Chapter 5047 (Five Thousand and Forty-Seven) Reflection
“You said your discomfort passed quickly. Why was that?” asked the man with gray hands.
"Probably... maybe it's because I have taken things lightly... I don't care so much about hypocrisy, and I don't want to hide away, so... so I just let myself stay under the spring sun, stay, stay... ...I feel...the feeling of being illuminated by the spring sun...it's so nice. It's warm...and comfortable. The spring sun doesn't have the burning feeling...it feels like the summer sun. It makes people feel cruel. The sun in winter does not feel scorching, but...but the biting cold wind in winter itself, and the blizzard that I have seen burying people to death... can also give people a feeling of cruelty." The man said, "Not only that, I saw the light reflected on the slightly bright grass. I... really like to see that kind of light, that kind of light... I don't know how to describe it... it just gives people the feeling... I don’t know how to say it...it’s still like what I just said, it seems to be talking to me..."
"What do you think it's saying to you?" the gray-hand man asked.
"I don't understand...I definitely don't understand." The person said, "I didn't intend to understand, but...but it seems that when I heard its silent words, I...I felt as if...I was... Let me... don't do something that ends my life. I... I don't know how to put it more clearly... maybe... maybe the grass itself is a life, and it reflects the light of the sun... It seems. Talking to me silently...the words themselves...have something to do with life? I...I don't know...These are all what I'm thinking of now, and I feel a bit ridiculous, but...but I will tell you what I think...I am not trying to deceive you...I don't know when I will think about something. In fact, when I told you this, I felt a little confused... ...that feeling is very complicated...a feeling that seems to be unclear...Looking beyond that feeling, now that I think about it...in fact, life...is just that...what is life if it's not that kind of thing? Something? Yes...this should be my normal thought. Hey, I don't know why I thought so much...so many abnormal things just now...maybe it's just because you asked that. ...but...no matter what caused me to think that way, what I told you must be the truth...what I thought in my heart...I can only say...I didn't lie to you...really...truly. I didn’t lie to you.”
After hearing what the man said in a long and verbose manner, the gray-hand man was naturally a little dissatisfied. However, because he had experienced the despair before, the gray-hand man did not feel irritable again at this time.
The man with gray hands said patiently: "It's okay. If you think of anything, just tell me. I didn't say you would deceive us."
"Oh... oh... I know." The person said, "Yeah... you shouldn't think so. Is it... am I overthinking it again? I don't know... what's going on. I think too much. Sometimes...sometimes it's hard to control...my thoughts...it seems like I can't control them easily...I...can't help it." (End of Chapter)