said, it seems a little strange! Could it be a specially trained cart-pulling cat? The kind with particularly strong strength?"
"...I guess it's more likely that I was fed stimulants! But in this case, I will die suddenly due to physical exhaustion soon..."
"...Woo, what a pitiful little kitten... Let's find a more gentle master in the next life..."
……
Almost all the passers-by looked at Ainz's car, and the noise of discussion could be heard in their ears. Comments like these were like steel needles poking into the ears of the Lich King Ainz, making him pretend to be cool while sitting in the car, as if he was attacked by an indescribable emotion:
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regret? ashamed? indignation? Even he himself didn't know what it felt like, but it was very uncomfortable.
"...What a sad scene...It's almost like a punishment game or a shame play..." Ainz murmured to himself, reaching out to knock on the mask on his face, "...If I had known this, I shouldn't have I'm stingy with those few magic gems used to lift the curse..."
——Even if there is no problem with physical strength during this trip, in order to show off his grandeur and identity, as a noble and great magician, Ainz obviously cannot walk into the city on two legs like ordinary farmers, but You must have a luxurious car or mount that matches your status.
Just like modern playboys drive famous brand cars and even luxury yachts, Ainz's travel style cannot be too shabby.
However, for Ainz, the Lich King with a special status, this issue is very troublesome.
First of all, as a Lich King, Ainz has not practiced any "riding" skills at all, not to mention that as a powerful undead creature, if he does not pay attention to restraint, he will continue to emit energy at almost any time. Weak negative energy damage can injure or kill the living creature beneath your crotch if you are not careful. Secondly, as a settlement of the undead, there are no ordinary horses at all in the Great Tomb of Nazarick. Instead, there are all kinds of ferocious and terrifying monsters. However, the current scene is that any one of them is useless. Not on.
——We can’t let Ainz parade around on a nightmare horse with only bones left, right? In that case, why do you need to hide your identity?
In addition, Albedo, the female mistress of the devil, suggested with excitement that the Lich King Ainz could ride on the shoulders of his "rouge horse", which would ensure stability and speed, and he would definitely be able to reach it in half a day. A fortress city. Lantel...but was immediately decisively rejected by Ainz, who still had integrity.
Since there is a lack of suitable riding animals, the only option is to ride a car. For a magician of the Lich King's level, Ainz, making a non-magical item is almost as convenient as using a 3D printer - almost instantly, a foldable and detachable vehicle body was manufactured by him. . You can usually disassemble the carriage and throw all the large and small parts into the [Prop Box] (it can be regarded as Doraemon's four-dimensional pocket, but it is much smaller than that thing). Just reassemble the car when it's time to use it.
Of course, the question of what to use to pull the cart remains unresolved. However, according to the scout's report, in the village of Kahn, the first stop of the trip, there seemed to be people using oxen and horses to pull plows to plow the fields. Presumably, if you were willing to pay, you could still rent a horse to pull the cart.
So, according to this plan, Ainz came to Kahn Village with a group of subordinates. However, the sudden invasion of the special forces of the Silian Theocracy completely disrupted all these plans - because of the group of knights who invaded the village and burned and killed them, the few cows and horses in the village were not dead. , just took advantage of the chaos and disappeared without knowing where to go. Afterwards, there was not even a single animal left in the whole village...
Although when defeating the first group of knights, they also successfully captured several war horses. But these war horses were all tricked by the little fairy Flor - the [Group Unlimited Fart Technique] that destroyed all moral integrity! As a result, until the early morning of the next day when they were about to set off, these poor horses continued to fart. The odor was so strong that the villagers did not dare to keep them in the stables. Tie it to a tree outside the village!
According to the predictions of the little fairy Flor, these horses will have to fart for at least a month. If not, they may even fart non-stop for a lifetime...
Obviously, the Lich King, who relied on magic to still retain his sense of smell, also couldn't stand having two horses that kept farting to pull his cart. The so-called flattery makes people feel good, but the smell of flattery can only make people sick - although he can use a small spell to temporarily paralyze his sense of smell and barely endure it. But what kind of strange looks would passers-by have on me, a magician who pulls a cart with two stinky horses that keep farting? Could it be that he misunderstood himself as a "stinky great magician" with a disgusting quirk? Referred to as "stinky mage" or even "fart mage"? !
What a self-humiliation, what a disgrace! More importantly, how utterly lacking in character!
When people mention Archmage Ainz, they will probably think of his two horses that keep farting. Is this called showmanship? This is called making a fool of yourself!
Just thinking about this terrible scene of being misunderstood and speechless made Ainz almost die of shame and anger.
He is here to arrogantly show off his authority and make people awe, not to provide people with entertainment topics and make a guest appearance as a clown comedian!
Of course, Ainz could also find a way to cure these "farting horses". But the problem is that these horses are not poisoned or sick at this time, but are under the most advanced fairy magic, which is equivalent to being under some kind of chaotic curse, so it is not a healing spell or a bottle of magic. Healing potions can solve it, but you need to use a more advanced skill [Remove Curse]. This would require consuming a higher-level scroll or a magic gem... As a result, Ainz suddenly became stingy and was reluctant to pay such a high price for just two horses.
In fact, there is another way, which is to ask Warrior Captain Gazef for help: he and his men rode over twenty horses, and with a little squeezing, two horses could be freed to pull the cart, and the two extra men Then you can ride a horse with other comrades... But out of some indescribable pride, Especially after showing off and showing off to Warrior Captain Gazef, Ainz seemed to be very reluctant to ask this person for help - he had just pretended to be brave to someone, but then he turned around and asked for help. Asking for help in such a humble manner, such a huge gap really ruins the image!
And asking the subordinates of the Great Tomb of Nazarick to pull a cart or simply make a temporary sedan is also not a good idea in Ainz's eyes - although whether it is Matron Albedo or Butler Sebas, it is probably He was happy to pull a cart or lift a sedan for Ainz, but due to the "residues of human concepts in the old world", Ainz always felt that sedans were too outdated, and rickshaws were also very cheap, far inferior to luxury cars. style.
(This is just Ainz’s own misconception. Humans in this fantasy world would not think this way.)
As for magic-driven automatic vehicles, they can theoretically be tinkered with, but it will take a long time to develop, and it is definitely too late now. Therefore, Tabby Cat King Qiu took advantage of the situation and suggested that he and his little cat player could take turns pulling the cart - a fully leveled cat player, with physical strength comparable to that of an elephant, would definitely be able to pull the cart. As for The problem of insufficient endurance can be solved by taking turns...
Ainz had some doubts about this at first, but after learning that a great magician in a certain fantasy epic also used a rabbit sleigh as his vehicle, he readily accepted the suggestion. (Referring to the brown-robed wizard Radagast who rides a rabbit sleigh in the forest in "The Lord of the Rings", and the leader of the rabbit responsible for pulling the sleigh can also talk, and even raise his middle finger to the orc pursuers. Shouting "Let the wolf come here" )
In his thinking at that time, no matter how unusual the "cat car" was, it was at least better than having two "fart horses" to seduce people all the way. Who would have thought that after actually taking this "cat car" on the road, pedestrians along the way would react like this...
Alas, after such an experience, I am afraid that I will definitely be labeled as a "cat abuser" and a "black-hearted boss", right? !
However, having already reached this point, it doesn't seem to be a good idea to go back on one's promise, as he will probably be looked down upon easily.
The strong men in those fantasy epics are usually the ones who promise a lot of money. How can they change their minds so easily? What is the saying? You are so good at pretending, even if you are in tears, you must continue to pretend!
So, amid the noise of pointing and the strange looks of passers-by, King Meowth of the Great Tomb of Nazarick, uh, no, it’s His Majesty the Lich King Ainz, had no choice but to hide behind his mask, close his eyes and rest, and Surrounded by a crowd of knights, cats and servants, they continued to ride in such an embarrassing "cat carriage" towards the fortress city. Lantel galloped away...