Chapter 66: Better to go back (Part 2)
——The points in this medieval European dungeon world have been maxed out, can you go back now?
This sudden good news rumbled in Knight Levi's ears like rolling thunder falling from the sky with a heavy rain, and in the depths of his heart, a turbulent wave suddenly arose.
So, does Knight Levi want to return to the original world?
Do you still need to ask this question? Yes, of course! I really want it too much!
To be exact, he has been waiting for this day for too long! ! !
Although in the original world, Levi was just a poor and unemployed otaku who was looked down upon wherever he went. But in this world in Europe, he is a noble lord with a high status, and now he wears the crown of a paladin. The kings and nobles of all countries must treat him politely, and he is cheered and supported wherever he goes. , thousands of people worshiped him, he could be called a star figure in medieval Europe - it can be said that the gap is huge.
But, in Levi's eyes, so what?
As a traveler who had been an aristocrat in medieval Europe for several years, Levi knew very well how exquisite, elegant and high-quality the so-called "aristocratic life" was touted by literati in those romantic novels and costume movies. From the perspective of modern citizens, It seems that it is actually so ridiculous and simple. It's dull, dull and crude. Apart from the pretentious style, there really isn't anything commendable about it - the rich and powerful people in Europe and America in the modern world may indeed have all kinds of luxuries that can make people go to heaven comfortably. But that doesn't mean their ancestors were like that too.
Think about it, for the lords and nobles of medieval Europe, their quality of life requirements could only reach this level at most:
1. A large manor covering an area of dozens of hectares, with a solid castle and moat;
2. Dozens to hundreds of male and female servants, including attendants and guards;
3. A small carriage inlaid with gold and silver, with a gorgeous family crest carved on it;
4. A few high-end famous horses can participate in hunting activities among nobles without losing their price too much;
5. Gorgeous clothes decorated with lots of lace, silk and gold and silver threads;
6. Occasionally attend salons, dances and ceremonies in high society.
However, as a price for enjoying this kind of life, they have to endure frequent battles as common as eating and clothing. They have to wear heavy armor, hold swords, spears and other sharp weapons, and hide in thick castles every day - most of them Castles are usually not very spacious, and the largest rooms are not With an area of more than 10 square meters, it seems difficult to even turn around after putting on armor and fully armed. When sleeping in it, you have to beware of internal conspiracies. Many nobles have to arrange one or two people in the bedroom even if they go to bed. A loyal slave in order to deal with emergencies such as assassinations or sneak attacks.
Let’s put it this way, the security situation in most areas of Europe in the Middle Ages was probably similar to that of the war zones in Iraq and Afghanistan in the 21st century.
Such a highly stressful wartime life was obviously very uncomfortable. In short, Levi often felt that he was mentally weak.
Similarly, no matter how the poets eulogized the beauty of the countryside, life in the country manor was actually not that pleasant. The serfs all had to work in the manor from dawn to dusk, growing food, grinding flour, making wine, chopping firewood, carrying water, etc. Raising pigs, feeding chickens... Of course, all this hard work has nothing to do with the noble Lord. The problem is that those smelly little things are probably walking around outside the lord's living room.
What is even more difficult to adapt to is that in this era, even ordinary metals are frighteningly expensive. Often in those families that are said to be wealthy, only the head of the family can enjoy those heavy and simple (actually ugly) iron bowls and tin cups. The remaining people can only eat in clay pots and wooden bowls... But no matter which kind of tableware they are, they are still rough and unhygienic in the eyes of modern people. As for those smooth and clean porcelain and glassware, they are luxury items that are more valuable than silverware. In Europe at this time, they are regarded as collectibles rather than daily necessities. Who would be willing to use them randomly?
There are also upper-class salon dances, which are actually just that, similar to how colleagues in modern companies gather to drink together after get off work. There is also a bunch of unappetizing intrigues mixed into each other. Normally, what you eat is just some cured meat, salted fish, sausages and the like. At most, you stew a tender chicken, add more oriental spices such as pepper, and add some new wine, and you can brag proudly for weeks. .
In addition, although the nobles' gorgeous carriages are very eye-catching and are as cumbersomely decorated as modern Indian trucks covered with idols, they have to travel on bumpy dirt roads, with the possibility of breaking down at any time, and the danger of being robbed by numerous bandits. Even if you can get off the carriage "elegantly" at the final destination, you will usually find that your hat is tilted and your bun is scattered, and you may fall to the ground at any time because your hands and feet are numb. Hunting is a very dangerous sport, and countless unlucky nobles have died in hunting - hunting these days does not even have shotguns or metal crossbows, relying on rough iron swords and simple wooden bows. With Li Wei, the modern time traveler, and his ability as a three-legged cat, he would usually be able to hunt some pheasants and rabbits, which would be considered a good harvest. The foxes had never caught up with him. If he encountered a bear or a wolf... I didn’t say anything, just leave as soon as possible. First!
In short, there are no computers, no Internet, no telephones, no gas stoves or electric stoves in this world - considering that most people who time travel have traveled to people who do not need to cook by themselves, this is not very important - there is no heating, There is no air conditioning, no flush toilet, no sewer, no shower, and there are people urinating and urinating everywhere... Such a miserable quality of life cannot be offset by a title of nobility.
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From Li Wei's point of view, the only thing about life in medieval Europe that can surpass modern times is that it is easier to find women - he was watched closely by his time traveler wife Zhao Na before, so Li Wei can still hold on to the bottom line. He is having an affair and is barely a good husband. After Zhao Na, who was pregnant with Liujia, was sent back to give birth, Knight Levi, who couldn't hold back his thoughts, began to look for beauty and linger in the flowers: relying on the dazzling title of "Paladin" and his relatively handsome appearance. , he first hooked up with a bunch of aristocratic ladies and romantic widows, She became the guest of the Queen of Naples again, and from time to time she would find farm girls and city girls to change her tastes...According to some untrue gossip that Wang Qiu heard, this guy even turned into a lolita monster for a time. The squid had an affair with the twelve-year-old Queen of England! ! ! It really makes me want to raise money to buy gasoline and burn this scumbag! !
But according to Comrade Levi's shameless statement, after the initial taboo pleasure, he was actually very disappointed by the real feelings these beauties from Western European countries brought to him - those white women from the upper class of the Middle Ages, although they were jewel-like, blue-eyed and blond. , her skin color is snow-white, and she has a different charm compared to Oriental women. But the problem is that the skin feels quite rough, and there are always many bumps and red spots on it. Even if the sweat and dirt all over the body have been washed away, there will still be a faint smell of foxiness - even the best perfume cannot completely cover it up.
There is no way, in this era, it is difficult for even the most exquisite ladies to take a bath every day, and even the women who take a bath once a week are out of ten. Being able to wash your face, hands and feet frequently, change clothes every few days, and take a bath once a month is already your limit.
Even if the body odor of aristocratic women is like this, the quality of peasant women and village girls is not to mention. Even if they look beautiful from a distance, as long as you get closer, you can find that under their pink and white faces, their necks and backs are The back is actually black! From hair to arms, everything exudes a strong body odor! The terrifying smell was so stinky against the wind and downwind that Li Wei almost had the urge to kick them out of bed!
So, in order to prevent himself from holding his nose and going to bed, Levi had to push the girls into the bathtub to take a bath before rolling the sheets on them. Although the mandarin duck bath was also something to be envied, the problem was that it was repeated again and again. Levi almost couldn't figure out whether he was here to find beauty, have an affair and enjoy the female body, or whether he was here to be a voluntary bather in the women's bathroom... not to mention that the girls who were being scrubbed often didn't appreciate it!
——Although on the eve of the Black Death, large bathhouses and steam rooms had appeared in many European cities, the absurd custom of strictly prohibiting bathing had not yet appeared among modern Europeans in history. Doraemon also did a lot of work to popularize hygiene knowledge during this period, but the traditional concept of "bath bathing = decadent luxury" is still deeply rooted in the hearts of the people (the European bathrooms at that time were actually more similar to Dongguan hair washing House, bathing and whoring are often integrated), which is difficult to shake for a while. The more devout Christians are, the more stubborn they are in refusing to take a bath... Therefore, playboy Levi often encounters women who are willing to take off their clothes and have sex with him, but refuse to jump into the bathtub and take a shower. The shocking thing about bathing.
Of course, there may be some travelers with strong minds who can ignore the feces on the ground, the leaky roof, and the stinky women who don’t like to take baths. They shout, "The strong human touch here is incomparable to the indifferent modern reinforced concrete forest." ", extremely happy and the first female creature willing to get along with him in the lice-covered Rolling on the bed of children and fleas, happily creating the next generation... But unfortunately, Levi, an older otaku, definitely does not belong to this category of strong and brave men. The problems of hygiene and eating alone have given him a headache for a long time. And he has never felt a strong human touch here, only smelling a strong body odor. All in all, since the beginning of time travel, he has almost awakened from his dream of nobility.
Therefore, the unambitious Lord Li Wei is absolutely not opposed to giving up his seemingly prominent status, returning to the mundane daily life of modern urban life, and transforming from a majestic paladin into a plague-headed citizen again. There are no psychological barriers.
——As for the issue of women, he has actually already thought about it. Even in the modern world, is it difficult to find a few ***** to have sex with? As long as you can get money out of your hands, why don't you just let customers choose what kind of Russian golden cat, ocean horse, French bold girl, Japanese high school girl, or South American samba dancer? Those modern Western white girls who have taken baths since childhood and used various skin care products and conditioners are much better than these smelly medieval European women! Anyway, through this search and trouble in medieval Europe, he also bought a small treasury, and at least had a net worth of tens of millions of yuan. Moreover, taking advantage of the outbreak of the great plague, Levi had already been injected with the highest-grade [Super Invincible Universal Vaccine] by Doraemon. What kind of diseases such as AIDS and syphilis would be effective within the twenty-year immunity period? Absolutely nothing to worry about. As for twenty years later... He estimated that his body and bones would be old and decayed long ago, and he would no longer be able to play.
Of course, don’t think about extravagant things like marital loyalty and moral integrity. In the eyes of Levi, who has now fallen into all directions, moral integrity has always been a word that can only appear in heaven, and usually does not appear in real society. exists.
However, Levi Knight also believes that there seem to be some small technical problems that need to be solved before truly bidding farewell to this world.
——Although Li Wei has lagged behind after many years of experience and his moral integrity has declined greatly, he still has some basic sense of family responsibility...
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"...Speaking of which, my wife has been away from this world for some time! How is she doing now? Where is my son?"
Facing the cold late night wind mixed with snowflakes, after lowering his head and pondering for a moment, Levi did not choose to answer directly, but changed the topic and asked.
"...Don't worry, brother Li Wei, everything is fine at the obstetrics and gynecology hospital. After all, it is the advanced technology of the 22nd century. Your son is very healthy and will be one month old in two days. Your wife Zhao Na I plan to wait until the end of my confinement before being discharged... Well, although according to the date here, your son has been born for more than a month, the speed of time passing in the two worlds is different. I thought you should know this... …”
Halfway through, Wang Qiu quickly added, looking at Li Wei's frowning expression, "...the medical expenses paid in advance are enough."
"...Well, of course I know about this, but there is a trouble that still makes me feel very worried."
Li Wei scratched his hair and said with a wry smile, "...Although Zhao Na and I are already an old couple and have even given birth to a son, in modern society in China, we still have not registered our marriage! By then , Can our son get a household registration? "-I have to admit that this is indeed a very real and troublesome problem...