Chapter 70 Gaslighting
Girl: "You are perfunctory with me!"
? ? ?
"Can you seriously talk to me? I really hope you can give me some advice."
At this moment, the girl suddenly became very candid again.
Lin Feng was stunned for a moment.
Then he said: "Are you sure you want to listen?"
"OK!"
That’s great!
Lin Feng put away his joking expression and said seriously: "Sister, your first problem in this relationship is your character flaw. You are too extreme.
I think it has something to do with your family of origin.
Then when it comes to material contributions, there seems to be a principle missing in your consciousness, that is, feelings are two-way, and you cannot ask another person to keep paying for you.
Not even if you are a girl.
Love is mutual, not your oppression of another person.
Do you know what I felt the most after listening to the entire description just now?
It’s just that you are sick! ! ”
After Lin Feng finished speaking, the girl burst into tears.
"Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu I don't know what's wrong with me. When I was young, my dad always beat my mom. I thought at that time that my future family would never be like this.
But I don’t know why, when I get angry I can’t help but want to hit someone. I don’t want to do this, I really don’t want to do this! ”
………
On the barrage.
Xiaowan: "I don't know why, I really want to cry."
Yaoyao: "Me too."
Xu Xiansen: "I saw a saying before, the more you hate that person, the more you will become that person."
Stranger: "The scariest thing about growing up is that one day you suddenly realize that you have the same shortcomings as your parents."
Gouzi: "Yes, at one moment I found that I looked like him, and the first feeling I had was fear."
Xiao Hu: "It's exactly the same. I never want to be like my mother in my whole life, but when I fall in love, I feel exactly like my mother."
Hiro: "I never want to be my father."
MR Lin: "It is inevitable that I am very much like him."
The river flows: "My father walked in front, and I followed behind. I stepped on her shadow, following her step by step, as if continuing a certain destiny, the same hardship, incompleteness, weakness, the same shame of my own darkness, the same humble hope. Disappointed.”
well!
………
The girl's helplessness actually resonated with many water friends.
Lin Feng shook his head helplessly.
Copying your parents' behavior is the brain's subconscious way of protecting yourself.
Not only that, the brain will also create a strengthened memory of the response patterns in the scene,
So when we encounter similar scenes later, our subconscious mind will directly copy the coping mode at that time.
For example, when you feel the hurt caused by your parents' cold war as a child, your brain will deeply record the scene at that time and the solution to the conflict between lovers - the cold war, and store it in your subconscious mind.
Later, when conflicts arise between you and your partner, your subconscious mind will directly use the "cold war" coping mode to replicate your parents' behavior.
But when we replicate our parents’ behaviors, our children continue to get hurt.
As a result, the harm caused by the original family is passed down from generation to generation.
Very helpless.
The more I try to fight, the deeper I sink.
Lin Feng had no better way to deal with this.
In the end, the young lady left sadly.
"@strategist, why do I feel that boy has a bigger problem?"
Lin Feng knocked on the blackboard.
Write down five words.
‘Gaslighting’
? ? ?
A question mark instantly appeared on the barrage.
Lin Feng, "I will give you a few examples from life, and you will be able to get its connotation immediately."
For example, someone says to you, ‘Why are you so incapable of taking jokes? ’ ‘Why are you always angry? ’ ‘Who would like you but me? ’ ‘You are so pretentious! ’
How about it?
Have you ever felt a ball of arrogance stirring in your heart?
………
On the barrage.
Damn it!
My anger came up in just a moment.
"Look, you're in a hurry!" I said.
The fire got bigger.
Then he will look at you calmly and say: "Why are you so impatient."
The sense of immersion is too strong,
I'm going to explode.
Whoever talks to me like that, I'll put his head in a glass.
What if that is your mother?
Well. . . .
………
Raymond Lam: “The gaslighting effect is when the other person repeatedly touches your bottom line using seemingly ordinary topics,
When you can't bear it anymore,
He slapped you down and accused you of having a bad temper,
People who don’t know the truth will only see you going crazy, and they will become the victim instead,
So every time we quarrel, the other party is actually creating conflicts and secretly changing concepts.
And you will be led by his nose without even realizing it.
Remember,
Emotionally stable people are great.
But what makes you irritable will definitely make you suffer a lot. ”
………
On the barrage.
The river flows: "Gently ignite you, and then calmly let others come to watch your explosion, and then he has a good temper and a good character, and you are an emotionally unstable lunatic."
Isn’t this talking about my mother?
Alas, my girlfriend is like this too, and I thought I was really a lunatic.
+1
+1
People with a quick temper will always fall prey
Those who bully are morally stupid and weak-minded people.
How can this be broken?
The best option is to leave!
………
Lin Feng knocked on the small blackboard: "Let's go back to the emotional issue just now. Girls are 20 years old and boys are 30 years old. This is a typical emotional suppression of a person in a high position on a person in a low position.
It is a dimensionality reduction strike.
Although listening to the whole story, it seems that the girl has been beating the boy, and the boy has been very cultivated and endured it silently.
But he looks weak.
In fact, it occupies absolute dominance in the relationship.
Because he used the life experience and emotional intelligence of a 30-year-old to emotionally deceive a little girl who was unworldly.
He knows very well what a 20-year-old girl needs.
So at the beginning, he concealed his age, lied about having a house, and recharged game cards for the other party to make the girl happy.
This is a kind of painting and dreaming.
So after two months of online dating, the girl couldn't wait to fly to his city to meet him.
Because she longs for it.
After Ben showed up, the man's parents and relatives cooperated with him very tacitly and continued to hide the truth.
Here, I would venture to guess that this is not the first time that this 30-year-old man has lured a little girl home.
And he did this all to put girls in sleeping clothes,
After sleeping clothes, the truth is revealed.
The man began to pretend to be deaf and dumb, trying to use silence to fend off the girl's doubts.
In the process, I even used the words "Why are you always angry?" "Can you speak properly?" "I didn't ask you to fly to find me." "You did it of your own free will"
and a series of gaslighting verbal attacks.
Girls have character flaws and tend to be quick-tempered.
So I couldn't help but take action.
Let’s talk about girls again.
Most of you may have been misled by her first words. For example, why didn't the boy give me money? It was obviously him who agreed.
In fact, she had no scheming at all.
Because no one with a little bit of scheming would say something very detrimental to themselves right away.
She is young, but not stupid.
Doesn't she know that asking another person for money is a disgraceful thing?
So the truth of the matter is that she was manipulated by the man.
Her entire mind was now in a state of chaos, filled with anger, unwillingness, grievance, confusion, and self-doubt.
That's why she shows a state of restlessness, and sometimes she may not even know what she is talking about.
As Lin Feng finished his words,
Scenes of interactions between boys and girls appeared in front of everyone's eyes involuntarily.
From the period of online dating when they cared about each other, to the short-term sweetness after the love affair, to the boys' showboating and cold violence, and the girls' collapse and hysteria. . . .
(End of chapter)