Chapter 882 Destiny Shift 2nd
It wasn't until Toru Amuro's voice interrupted his narration that Karasawa realized that he had been talking endlessly and seemed to be unable to stop. He raised his hand and pressed his eyebrows.
Probably in order to solve the problem of the library director, he had to be exposed to some similar scenes. Although Moriwaki Bunta did not show any discomfort or touch when he caused the wound on Moriwaki Bunta, Karasawa himself knew very well that his The mood is indeed somewhat abnormal.
"Sorry." Tangze closed his eyes and tried to clear the flashbacks in his mind, "I'm a little excited, nothing happened."
It doesn’t look like nothing is wrong at all...
Toru Amuro looked at Karasawa who was becoming stubborn again with a headache, and had to agree with Hiro's judgment.
Tang Ze has always emphasized that he is mentally healthy and any problems are just minor problems. No matter how much people make insinuations, they really haven't found anything. However, there may be a deep shadow in his heart, but maybe the direction is different from what many people have guessed. same.
Maybe Tang Ze's heartache has nothing to do with the case he was involved in.
For an ordinary 18-year-old boy, he faces systematic bullying by violent agencies and an unfair judicial system that does not give him a chance to resist. Coupled with organizational interference and obstruction, there may also be physical and mental torture. Abuse may really cause him to break down, his temperament will change drastically, and he will no longer be able to trust the people around him, but Karasawa is obviously not an ordinary boy.
He already knows the culprit behind the case, but he has not yet solved the problem - and is not in a hurry to solve it. After all, an unresolved state is a normal state for an organization. What Tang Ze pursues is to directly address the root cause and solve the organization that caused the problem. , then the problem itself collapses.
What these things bring to Tang Ze is only inconvenience. Some identity issues may cause inconvenience to future life, but will not form any psychological shadow. Even the part that has been shown in the past, the mental suggestion component forcibly implanted by the acting and organization will A little more.
His mental health is indeed unhealthy, but it is not caused by his past experiences.
He has a trauma that he has never told anyone. When he is truly touched, an experienced person like Tangze will temporarily lose the ability to control his emotions...
Constantly analyzing in his mind, Toru Amuro pretended to accept Karasawa's statement, and did not ask him about his performance just now, but answered the questions he raised seriously.
"Well, regarding this issue... I really don't know where I caused you to misunderstand. I will just treat it as you praising me for doing a good job. What I want to say is that I have never adjusted."
Hearing this answer, Tang Ze raised his eyebrows.
"Who can forget something like that? In the past three years, I have not forgotten that afternoon one day." Toru Amuro spread his hands and admitted his emotional problems very frankly, "You described me as someone who is unparalleled in the world. Like an undercover agent, I can not only play an identity completely different from my own, but also control every emotion without getting lost at all... If only I were as powerful as you imagine."
How could it be forgotten? How is it possible to get out?
Every day, when he is not so busy and his nerves are not so tense, when he is slightly separated from the tense three aspects of life and thinks about his own life, everything that happened that day will come back to him quietly.
Sometimes it’s the open wounds and blood, the splashing liquid that wets the shirt on the man’s chest and the low wall behind him; sometimes it’s a pair of cold and sharp green eyes, it’s Akai Shuichi’s long hair fluttering in the wind stained with blood and Moments of dust; sometimes it is a dark stairwell, and when you finally reach the last few steps and finally see the bright sky in front of your eyes, you will hear the roar of gunfire and the pungent smell of gunpowder smoke...
He didn't know what form other people's memories took, but for Feng Guling, some unforgettable moments were always left in his memory through these bits and pieces of senses.
"I never deny that I am irrational at certain times." He put away the smile on his face, and the sharp temperament belonging to Fangtani Rei briefly appeared on his face, "I know, although I feel sorry for myself I found a reason and said that I would do this because I felt that Rai had taken away my credit and was a scheming evil dog, so I was hostile to him. But the reality is that from the day Hiro died, I was hostile to him. The target and resentment are almost on the table.”
Tang Ze blinked, his eyes briefly wandering.
There was no way to refute it. He even knew that Toru Amuro even practiced boxing during morning training, and his mind was recalling Akai Shuichi's appearance, punching hard...
"And you, kid." He raised his index finger and tapped Tang Ze's face from a distance, "If I were really a qualified undercover agent, I shouldn't have been merciful to you in the first place. I also know very well that if I really carry out my Bourbon identity. It is impossible for me to have the slightest sympathy for a target who lives alone in my territory. Instead, I should feel that without relatives and friends, you are now isolated and helpless. You are a child who can be easily solved. I feel that the organization requires I am wasting my time by standing still and should deal with it as soon as possible.”
As an undercover agent, doing this is a bit impulsive and not rational enough.
It's just that the organization itself is a free and unorganized criminal group, and the main members are each bad in their own way and disobedient to discipline. They just cover up these flaws in the past.
"I have never been a perfect undercover, at most I have some talent. In this aspect, you are not much inferior to me." Knowing that Tang Ze's emotions have not completely calmed down, Fangtani Rei rarely expressed his thoughts candidly. , did not hesitate to recognize Tang Ze, "You said, you will question why I can come out of Jing's death. I have actually imagined similar things. I will think about it, if it is you Tang Ze, or be an undercover agent Will Shuichi Akai, who is more thorough and ruthless, have a chance to save him? ”
If I could be faster, be stronger than Shuichi Akai, or smell something wrong earlier, and remind Jing in time that the situation has changed, would the ending of that day be different, would it be...
"Amuro, no, Mr. Furutani..."
Tang Ze opened his mouth and wanted to comfort him in return, but was interrupted by Fang Gu Ling raising his hand.
"It doesn't matter. I also know that there is a high probability that there will be no difference. There is no such possibility. Like you said, maybe you will come to be an undercover agent. Jing is my childhood friend and a very close classmate in the police academy. You shouldn’t be sent to the same place as an undercover agent, I know, so these are just unrealistic fantasies.”
Having said this, Fang Guling's eyes softened a little.
Of course, now these fantasies have become reality through Karasawa, this incredible child. Some of the painful scenes finally began to fade away.
He originally thought that this day would have to wait for a long time. Maybe it would take a long time for him to truly look at the death of his friend with a normal heart until the organization was uprooted and eradicated.
So he couldn't let Tang Ze fall into some kind of myth, and he should also help this child.
"In fact, the person I have always hated the most is not Akai Shuichi, but myself. I regret it. I want to blame myself for why I can't do better. I didn't save Jing. I didn't protect everyone. Where can I I’m not qualified to talk about loss and pain. It’s not me who lost anything, it’s him who lost his life.”
"You're too negative to say that. It's not your fault." Tangze shook his head.
"No, it is precisely because I have figured this out that I am no longer negative." Rei Fangtani chuckled at his relief, "Admit this, admit that I am indeed immature enough to understand myself and what I value. People, my partners and friends have sacrificed so much for this goal that I cannot stop. I must digest these pains, I must complete my mission and continue on.”
Take their share with you.
If you are trapped in pain and hatred, and fall into the confusion of personal emotions, it will really make the sacrifice meaningless.
"So, you want to ask me how to adjust... I will never forget the past, I just choose the present and the future. I don't know why you ask this, Tang Ze, you may also have some unknown things. Painful. If you ask me for my opinion, then I suggest you give it a try. Never stop, that’s enough.”
Choose the present, choose the future, and do what you want to do and what you should do. Even if everyone thinks it is impossible and difficult to reach the sky, you must carry those things and their expectations with you and go on.
Even though life is tortuous and legendary for ordinary people, Fangtani Rei always believes that he is also an ordinary person, with his own joys and sorrows, fatigue, pain, failure, and collapse... so he just Ask yourself to keep going, make progress a habit, keep your eyes on the goal, without hesitation, without stopping...
If you have to ask, this is how Jiang Gu Ling got to where he is today step by step.
"Choose the present, and the future..." Karasawa repeated in a low voice. Seeing the gentle smile on Fangtani Rei's face, which was either relief or encouragement, he slowly exhaled, "What you said is simple."
Of course it is not simple. It is precisely because of doing this that Jiang Guling knows that it is not simple.
Moreover, Fangtani Rei knew that this might be more difficult for Tangze than him.
After all, he is a healthy person, a serious policeman who has received psychological evaluation and training before starting his undercover career. Tang Ze is a patient with quasi-hyperamnesia, which makes it harder to forget than ordinary people, and the pain and trauma will be further deepened.
So Fukutani Rei once again avoided asking about the source of Karasawa's emotions and used a gentle tone to persuade him.
"It's enough not to forget the past. People are shaped by their own memories. Even if you lose your memory, even if you are still you, some things will become different. Since you really can't forget it, don't force yourself to forget it. If you feel If you regret it, go for it if you can, and make up for what you can’t. If you can’t do it, just do the right thing as much as you can, and just have a clear conscience.”
Is it okay to have a clear conscience...
Tang Ze slowly lowered his head and looked at his hands again.
Although the shape of these young hands was completely different from his before, as his memory recovered and he remembered all the past, he was becoming completely familiar with it, showing the skills and power of the past.
Regardless of whether Tangze resists or not, he is already standing here and has entered a new life.
Just like what Leon said...
"I am you, you are me."
"Huh?" Toru Amuro, who didn't quite understand what Karasawa was whispering, uttered a questionable syllable.
However, Tangze, whose thoughts were interrupted by a similar voice, could no longer hear his question.
"I am you...you are me..."
"Here you gain a new bond"
"The contract is what it is called,"
"Break the shackles and seek the wings of freedom"
"I, the evolution of the magician's mask, receive the wind of blessing"
"To help you fly to the end..."
[I said, I will always be on your side, guest. I have never lied to you. My authority does not allow me to do so.
It's been so long, and it's never them who is always hesitant to move forward, always hesitant about who you are, but you.
The Magician card is the second card of the Major Arcana. It is the guide of the fool's journey. He is not omniscient and omnipotent, but he can give direction to the blind. Are you satisfied with the answer he gave you? 】
【rankup! Rank6! 】
【coop——Destiny Shift 2nd】
[A new road has opened, and you have embarked on a new life with no turning back and no fear.
Even if I look at all the future, I can no longer make any judgment for you.
Next, it’s you who has to judge the future. 】
"Karasawa? Hey, are you really okay?"
After finishing the chicken soup with confidence, Amuro Toru found that the guy who was listening had been hanging his head in silence for a while. Seeing that Karasawa still didn't respond, he couldn't help but stretched out his hand and waved it in front of Karasawa's eyes to confirm that his consciousness was still alive. With.
No matter what the situation, he didn't feel that what he said was outrageous. Why did he stop this guy?
It wasn't until his hand shook back and forth two or three times that Tang Ze raised his head again.
That look was not a look that had brought him back to consciousness, but a subtle look, as if he had seen a ghost.
"Hey, something is really wrong with you today..."
"What did you just say?" Before Tohru Amuro could finish his question, Tang Ze continued with a straight look on his face, as if nothing was wrong, "Oh, speaking of it, I used some means to find out about your situation. In fact, I had a plan when I first learned about it.”
What kind of mind-bending conversation is this?
Could it be that Karasawa wanted to use this method of pretending to be stupid and pretend that the heart-to-heart talk just now never happened?
Facing Toru Amuro's suspicious gaze, Karasawa continued with a calm expression.
"At this time, because I have mastered the method of using my own power, I have a little bit of ideas, a little bit of ideas that can avoid the organization and avoid everyone. In order to verify this, I formed the Phantom Thieves of the Heart. ”
Picking up the water cup to drink some coffee, Toru Amuro took a sip of water.
He said it, and Tang Ze actually said it like this, as if nothing had happened...!
(End of chapter)