Chapter 3113 (Three Thousand One Hundred and Thirteen) Spending Time
Li Pingrun thought of his grandma and his sister Li Gengmi, and felt that he might not be the person who didn't have that kind of courage in the first place.
He thought: Something must have worn away my courage... I think now that even if I had realized the injustice to the people in blue armor, I would have only dared to say something secretly, and I would not have dared to do anything secretly. I don’t even dare to say or do anything openly. The reason why I think this way at this moment is because the person who thinks these things is me now, right? Is it me today who is imagining what I would have been like in the past? If it were me in the past, would I not dare to say it secretly or do it openly in that situation? Not necessarily. When I first started working for the clan leader, I shouldn't be as timid as I am now, right? If you stay in an environment where you may be punished at any time for a long time, will your courage fly away and your courage become weaker? However, if I don’t become timid, can I, a person who works for the patriarch, really survive until now?
Li Pingrun thought of the times when he was afraid of death, fear of being punished, and even times when he was afraid of being blamed. Then he thought of the time when he knew that his sister's death was indeed related to him and that he no longer cherished this. world time. He felt many emotions again.
He thought: I am really a person... In fact, it is normal to have the desire to survive... At that time, I was so afraid of death, but later I became afraid of living... Why would the same person have such a different reaction? When I am afraid of death, am I greedy that everything I get will disappear when I die? Do I want to avoid pain when I am afraid of living? But later on, if I was still greedy for everything I got, why would I want to escape from this world? Which is more important to me, avoiding pain or craving for gain? Is it to avoid pain? Maybe! But... in fact, sometimes greed for gain itself can cause inner pain. When I want to stop, I feel that if I stop, I will lose everything, but if I don’t stop, will I lose everything? No, I still feel guilty in my heart, a strong guilt towards me, Gengmi. Perhaps my most serious pain comes from the fact that even if I regret what I have done before, it will not help, and I cannot bring my sister who passed away because of me back into this world? What am I afraid of?
Li Gengmi thought about it over and over, but he didn't think it through completely, so he stopped thinking about it.
He began to think: Gengmi asked me to live well. I seemed to understand something at that time. Of course, all this is inseparable from what Elder Tie said before. Every time I promise a powerful person from the Tiecang tribe to use magic to do something, no matter whether that thing has been completed or not, I have to pay the corresponding price, and Gengmi will also suffer more. In fact, I already knew about this after my sister passed away and before I read her letter. However, after agreeing to the clan leader's request, I couldn't do it in a down-to-earth manner. Now I think about some of the obsessions that should be let go. No matter whether I do it or not, I have already agreed, and the consequences have already been caused. If I struggle repeatedly in my heart, I will appear to be abnormal, and I will not be able to do what I have promised. Other things will happen. If other things happen and cause other consequences that would not have happened originally, from a certain perspective, I would be sorry for my sister. (End of chapter)