Today is an unusual day for the port mafia. The burly men wearing black sunglasses and holding submachine guns stood straight and stood at their posts, waiting for news from the hospital. Only their trembling fingertips betrayed them. Alleviated their anxiety.
Today, their leader is going to give birth.
Sorry, the leader’s wife is giving birth.
Zhongyuan Zhongya, a conscientious social animal, was walking near the delivery room of the hospital. When he saw someone coming out, he immediately chased after him and asked, scaring the little nurse to tears.
"How is the leader of our family? Is he still alive? Is Madam okay?!"
The nurse tried her best to comfort her: "Calm down the family! I'm just here to take care of you!"
It started from the moment when my wife failed to play games in the delivery room, and couldn't bear it anymore, she threw the game console angrily and held her stomach, crying out in pain. .
.
For a good delivery environment, I bought the best obstetrics and gynecology hospital in Yokohama.
Having a baby is very troublesome. It’s best not to do it a second time. Also, I want a little cotton-padded jacket, so don’t give me a black-hearted jacket.
Why does my young, beautiful wife have to suffer this kind of thing?
Lying on the luxurious hospital bed, gnawing on the apple peeled by Dazai Osamu, playing games and blowing on the air conditioner, I thought of this, and sighed deeply, lamenting that it is not easy to be a mother for the first time.
Dazai Osamu, who was busy with his business, was even more nervous than me. Some people thought he was giving birth to a baby. After a while, he ran to a children's clothing store and bought a bunch of pink skirts and asked me if they looked good. I bought a bunch of milk powder and drank it for myself. Sometimes she would hold my hand in the middle of the night and ask me if I would give up the baby if I gave birth to it. She would cry even more sadly than me.
Me: "???"
Big brother? Do you suffer from prenatal depression? ? ?
So I invited three psychiatrists to take turns counseling Dazai Osamu. As a result, Dazai Osamu did not recover, and the three doctors became depressed. The depressed little Zai Zai huddled pitifully in my arms, moaning, and was jealous of the air.
I comforted him: "Zai, you are the cutest, I will not dislike you for giving birth to a child with a yellow face."
Dazai Osamu burst into tears: "Madam, you are indeed She loves me."
I thought so: "Yes, peel me two apples later, and then buy my favorite caramel pudding, and also buy the new jump."
Don’t forget it after crying.
The second before Osamu Dazai ordered Nakahara Chuuya to run errands, the second after that my game failure voice came along with labor pains. I screamed and grabbed Dazai Osamu's arm, and Osamu Dazai also cried out, Damn it, it hurts me to death!
The bell rang, Dazai Osamu and I were pushed to the delivery room crying by the doctors and nurses who came after hearing the sound. They couldn't separate the two of us who were crying desperately, so they could only cheer us up. , the nurse on the far side even held up a light stick.
"Chief, take a deep breath, it won't hurt! It will pass if you bear it, don't hold your breath!"
"Madam, chief is dying, please take it easy!"
“Ah! Leader, don’t give up on yourself. Come on, the leader has faded. Color it up quickly!”
"Madam! Stop pulling. The leader's arm is coming out! No, it's falling off!"
The light in the delivery room made me dizzy, and my stomach felt like a mackerel fighting a slug for three hundred rounds. , and there is a man crying and howling beside him. Hearing it makes me upset, ah ah ah, let the world be destroyed!
However, listening to Dazai Osamu crying desperately, I suddenly felt a little pain-free, my stomach was warm, and the pain that was about to kill me just now was also reduced a lot. As soon as my mind turned around, I felt like I was in pain again. Pinch the flesh of your hand hard, huh? It really works!
My eyes lit up when I got the incredible information. Osamu Dazai, who was crying, thought I was in pain, so he resisted the urge to break his arm, grabbed my hand, and stopped crying immediately.
In fact, Dazai Osamu, who was scared to death of pain, had a reassuring smile on his painful face, and stretched out his other arm in an upright manner: "Hey, madam, just pinch it, don't be afraid, it actually doesn't hurt at all. ”
But damn, you made me burst into tears several times!
It is true that I am not moved. Osamu Dazai has sacrificed too much. Tears filled my eyes and I pinched harder. Dazai Osamu held back his tears and said he didn't feel any pain at all. He held my hand and talked a lot. He cried softly intermittently. I knew that he really tried his best.
I nodded, and then said with a smile: "Dazai, although you look miserable when you cry, you are really a man."
Dazai Osamu: "Oh, oh, madam~ ”
Me: “So can you go out, you are too noisy”
Dazai Osamu: "???"
Compared with our behavior of spreading dog food in the delivery room, Nakahara outside the door was very poor. He walked back and forth several times, frowning. New nurses came and went to comfort him.
"It's okay, this is the first time, don't worry, my wife and children will be safe."
Zhongyuan Zhongya covered his ears and closed his eyes in pain: "But the leader is fucking I’ve been screaming for a long time, is giving birth so scary?”
The delivery room opened, and Zhongyuan Zhongya, who was worried, ran over quickly. It was the leader who was blinking his egg-shaped eyes and crying to stay, like a caterpillar. The hospital bed was twisting.
Zhongyuan Zhongya rushed up: "Madam, are you okay? Where is the child?"
"The child is not finished yet. The husband is too noisy. Madam asked us to throw him out, saying that men will only affect her ability to give birth to children." Speed."
"No, no, no, I can do it! Let me stay and continue! Osamu Dazai was tied to the hospital bed with a bandage in his mouth. He stared at the door of the delivery room without giving up. The nurse ruthlessly pushed him to the operating room next door for orthopedic surgery.
Nakahara Chuuya, who witnessed everything, was moved: "Dazai, I admit that you are half a man."
By the way, Dazai Osamu's combat effectiveness was 0.5 in Nakahara Chuuya's heart. A mackerel can make a splash with a flick of its tail.
Finally, the child came out, and Dazai Osamu didn't come out of the operating room next door. I heard that the doctor specially administered double anesthesia to knock Dazai Osamu unconscious.
.
The moment I pushed it out and opened my eyes again, I first turned to the nurse and asked: "Where is Dazai?"
The nurse poured me a glass of water: "Father and son are safe. , Sir is next door, and the child’s stupidity is very much like yours.”
The stupidity is the last stubbornness.
She opened the curtain in the middle, and the tortured Dazai Osamu, with his plaster face turned to death, muttered, Madam did not dislike me, how could I lose my family status, I am the most lovable...
It’s over, I have postpartum depression after giving birth!
Dazai Osamu, who was wandering alone, saw my eyes lit up and my mouth dropped. He felt aggrieved and made a hug gesture with his hands wrapped in plaster. The very discerning nurse immediately took us two The hospital beds were brought together, and Osamu Dazai hugged me smoothly.
He put his head on the crook of my neck: "Madam, am I useless?"
I hugged him tightly: "No, Dazai is the most reliable man."
The two of us looked at each other affectionately. The nurse who was hesitant to speak sighed and quietly went out to close the door for us.
The wilting cat Dazai, who seemed to have been wet by the rain, shrank up slightly, a blush appeared on his endearing face, and he spoke expectantly, "Then, madam, can you..."
I closed my eyes and kissed him, and immediately received a more enthusiastic response.
Five minutes later, I coughed: "Don't worry, you are the cutest in my eyes. I have already thought about what the child will be called."
I put my hands on my hips proudly: "That's it. It’s called Little Curry, don’t you like curry very much?”
"Madam..." Unexpectedly, Dazai Osamu's eyes widened slightly, and his kite color was covered with a layer of mist. Then he hugged me into his arms and rubbed me with pleasure, "What a good name, you deserve to be Madam." "
"Right! I also thought of a name. The coffee is good, don't you like it?"
"...Well, let's call it curry! The very excited Osamu Dazai immediately made a decision for his child.
Wives slave Dazai Osamu decisively sold his children to make his wife happy. It didn’t matter if he cheated his son. If he became ruthless, he would even cheat himself.
My physical fitness is very good and I am very active now. Due to Dazai Osamu’s physical condition, he was very tenacious and said that he was fine. Finally, the two of us decided to leave the hospital and go home. We waited until I drove Dazai Osamu back. When I was in a cozy little home, I always felt like something was wrong.
......
Nakahara Chuya, the wet nurse who was left holding her baby in the hospital: "???"
"Where is the person?" "Run away?"
“Hey, isn’t it————”
.
A series about raising children~
“Stare————”
“Stare————”
Warm living room, a The older one and the younger one stared at each other unwilling to admit defeat, their similar faces showing their dislike for each other.
Dazai Osamu pointed to the small dress on the floor: "Do you want to wear it?"
The baby was indifferent: "That is for girls."
Dazai Osamu picked up the small dress and took it for granted. Defense: "Who stipulates that boys can't wear skirts? Give it to me Wear it!"
The baby backed away in disgust: "Dirty adults, are you a lolita control?"
"Shut up, you are a black-hearted jacket, Caramel Sauce obviously wants it. A little cotton-padded jacket, so she will be happy!”
The black-haired little curry frowned, patted the floor with his little hands, and tried to stand up on his short legs. He put his hands on his hips and made a milky sound while questioning his old father who had worked so hard to raise him.
"But mom likes me, who cares about dad, he's not as cute as me anyway."
Dazai Osamu: "!!!"
I don't care about my dad getting worse. The darker his face, the three-year-old Curry reached out his hand naturally: "I want to drink milk."
"...I want to drink milk, okay~" Dazai Osamu smiled disdainfully.
.
When I came home from get off work, the room was in a mess, as if the devils were raiding the village. My aggrieved son saw me and ran straight over. I hugged him distressedly.
"Baby, mom is so worried about you, what's wrong?"
The son's fleshy face was full of grievances, he bit his finger, lowered his big watery eyes, and turned his head to look Behind him, he seemed to be hesitating whether to speak or not, his little face became increasingly wilted.
"No, Mom." The strong son tried his best to smile, looking pitiful.
When I saw it, I thought, well, Osamu Dazai must have bullied my lovely son. My face sank. When my son saw this, he quickly held my hand.
"Mom, that's not the case. Daddy is just too hungry, so he drinks all my milk." His small body is written with reliability, and the fur on his plush seaweed head flutters in the wind. , stood stubbornly, and cutely took out a small piece of rope from his pocket, "And dad also taught me games that can exercise my cervical spine."
Holding the small rope, my face became more and more expressionless. The worse.
Is this fucking person a human being? I work hard in Hong Kong and earn money to support my family. Dazai Osamu is a bad boy at home, not to mention taking other people's milk to drink. This is such a bitch and must not be tolerated!
Drawing on the little curry, I bumped into someone carrying a fruit plate and wearing a little yellow duck apron. Black smoke erupted on the spot.
Little Curry handed me a chicken feather blanket and fanned me eagerly with a small fan.
“I’ll give you the caramel sauce, okay?” Dazai Osamu was stunned. He glanced at his son with a bright face behind his wife, and immediately understood that people’s hearts are sinister, but how could this be possible for a newly debuted child star? Comparable to Oscar winner.
"Caramel sauce, I was wrong. It's because your son refused to let you wear a small skirt." Osamu Dazai changed the topic and pitifully brought the topic to the child, showing me his golden eyes. Zhong smiled proudly and handed me the little skirt.
The son, feeling something bad, turned around and ran away, and was caught off guard by fate's neck being pinched.
“No————” The son fluttered his little arms and legs in mid-air, watching the pink and tender skirt getting closer and closer.
I'm sorry, mom really... really wants to see Mr. Shota wearing a skirt!
Satisfied and putting away the camera, I waved my hand and forgave Osamu Dazai. Only my red-faced son dared to stare at Osamu Dazai angrily and dared not speak. He grabbed his clothes with his little hands and had a headache on his head. Breathing the steam, the little mouth opens and closes.
You, wait, wait,
It’s nothing to be jealous of your son. You can’t wait to follow your mother 25 hours a day to see if he won’t take off the oxygen mask when his father gets old. Then please Professional black people carried the coffin, put on the sound box "Good Luck" for three days and three nights, covered it with a trumpet and blew it, and invited all Yokohama to a feast.
The smiling Dazai Osamu was dismissive. The level was too low, and he was too lazy to take action. He immediately hugged his wife and strutted back to the bedroom to applaud his love.
Not forgetting to return a provocative look.
Little Curry: "!!!"
Actually, I can see it: "..."
Feeling tired.
.
The big one and the small one fight openly and secretly, but in fact, working together can also kill people.
Little Curry has had an IQ that is incompatible with ordinary people since he was a child. He has always been unwilling to play with other children and plays games by himself. I have always been worried that he will become autistic, so I secretly observed the wall-climbing kindergarten. Let's see who dares to bully my son.
Think about it, his physical skills are as impressive as his father's, he is arrogant and awkward, he also likes to tease people, and he has the perfect aloof academic persona. What if he is bullied?
As a result, I discovered that my son, who was weak in my eyes, easily broke the kindergarten facilities and coldly pointed out the various shortcomings of the little chubby guy in front of him. Who could bear the double critical attack of physical attacks and verbal attacks? Come on.
So, he became the boss of the kindergarten, with no hair within ten meters.
Sorry, I forgot about the strange power inherited from generation to generation in my family. Both stupidity and strange power coexist.
The teachers who heard the news were deceived by his appearance, and because he was so good at talking, the teachers were so excited that no one held him accountable.
Later, I found out that Osamu Dazai taught him this.
But I'm still worried that he has no friends. What should I do if he has no friends? I don't want him to become a pitiful adult like Dazai Osamu who has no friends and still shows off alone.
I called and asked Chuuya to ride a cool motorcycle to pick up Little Curry. Children all like Ultraman and Transformers. A motorcycle is a boy’s dream, and my son can definitely do it.
As a result, he called me in the middle of the day and said that all the children were scared to tears and that he had forgotten that there was a row of black lizards following him.
I completely gave up my plan to peek into my son’s campus life.
Until one day, I was watching TV at home. Little Curry, who came back from school with a heavy dusty atmosphere, covered his hair that seemed to be dying, and looked at the fear of encountering a powerful enemy that could not be ignored. Flame, went back to the room and closed the door. I was confused, and Dazai next to me was thoughtful.
"I have met some kind of friend. I'm very happy, madam." His eyes lit up, and he looked at me affectionately, "The little bastard who was in the way finally stopped, so that the two of me and my wife can There is more to the world.”
Kiss, are you sure? Your son is acting like a rookie, and both parties are hurt! Even my stupid hair is wilted!
The son who came out to eat in seclusion stared at the coffee in front of his father with hatred. He suddenly raised his head and asked me with tears in his eyes: "Mom, curry or coffee, which one do you like?"
"???"
"What about curry and pears?"
"???"
Dear, these species are different!
I was stunned and signaled Dazai with my eyes, but Dazai smiled and said nothing. He looked like he was watching a good show, clearly showing that he was cheating his son. I could only follow my heart: "Mom likes caramel pudding."
Little Curry: " ..." QAQ
Isn’t this even more aggrieved? I look like I’m about to cry!
In the end, it was Dazai Osamu who took action. The elder one and the younger one were discussing something in the room. In this harmonious father-son relationship, is it true that only men understand men?
With the blessing of his father, the son regained his strength, but the other party also had the blessing of his father. In the end, it completely turned into a confrontation between Dazai Osamu and his father. The father became more and more playful, and the child became more and more cheerful. I became more and more humble, watching the battle between the big guys from across the river, hugging each other tremblingly.
In order to show that he was different from Dazai Osamu, the poor child tied a bandage on his right eye. The smell of chuunibyou became stronger. He went out early and came back late every day. He had a fight with Dazai Osamu, but he lost completely.
Finally, the child, whose self-esteem was frustrated, cried and told me to sell my father to a pet store. The mackerel was very popular and he decided to sell it at a low price.
"Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu, Mom, are three hundred yen enough? If not, let's release the mackerel to Uncle Nakaya next door!"
(End of this chapter)
The author said: Selling mackerel at low price, four for one dollar!
When it is safe, dad is the most dangerous, and when it is dangerous, dad is even more dangerous.