Chapter 306 Selections from the Ministry of Military Affairs · Weekly Series
——[Weekly Article] The Imperial Guard has changed its name! ——
+++Emergency Notice: From the moment you see this news, in order to show the uniqueness of the Imperial Guard, it is different from the common name and common name of ordinary troops, the Imperial Guard (Imperial Guardian) The name has been officially changed to the Astra Militarum. Before the arrival of 999.M35, all army name changes must be completed! +++
This order is simply a spark of wisdom and creativity. This is not just a naming change, but a cultural and spiritual revolution!
The weekly article in this issue aims to discuss the urgency and necessity of this galaxy-wide emergency notice of the Ministry of Military Affairs, and to help everyone understand the wisdom, wisdom, calculation, and foresight of the Supreme Council!
First, “Urgent Announcement” – what an uplifting opening line! It not only catches our eyeballs, it also makes our hearts beat faster, as if we are at a cosmic historical moment and are about to witness the birth of a great event. This is no ordinary announcement, this is the call of destiny, the horn of the glory of the empire, and the spirit of the Eagle Flag shining high above our heads!
Next, in order to "showcase the uniqueness of the Imperial Guard", what a noble goal! In this age of sameness and sameness, who doesn’t crave uniqueness? This is more than just a name change, it is a deep dig into the soul of the empire's basic military power, and a high affirmation of our extraordinary identity.
"Different from the common names and common names of ordinary troops", this is simply a genius idea! Among the vast number of troop names, how do you make the Imperial Guard stand out and become unique? The answer is the Astra Militarum! This is a challenge, but also an opportunity, an opportunity that will make us different from now on!
Then, "The Imperial Guard (IG) has officially been renamed the Astra Militarum (can't abbreviate AM because the Adeptus Mechanicus is also AM, alas)". The power and wisdom contained in this name is simply shocking!
The name "Astra Militarum" not only has the grandeur of the vast universe, but also contains the exploration and conquest of the unknown world. This is not just a name, it is simply a symbol, a symbol of the majesty and glory of the empire!
Also, "Before the arrival of 999.M35, all military name changes must be completed!" This is not only an order, it is a call of the times and a test for every citizen of the empire. This deadline is not only a test of our execution ability, but also a test of our loyalty. It is also a historical node, marking the beginning of a new chapter for the empire.
Finally, after we changed our name to the Astra Militarum, because the new words were too difficult to remember, we no longer had to worry about some people pronouncing our army due to cultural differences within the army. Some people don't know the name, which creates a culture of difference and even discrimination.
From today on, no one knows how to spell, write or pronounce our military name!
In short, this sentence is not just a simple announcement, it is a cultural innovation, a farewell to the past and expectations for the future.
Let us celebrate this moment with the most sincere praise, because this is so cool!
Thought of the Day: Don’t follow the dagger’s lead.
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——[Weekly article] Pay attention to your appearance——
As a member of the glorious Imperium of Man, every Astra Militarum You all deserve to know how to groom yourself to show your pride and recognition of your honorable status. From your outer clothing to your inner mental outlook, you all have a lot to consider.
First of all, if you are not from a well-known military establishment, such as the Catachan troops who are allowed to go shirtless, or the Krieg Corps who are allowed to consume gas mask reserves all year round, or Nostramo Chemical Dogs are all self-sufficient, so they can follow the retro doomerwave trend, etc. Please check whether you have worn the uniforms, belts and leather boots issued by the Ministry of Military Affairs!
If the first step has been completed, check whether your military cap is properly worn, whether all buttons are buttoned, whether the collar is neatly arranged, whether the lining is tucked into the military trousers under the belt, and whether the corners of the clothes are straightened.
If you are not sure about the completeness of your clothing, immediately find the squad leader and ask him to check it for you, unless the time is later than twenty-two o'clock in Terra timing and earlier than four o'clock.
Next, check your hairstyle.
If you have braids and you are not a Sister of Silence or a Custodes or a Space Marine, please reconsider whether you want to keep your braids on your head or your head on your head. neck.
If you have shaved your head with a standard Cadillac crew cut, congratulations, you are a qualified private in terms of hairstyle. Please keep it up.
If you are a bald warrior, check immediately to see if you are one of the Genestealers.
If you have involuntary baldness on the top of your head, you can fill out a synthetic wig application form to solve your personal image problem. Remember, the image of the individual is the image of the empire.
If you don't care about your hairstyle but never wear a mask on the battlefield and have lived until now, with the light shining every time you are in danger, please return to New Terra, my dear Emperor's Favored One.
If you have long black hair, like to wear laurels, and are the chief psyker of your army, stay where you are, Lord Perturabo, the Iron Warriors Primarch, is looking for you.
Daily Thought: The value of truth cannot be measured in words.
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——[Weekly article] Drinking Guide——
Hello, brave Astra Militarum!
We have a very "special" case to show you here: Recently, at the border of the Cronus Expansion, our soldiers discovered an unmarked barrel after a scuffle. liquid and mistook it for some new energy drink.
As a result, the situation became rather awkward when their commander found them cheering around a barrel of engine oil.
Obviously, the soldiers' knowledge of mechanical maintenance needs to be strengthened, but more importantly, this incident taught us a valuable lesson: Never drink engine oil, no matter how much you desire it.
Since we are talking about alcohol knowledge, we have to mention two traditional extraordinary drinks that are widely known among the Astra Militarum, the mead of the Space Wolves, and the potato wine of the World Eaters.
Out of respect and affection for the Astra Militarum, the Space Wolves may offer you this so-called traditional drink, claiming that it is as delicious as any standard Astra Militarum brew.
We strongly recommend that you stay away from the mead of the Space Wolves, not only because your inappropriate behavior after drinking will most likely bring trouble to your companions.
Some of the compounds used in the distillation process of Space Marine Exclusive Spirits are not compatible with your normal human digestive system. The burning of the entrails is said to last a long time, and your companions may be able to enjoy one more meal of wine-flavored roast meat.
However, changing the topic, if you are lucky enough to visit Nuceria, the potato distilled wine there is a different story entirely.
Unlike the mead of the Space Wolves, the potato wine of Nuceria was originally intended for local mortals to enjoy, and was tasted by both Primarchs and Space Marines, so the potato wine is undoubtedly worth a try. A delicious wine that has a unique flavor without making your organs smoke. In fact, it will give you a precious ounce of comfort and courage during a long and arduous battle.
A special reminder here is that although we encourage you to try potato distilled wine in Nuceria, it is important to remember the moderation and avoid overdoing it. At the same time, there is an ironclad rule to stick to: Never try to drink engine oil, no matter how much you crave it.
After all, we want to see you fighting bravely on the battlefield and not dying young because you drank something you shouldn't have.
I hope you will continue to follow the emperor's will and enjoy the normal standard brewing supplies, and maybe a glass of Nuceria's potato distilled wine in due course. Don’t forget to toast your victories once in a while!
Thought of the Day: Two hundred percent preparation is equivalent to delaying the opportunity to fight.
+++
——[Every Monday Waaagh! 】Beware of scams! ——
In recent weeks, the suspected fraudster Pointy Ears has been using pop-pop gadgets to trick the boys into reaching the sky overnight, from a 50-centimeter little fart to a nine-meter-tall giant. Boss! Don't worry, boys, don't drool while staring at this line. Anyway, your low-gothic skills are worse than those of Tadashi Academy's Mushroom Scooter!
So, you are about to ask, what is the Puff-Puff-Afraid thing? It’s a long story. Our front-line nervous boy went deep into Comoros, the den of fraudsters and thieves, to conduct an investigation. He narrowly escaped death and was finally kicked off by his leather boots before he got such a piece of information!
Let me tell you in detail, the Puff Puff Toy is an alchemy potion in a tube. Once it is injected into our hard muscles, the muscles will immediately grow into a big piece. But ninety-nine out of a hundred tubes can stretch your muscles until they explode!
Except for our great, six-meter-tall, super-Wow Doctor Blackhawk, no one has succeeded in using it.
Don’t worry, you didn’t get bigger before you were blown into small pancakes!
Attention, guys, don’t listen to calls from unfamiliar data pads. If you don’t have a can boss to guide you, turn it off quickly (if you really don’t know how to turn it off, just smash it. , it's better to go to the camp and do hard labor with the Ogryns than to be deceived by the pointy-eared things
Don’t trust the sales pitches that come to your door. If the other person mentions suspicious words like “get bigger, turn green, turn gold, turn waaagh”, etc., and plans to come to your door to give you a trial package, it’s all a scam! Remember it!
Note: If the following ones come to you, don’t think it’s a scam!
[Some pictures]
This is the red boss, the best boss to you, you can beg him for a drink! But don’t let the golden corn bosses find out!
【More pictures】
This is the yellow boss. Although the boss looks quite serious, he is even more serious than him in private! If you mess with him, you will definitely get no good results. He can yell at the yellow and black old man to beat you!
[Picture that looks like an ID photo]
This is the yellow and black boss. Even though the boss looks quite serious, he is privately more serious than the yellow boss! If you mess with him, you won't get any good results, because the next time the red boss brings us to a tut tut tut party, he won't take you with him!
[Pictures captured with door locks]
This is the big golden guy. He is being tracked by the above bosses and the golden corn bosses all over the galaxy. I don’t know where he is.
If any kid sees him, report him immediately. We can provide genuine good alchemy potions to ensure that you become bigger, greener, goldier, and waaagher!
The editor of this issue: The smartest little fart·The one who loves to eat bubble water·The one who was kicked as a ball by the Black Hawk boss's princess·What is a frost goblin·The most afraid of the flame troll Dude, the editor of Fart Xiaojing!
Daily Waaagh: Big bang bang, big bang in seconds!
+++
——[Every Monday Waaagh! 】The scumbag who is hindering us! ——
To my loyal readers, touch your cute stupid brains, even if you are hopelessly stupid, you are still much smarter than the annoying shrimps in the Planet Chicken Department!
Ever since I came from the Centaur Galaxy next door, the sales of Waagh have been increasing day by day every Monday. Xiami Zhengwei still thinks that we are in the way and insists on removing us from the chicken transformation department. No. Let us continue to use the name of a weekly article, continue to "pepper noodles", and disrupt their office order.
Don’t think I don’t know. Before we broke in here and started writing articles for Xiami for free, we were publishing an article every week at a loss. We even owed Xiami the author’s royalties and had to pay taxes. At 24%, do we have such a chicken-changing department? It’s so cute!
You should really call the technician guy and make Xiami Zheng wi* go away! Take it away, I don’t want your printer!
Boys, this week's Monday Waaagh is our last special newspaper article. If you shed tears, you can roll up this paper and wipe your face.
I still want to read our serials in the future, and look for the Golden Dakar Chicken Department of the Golden Ax Clan. We are determined to find another place to continue publishing newspapers, become self-reliant, and establish our own military Waaagh Department!
The editor of this issue: The boss of the orcs, the cool one·Cultural green skin·The power of glasses is 8,000 degrees·I heard that the thicker the glasses, the more knowledgeable they are, so they use the bottoms of wine bottles as glasses·Super big green mouse Boss!
Daily Waaagh: The end of being literate is being uneducated!
+++
——[Weekly article] Soldiers, I’m back——
Dear Astra Militarum warriors! With persistent efforts, we finally regained the right to use the editorial department from the stupid Asians, and at the same time replenished the editorial department with brand-new writing machines that were not affected by "wow" thinking!
First, this group of servitors all came from the ranks of warriors during their long and respectable careers, and they know how to create vivid stories that are more attractive to Astra Militarum warriors and closer to combat life, such as How many standard units of force do you need to use to repair a squeaking Rhino transport truck to the point where you can continue to move forward, or to break your own toes so that you can get on the vehicle and wait for the repair to be completed and move on?
Secondly, through the most advanced thought-stimulating solvent, combat-level wrist bone replacement and biological enhancement modules, all the servitors can stably update more than 20,000 words per day. daily!
Finally, our new servitor friends were all loyal readers of the Weekly newspaper. After learning about their love for the Weekly newspaper during their lifetime, we were very moved and immediately invited you to join the editorial department. of written and non-written work, allowing them to deeply participate in this coveted and respectable cause.
In the new creative process, we will definitely provide our loyal readers with a better reading experience!
Thought of the Day: Thoughts cannot be killed by bullets, and neither can the meditator.
(End of this chapter)