Chapter 99 Gu Chuan
As long as he can remember, Gu Chuan has known what responsibilities he should bear. Even though he is still young, he still cannot understand what those responsibilities are, and he must follow the rules set by his elders. Go forward step by step.
The elders praised him endlessly, but he knew that he did not fit in because no one of his age wanted to play with him.
Gu Chuan envied his cousin Shen Xing very much. Even though adults said that Shen Xing was a naughty monkey, he could do whatever he wanted without restraint.
Shen Xing can climb trees and catch fish, and he can also quarrel and fight with people. Once he wants something, he will directly grab it.
And such a thing would never be possible for Gu Chuan to do.
Even if his birthday cake was taken away at the birthday party, the adults would only say: "Gu Chuan is a sensible and good boy, so he won't argue with his cousin."< br>
So Gu Chuan could only stand there and said calmly: "I don't mind."
But how could he not mind?
It’s just that many people forgot that he was also a child, so he forced himself to work hard to become what they expected.
But the more depressed he is, the more he wants to be unrestrained.
The first time he did something inappropriate was when he was eighteen years old. In the afternoon when the cicadas were chirping enthusiastically, he quietly hooked a girl's finger under the desk.
Eighteen-year-old Gu Chuan has someone he likes, and this love is difficult to suppress, so much so that when his parents ordered him to separate from the person he likes, he had the consciousness to resist for the first time. .
In his mind, he had imagined countless times what it would be like to spend a lifetime with the person he liked after getting married. He wanted to be with her and grow old with her. If she liked children, they You can work hard to have a child, and they will have their own home, and in this home, they will be relaxed and happy.
But I don’t know where things went wrong. As time goes by, many things have changed.
His tiredness and impatience, and her hysteria, derailed everything that followed.
Gu Chuan once thought that it was a kind of protection for her to prevent her beloved from being exposed to her repressive and snobbish circle.
Gu Chuan once thought that as long as they loved each other, they could go on together. As long as he was strong enough to leave the family, he would be able to hold the biggest wedding with her.
But these "thoughts" are just his thoughts.
After repeated quarrels and increasing fatigue, they seemed to have become strangers to each other, so separation became inevitable.
Gu Chuan seems to have too many expectations for himself. After starting a new life, he can let go of the past. Just like every ordinary person in this world, the heat and absurdity in adolescence will only fade away with time. Passed by and became a story in the past.
But he overestimated himself. The past that was embedded in almost all of his youth, the life that was filled with all the joy and love of his youth, had left a deep impression on his bones. He may try to hide his mark, but he cannot erase it.
The psychiatrist told Gu Chuan that he needed to change to a new environment and try to start over.
Start over?
Gu Chuan felt ironic. He had tried to start over in the past, but that was the worst decision in his life.
But he still acted like a coward, or maybe he was still trying to save himself subconsciously. He left this familiar city and stayed abroad for seven years.
In the past seven years, he came back when his grandmother was seriously ill and for her funeral.
What if there was any warmth in Gu Chuan’s childhood?
That must be the old lady who always smiled and secretly served him desserts. When the old man passed away, the memories of his childhood were replaced by gray tones in an instant.
At the old lady's funeral, Gu Chuan did not cry like others. Perhaps he was a cold and heartless person at heart, but he was the one who stood in the cemetery the longest.
He thought he should cry, but his dry eyes could not express any moisture.
Gu Chuan suddenly felt that what others said was true, that he was a despicable and shameless person.
A red rose was placed in front of the tombstone, which looked out of place with the white flowers used to commemorate the deceased.
Gu Chuan lowered his eyes and saw the little girl squatting on the ground.
She was wearing a little black skirt with twin ponytails, her eyes were red, and there were wet tears on her lovely face. She was hugging her knees and sniffing sadly from time to time.
Over the years, Gu Chuan only felt that his emotions as a normal person were slowly disappearing. At this time, he saw the girl crying for the old lady. Driven by an inexplicable impulse, he said: "Are you sad?"
The girl raised her face, choked and said: "I'm crying so sadly, can't you see that I'm sad?"
The six-year-old girl, as polished as she is, has not yet Even though they are long, they already have the rudiments of beauty, and the similarity between the eyebrows and eyes is so familiar.
After a long time, Gu Chuan said: "You are Guagua."
The girl was surprised, "Yes, uncle, do you know me?"
She had never seen this good-looking uncle before, and she was surprised that he could call her by his nickname at a glance.
Gu Chuan did not answer the question, but laughed softly, and then said: "Your grandma is my grandma."
Guagua's mind couldn't turn around for a while. .
Gu Chuan looked at the tombstone and said, "But I can't cry."
Everyone can cry, but he can't.
Guagua stared at the tall man for a long time, wiped her eyes, and said: "Mom said that some people didn't cry, but it doesn't mean that they are not sad. He didn't shed tears, but his soul must be crying."
After a moment, Gu Chuan lowered his eyes and looked at her again. His eyes were very careful, as if he wanted to find some trace of an old friend in the child, but he soon suppressed this thought. Everyone All should be unique, no one should have a shadow of another.
Guagua said carefully: "Uncle, can you not tell others that I sent red flowers to grandma." Everyone sent white flowers, but she quietly sent a red rose. She was also afraid of being blamed.
Gu Chuan smiled and said, "I won't tell anyone. Remember that grandma likes red roses. You are very good."
Guagua also laughed out loud, "Uncle, you are such a good person!"
The phone watch on her wrist rang, and she stood up in a hurry, "Dad and mom must be looking for me, I want to go back Yes, uncle..."
Gu Chuan reached out and touched the top of her head, and finally corrected her, "It's uncle, not uncle."
He frowned slightly, "Go back quickly. Don't let mom worry."
Guagua was confused, and at the urging of the bell, she quickly recovered and ran back.
Gu Chuan's eyes followed the girl's back into the distance. In that distance, she ran into her mother's arms. Her father knelt down and wiped the thin sweat on her face from running with a tissue. .
They must be the happiest family.
Across a long distance, and in the change of light caused by the heavy shadows of the trees, Gu Chuan met Chu Yan's eyes for the first time in a long time. The distance between them was too far, and their eyes must have been blurred.
But Gu Chuan had an inexplicable understanding. Her eyes were calm, without disgust or hatred, as calm as if he was just a passing stranger in her life.
So, he clearly realized that he was the only one who stayed in that past.
A story started by two people, but now only one person is left singing a one-man show, so what's the point?
Yes, there is no point.
Gu Chuan did not bother that family. He returned to the house he bought with her. In their vision, this would be their wedding house, where they would have children and have children. I will stay here with you until the end of my life.
The decoration of the house, the arrangement of furniture, and even the baby room that was prepared in advance were all decisions they made together and based on their preferences, but then they separated and another woman When I moved in, everything was disrupted.
In the years when Gu Chuan was abroad, he met Song Xuewei by chance. It was at a banquet. A certain young company president brought Song Xuewong to attend. At that time, Song Xuewong changed herself She was named Song Xuexuan.
I heard that the young company president originally only took her as a lover, but later he fell in love with her, and now he is making trouble to break off the engagement and give his lover a legitimate identity.
As for Lin Chenan, the vigorous man whom Song Xueyuan fell in love with back then seemed to have disappeared from her life.
Everyone's destiny is in chaos, and it seems that they will move forward as they are now from the beginning. Everyone knows that there should be a new beginning.
But he can't.
Gu Chuan drank a glass of red wine and lay in the bathtub. He closed his eyes and the sleeping pills were slowly taking effect.
All the things in this life appeared before his eyes one by one.
He has surrendered, resisted, gone crazy, and been desperate.
And in the end, these things just turned into white spots of light and slowly disappeared from his mind.
The warmth left by the scarred wrist slowly dyed the water surface into bright colors. Perhaps it was his illusion, but in his hazy consciousness, he actually felt a burst of warmth.
It seemed like he was back when he was still in his mother's womb, wrapped in tenderness, and he could find a safe haven to escape the wind and rain.
There, he was not the heir to the Gu family, nor was he a tool used by his parents to continue their glory. He was no longer the child who needed to follow the rules, and more importantly, he was no longer the most annoying version of himself.
The wind is so cold that it makes my scalp numb.
The vibration of the cell phone continued, urging the person who was dazed to answer the phone quickly.
He opened his eyes and saw the familiar scene in his memory, but he didn't react for a long time.
Right ahead, an intern who has just arrived in the company is squatting on the roadside crying pitifully because she has been rejected by her colleagues. The girl's small figure is weak and helpless, as if she is waiting for someone to come. The mountains that shield her from the wind and rain.
He raised his hand, his wrist was smooth and there were no scars on the skin.
A colder wind swept over him. He came to his senses and took a step back instead of moving forward. He answered the call a second before the vibration of his phone was about to end.
His voice was dry, "Yanyan?"
"Gu Chuan, I have something to tell you. Can you come back tonight?"
Him He answered quickly, "Yes, you must wait for me, wait for me..."
The man stumbled back and disappeared into the night.
There was another "tick" sound.
The red ripples spread out slightly, and the reflection on the water surface was chaotic.
The unattended house fell into silence forever.