Chapter 451 The most delicious morning court in history! [Requesting monthly tickets]
“Brother Shi, are you planning to assassinate the emperor?”
Shi En grabbed the wine bottle and filled it for Shi Qian, and asked tentatively.
If we really want to assassinate the emperor, then Fengming Restaurant in the capital will have to change its business strategy, and the focus of intelligence work will have to be on the princes.
If you start early, you might be able to plant a few nails around the future new emperor.
Shi Qian waved his hand and said:
“It’s just a matter of putting some laxatives in the tea snacks of the courtiers, and then leaving some clues to point directly at the envoys of the Liao, Xixia and other foreign countries to see what choices the courtiers will make.”< br>
If the Emperor of the Han Dynasty is teased by Fan Bang, regardless of whether it is true or false, he must first destroy Fan Bang.
If the emperor of the Tang Dynasty was teased by Fan Bang, at the palace banquet at the end of the year, everyone would see the leader of Fan Bang taking the initiative to perform dances, and even express his love for dancing and ask to stay in Chang'an to pursue art.
But the emperor of the Song Dynasty was teased... No one could really guess what the reaction would be.
So Shi Qian wanted to give it a try to see if Huizong would show any new limits.
Wait until chaos breaks out in the capital, and then take the opportunity to do something else. The more chaotic Tokyo is, the easier it will be for us to gather information. If possible, Shi Qian even wants to leave some in the tunnel where Huizong secretly met with Master Li. Mo Bao who came here for a visit.
As a travel expert, it’s reasonable to check in at internet celebrity attractions, right?
If you have time, you can also draw some paintings in the tunnel of the Zhao family bullying the orphans and widowers of the Chai family. Although the artistic level is not as high as that of Zhao Ji, the concept of our painting is extraordinary.
Zhao Ji burst into tears after seeing this?
Lehe reminded:
"After all, he is Zhang Sanye's father-in-law, don't go too far."
Zhang Fei is very capable of defeating his father-in-law, in the original work of "The Romance of the Three Kingdoms" , the Xiahou family fought with Ji Han for decades from their father Xia Houyuan, and were eventually killed on the spot by veteran Huang Zhong.
This defeat completely disrupted Cao Cao's plans. He was very disappointed with Xia Houyuan, whom he had always relied on, and even called Xia Houyuan "General Baidi".
After Xiahou Yuan's death, Zhang Fei's wife Xiahou made a special trip to Dingjun Mountain to bury her father and worship her seriously.
Xiahou Yuan's second son, Xia Houba, heard the bad news and worked hard to practice martial arts and the art of war. He vowed to avenge his father and became Jiang Wei's number one enemy for a time.
However, in 249, thirty years after Xiahou Yuan's death, the Sima family launched the Gaopingling coup, transferring Xiahou Xuan, who was in charge of the war in Guanzhong, and replaced him with Guo Huai, who had always been at odds with Xiahou Ba.
Xiahou Ba guessed that the Sima family would eradicate the Cao family's clan power, so he took the initiative to defect to Xishu, where he had fought for half his life.
Liu Chan received him warmly, saying that the battle at Dingjun Mountain thirty years ago was a national war, not a personal feud. He also pointed to his child and said that this is Xiahou's nephew.
From then on, Xiahou Ba returned to Western Shu and was named a general of chariots and cavalry. He was the second-ranking figure in the army after Jiang Wei.
The reason why Liu Chan was given such a high position was, firstly, to show the people in Wei State, and secondly, because Xiahou Ba had real abilities.
As soon as he surrendered to Xishu, he said that the Sima family needed to quell the domestic unrest and could not care about external conquests for the time being. There was only a man named Zhong Hui. Although he was young, if he managed the government, he would be Wu, The worries of the two countries of Shu.
His words were finally verified. Zhong Hui led troops to attack Western Shu, and his general Deng Ai crossed Yinping. Zhuge Liang's son Zhuge Zhan died in the battle, Liu Chan surrendered, and Western Shu was destroyed.
However, Jiang Wei was unwilling to fail. At the expense of the lives of his whole family, he incited Zhong Hui to rebel and almost succeeded in restoring the country.
If someone hadn't found the secret letter of only 23 words from Liu Chan's belongings eighty years later, perhaps Jiang Wei would have only left behind a great success, militarism, and unselfishness in history. A reputation based on one’s ability.
But with that letter, Jiang Wei's image has caught up with his mentor Zhuge Liang.
If Liu Bei, as a descendant of the Liu family, gave the Han Dynasty a decent ending, then Jiang Wei was the one who brought the Han Dynasty to a successful end in Western Shu.
Although that group of romantic idealists have long since disappeared in the long river of history, their legends have been passed down from generation to generation for thousands of years, and their soul-stirring heroic spirit has also been passed down from generation to generation. It has been inherited by the Chinese nation and has never been forgotten.
Shi Jin took the wine bowl and drank it all in one gulp:
"Last time Zhang Sanye said that in the real world without an ID card, you can't take a car, otherwise you should go to Tianshui Jiang Wei's tomb to worship. I have put the final touches on Ji Han, so I should pay my respects.”
Shi En took a piece of dried tofu that had been simmered in stewed soup for several hours and put it into his mouth:
"Master Zhang is Jiang Wei's predecessor, what is a more appropriate memorial to him?"
乐He said with a smile:
"The high-speed rail ticket from Chengdu to Xi'an... Dalang, that word is called high-speed rail, right? It is said that it can run thousands of miles in one hour. It is unimaginable."
Jiang Weijiu The Northern Expedition failed in the end and failed to reach Chang'an.
Now using high-speed rail tickets to worship, Jiang Weiquan knows that he can definitely rest in peace.
Shi Jin asked:
"You said, if we worship other figures from the Three Kingdoms, what should we use as offerings?"
Shi Qian took out a pair from his arms The frequently played Three Kingdoms Solitaire card revealed Da Qiao and Xiao Qiao:
“These sisters are used to worship Emperor Wu of Wei. I heard that Cao Gong was still talking about them before he died. I don’t know if it’s true or not.”
"What about worshiping Sun Quan?"
Shi Qian turned over the playing cards of the Three Kingdoms Kill for a long time and found Zhang Liao:
"Use Zhang Liao, or the high-speed rail ticket to Hefei."
"Aren't you afraid that Sun Zhongmou would crawl out of the grave and strangle you to death on the spot?"
A few people chatted and laughed until midnight, and then began to discuss the list of gifts.
Shi Qian did not participate in their discussion, and quietly slipped out of the restaurant, followed the curfewed Tokyo Street, and came to the Post Office District where Honglu Temple was located, which was later known as the Embassy District.
Wearing night clothes and black gloves, he was as light as a swallow and quickly entered the courtyard where the Xixia envoy lived.
According to the information provided by Zhang San and Li Si, the new envoy from Xixia likes to eat at Fengming Restaurant, and every time he eats, he specially brings his poodle with him.
This dog likes to eat braised chicken heads in the store, and will eat three or four every time.
In order to make the poodle look more noble and to annihilate the Song Dynasty, the envoy specially dyed the dog's hair golden with gold powder.
Shi Qian quietly pushed open a room, took out two braised chicken heads from his arms, and slurped a few times in his mouth. Soon, a well-behaved dog ran over, lowered his head and started eating the chicken. head.
“Damn, you are such a stupid dog!”
Shi Qian raised his hand and stroked the puppy a few times, pulled out a few hairs, and waited until the puppy finished eating , he went to the bedroom again and found some clothes that the Xixia envoy had just taken off today.
Then he said "boo" to the little poodle and left the Xixia Post House.
Shi Qian brought his clothes to the entrance of the palace, quietly went in, and found Huizong's office. He looked around with a small flashlight and found a map hanging on the screen next to it.
There are Xixia, Daliao, and small countries such as Dali in the south.
Basically, it is a map of the current situation of the Song Dynasty. Although the drawing is very crude, each country is marked.
Shi Qian looked around, rubbed some ink for himself, raised his hand and added the word "Shang" in the middle of the name of Xixia Kingdom, still using Xixia characters.
Although there is only one word difference between the Xixia Kingdom and the Xixia Shang Kingdom, if we put aside the Han and Tang dynasties, a war of annihilation would definitely begin.
Then he put on the clothes of the Xixia envoy, first pretending to accidentally drip a few drops of ink, and then pretending to accidentally hang it on a nearby nail.
"It's pricked..."
A small piece of fabric was torn off the clothes.
Leaving the study, Shi Qian visited the place where imperial meals were made and found a dim sum bureau specializing in making dim sum.
There are various pastries and shortbread prepared for the ministers tomorrow morning. There are also more than ten kinds of tea, and the ministers can choose at will.
Shi Qian took out a small spray bottle from his backpack, mixed the powerful laxative with a little water, mixed it well in the spray bottle, and then lightly sprayed it on the cakes.
There are still a few hours left until morning, and the liquid sprayed on the surface of the pastry will completely penetrate into it.
As long as the ministers taste it, there will definitely be problems.
After spraying the medicine, Shi Qian carefully put the collected dog hair into the snack.
This thing is so light that it cannot be placed on the surface of the snacks, as it will be easily seen by others. It must be sandwiched in the middle, so that the ministers can accidentally find the dog hair, and then feel the pleasure of ejaculation.
This may be the most interesting morning dynasty in the history of the Song Dynasty... After Shi Qian finished doing this, he left the palace and sent the clothes to the Xixia Posthouse again and hung them in the envoy's room.
Then he quietly took out the powerful sleeping pill unique to the Water Margin world - Mongolian sweat medicine, mixed it into the water, and fed it to the envoy's mouth.
The dose of medicine is very large, enough to prevent him from waking up while the court investigates the case.
While leaving, the little poodle ran over again and rubbed its head against Shi Qian's trouser legs.
"Good dog, stay here honestly, I will pick you up tomorrow." Shi Qian is not in the habit of raising dogs, but thinking that if this dog stays here tomorrow, it will most likely be killed, he unconsciously I felt compassion.
He planned to wait until the Xixia envoy was found guilty, then quietly pick up the puppy and keep it as a pet.
After leaving the Xixia Post House, Shi Qian found an inn and found an empty room to sleep. When he woke up, it was just dawn and people were sweeping the streets. The courtiers in sedan chairs went straight to the palace. At the gate, prepare to go to court.
Today is a great court meeting that happens every few days. The Xixia Kingdom proposed to increase the annual coins. Huizong decided to convene the courtiers to discuss it and ask everyone for their opinions.
At the entrance of the palace, sedans were parked outside, and the courtiers exchanged greetings with each other.
There are not many court meetings, and many officials take this opportunity to say hello to each other and communicate with officials they know well.
Although whether to increase the annual coins is an issue discussed in the court, in fact, before the formal discussion, officials from Cai Jing and his group have basically agreed on the same tone:
Agree to increase!
The so-called Sui coins are to give Xixia some money every year in exchange for peace.
This strategy was very effective for Daliao. After the two countries signed the Chanyuan Alliance, they ushered in a period of peace that lasted for a hundred years. There was no need to garrison troops at the border and the people did not have to endure the pain of war.
But Xixia, a capricious villain, although he collects New Year coins every year, he can find different reasons to provoke attacks every year.
If you can beat me, I'll take a big bite. If you can't beat me, I'll ask Song Dynasty to stick to the contract.
Of course, with the continuous "efforts" of the courtiers, the number of times the Song Dynasty won became less and less, and even the counter-killing of some of the opponent's scouts was called a great victory.
When the time came, the palace door opened wide, and the courtiers walked in one after another, and came to the room next to the main hall, ready to drink tea and snacks.
The court meeting takes a long time, so even the courtiers who do not eat in the palace in the morning will now pinch two pieces of shortbread and eat a few mouthfuls with hot tea to avoid being too long and unable to wait until the next court meeting. .
There are also courtiers who do not like the snacks provided by the palace and eat what they bring themselves.
For example, Fengming Restaurant’s sesame shortbread, honey squid, glutinous rice sticks and other snacks are the favorites of the courtiers.
After two pieces of cake and a cup of hot tea, my stomach is warm and can last until noon.
When Gao Qiu came in, everyone had already started to dress up and clean the cake residue on their beards.
Since Gao Yanei disappeared, although Gao Qiu claimed to have died of a sudden illness, he still secretly searched for him for a while. After there was no news at all, he adopted a son from his hometown.
Compared to Gao Yanei, who bullied men and women and was lawless, Gao Qiu was very strict with his son. Not only was he strictly forbidden to go out, but he also hired people to teach him various etiquette, for fear of repeating Gao Yanei's old path.
Hearing several courtiers talking about his son being difficult to discipline, Gao Qiu also came over to talk about parenting.
Although everyone was flattering on the surface, they were murmuring in their hearts:
“Our son is a son. Wouldn’t it be more appropriate to call your son brother?”
Adoption hall His younger brother became his son, and he adopted two children in succession. Was Gao Taiwei infatuated with this feeling of usurping the elder?
While they were chatting, Cai Jing, the Grand Master of the day, walked in tremblingly.
When the courtiers saw this, they quickly saluted and said hello. Even Gao Qiu, Yang Jian and Tong Guan also saluted respectfully, which showed the reputation of the traitor.
Cai Jing naturally won't eat the shortbread here, and even only drinks his own tea.
Seeing that everyone was ready, he waved his hand to the Huangmen eunuch, and the sound of going to court began to float in the palace.
Soon, everyone came to the main hall in order. After paying tribute to Huizong Zhao Ji, they began to discuss increasing the Xixia annual coins.
While talking, several people who had eaten shortbread felt their stomachs growling and had an urge to have diarrhea.
But it's okay at the moment and bearable.
But as the issue deepened, the discussion among the courtiers on whether to increase the annual coins became more and more sharp. Even when both sides were arguing against each other, a "pop" sound suddenly came from the main hall.
A strong odor wafted from a fourth-rank minister in the Ministry of Rites.
The surrounding courtiers quickly covered their noses, but it was too late. Several officials whose faces turned the color of pig liver could no longer bear it. The sound of "puff, puff, puff" could not be heard, and the whole court It stinks.
Zhao Ji frowned:
"How could you be so rude!"
"Your Majesty, after I ate the shortcakes in the palace, I suddenly had unbearable abdominal pain..."
No one is stupid to become an important minister of the imperial court. , soon realized that there was something wrong with the shortbread this morning. Cai Jing immediately ordered the people from the Criminal Department to intervene, first imprisoning the people from the Dim Sum Bureau, and then sending out capable officers to investigate the matter.
Half of the courtiers had their pants down, and the morning court meeting could not be held. Zhao Ji waved his hand distractedly:
"No matter who it is, we will investigate thoroughly!"
After saying that, he took the lead to leave the smelly hall and prepared to go to the study to calm down. But as soon as he entered, he saw someone writing and writing.
His favorite white jade brush inlaid with gold thread, which he usually treasured so much, was actually dipped in ink and pressed hard on the table.
The pen tip, which was originally very elastic, is now completely split, and is also fixed by the dried ink.
As a master of calligraphy and painting, Zhao Ji knew very well that his favorite brush was useless!
Before coming, Shi Qian specifically asked Wen Huanzhang for advice on how to anger a master of calligraphy and painting.
Wen Huanzhang didn't know that this guy wanted to irritate Zhao Ji, so he specially taught him a damaging move, using the most rude way to treat the brush. This kind of degrading and gentle way was something that even a master of calligraphy and painting couldn't stand.
Now that Shi Qian had really done it, Zhao Ji was not only deeply stimulated, but even almost went crazy.
Soon, Cai Jing was called in. Lao Cai, who was also a master of calligraphy, was also very excited when he saw the appearance of the brush.
Usually, if the pen in the study is not washed in time after use, he will get angry, but now not only has it not been washed, but it has also been destroyed. No cultural person can stand it!
"Your Majesty, calm down, I will ask someone to investigate immediately!"
Just as he was talking, there was a result from the Dim Sum Bureau, and a master from the Criminal Department walked in holding a few dog hairs: "Your Majesty, the person who poisoned the poison left a clue."< br>
Taiwei Su Yuanjing, who came to join in the fun, took a look:
“The dog’s hair is dyed with gold powder...Isn’t this the dog raised by the Xixia envoy?”
Is this the dog? Did the Xixia envoy do it?
Several people subconsciously turned their faces and looked at the map of Xixia on the screen, and then saw that the name of Xixia Kingdom had been changed to Xixia Shangguo.
Zhao Ji was furious:
"Let the Xixia envoy get out of the palace!"
The crime-solving experts sent by the Ministry of Punishment surveyed around and found another person who had been torn off by nails. The fabric, after being identified by Su Yuanjing and others, was the same color as the clothes worn by the Xixia envoy yesterday, and there was no difference in pattern.
At this time, Zhao Ji did not let the Xixia envoy come in, but asked people to go to the Xixia Posthouse to capture him.
Just when everyone thought that His Majesty was going to take action, Cai Jing advised:
"Your Majesty, pay attention to the dragon body. Although all the evidence points to the Xixia envoy, investigation and trial are still needed. I, the Song Dynasty, are the superior state. You must be tolerant of everything..."
Two days ago, he accepted the benefits sent by the Xixia people and agreed to the Xixia envoy's request for an increase in annual coins.
Now that the situation has been laid, unexpectedly something like this has happened.
Zhao Ji waved his hand:
"Arrest the person first and then talk about it!"
Da Honglu, who was in charge of diplomacy, brought several important officials from the Ministry of Punishment and Yushitai to the Xixia Posthouse aggressively. When he learned that the Xixia envoy had not gotten up yet, he became even more determined. the possibility of him committing a crime.
I must have committed the crime secretly last night and stayed up all night, which is why I haven’t gotten up yet today.
Everyone broke into the room and found that he was sleeping soundly.
A few people from the Criminal Department took a look at the clothes. There were holes on them from nails and a drop of ink. When they got closer, they could smell the smell of tribute ink...it was the ink from the Imperial Study Room.
Now that the evidence is solid, several people from the Criminal Department took out the shackles and prepared to arrest the person.
The imperial court has made such a big mistake. If he is not arrested and sentenced severely, the people will not be angry.
However, just when everyone was about to take action, Cai Jing had someone send a message:
“The envoy represents the face of a country and must express sufficient respect at all times. We are the Celestial Empire. You should be generous to your country.”
The visitor continued:
"This case is of great importance. The Grand Master has given the Privy Council full authority to take over. I also ask all my colleagues to cooperate."
At the same time, in the Privy Council.
With a warm smile on his face, the privy deputy envoy said sincerely to a burly officer with "a face like the bottom of a pot, nostrils turned upward, curly hair and a red beard, and a muscular figure of eight feet":
" Xuan Zan, this case is your opportunity. Once you seize it, the Prime Minister will definitely treat you differently."
(End of Chapter)