Chapter 112: What if future archaeologists were to discover us
"In old age, do you know what day is the happiest day for everyone?" Qi Long asked.
Dong Qiang shook his head: "I don't know, tell me!"
"It's snowing, that's not snow, it's flour!"
"Oh, snow is flour?"
"That's not wrong. Do you think that people in the north love to eat pasta? There are so many different ways to make pasta, but there are very few in the south? It's because there is less snow in the south and more snow in the north. In one winter, everyone's home We all saved a lot of noodles and had to find ways to eat them, so we made so much noodles!”
Dong Qiang watched the fun: "Oh, it turns out that this is why northerners love to eat noodles!"
"Yes, and there are different noodles in different places. For example, if you go down to a high beam, it will be sorghum noodles."
"Hey, is it so awesome? Then there are buckwheat noodles when you go down to the bridge?"
"Go down to the coal shop, and that's the black face!"
"Then when you go down to the yellow land, you will see the yellow face!"
"Go down to the wood-cutting yard, and that's Bangzi Noodles, because the wood-chopping sticks are there!"
"Then those who sell ink are black-faced, because those who are close to ink are black!"
Qi Long and Dong Qiang each said something very fast. As soon as one person finished speaking, the other person came out on the street, and the state was very different. Qi Long was speaking seriously, while Dong Qiang was pretending to be confused and yelling after him. of.
The audience was surprised to see it. They had seen this kind of work before, but they didn't expect to deal with this burden in this way.
Those who haven’t watched it will be even more curious about their next sentence and how they came about each type of interview.
Qi Long pointed to his surroundings: "Go down to the cross talk stage, and beyond the table, this is the territory of Douchi, and it becomes a bean noodle!"
"Then if you go down to the table, this is the territory of Peng Ke." After finishing speaking, Dong Qiang was stunned: "What kind of noodles are under the table?"
"Zamian, there's a bastard standing inside!"
Qi Long was pushed by Dong Qiang and didn't care when he came back: "I'm just kidding, if you fall into the realm of admired actors, you will be eaten by the admired actors!"
"have eaten?"
"Or are all the actors you admired so much in the past all fat? They just eat noodles, and you can't catch up with the sky!"
"Oh, that's what happened!"
Continuing to say that in the old days, meat was also sold cheaply, with three copper coins for a cow, and two copper coins for a sheep. Pigs were the cheapest, with one copper coin for a pig!
Moreover, pork weighs more than sixty kilograms per copper coin per pig, and below sixty kilograms, even if it weighs fifty-nine kilograms, they are just piglets. One copper plate can be exchanged for ninety-seven pigs!
Dong Qiang followed Qi Long’s advice above, causing Qi Long’s statements to become more and more outrageous.
"Tofu is free and no one eats it. When someone passes by the tofu shop, the shopkeeper nods and bows. He comes over and says respectfully: Uncle, I will give you two pieces of tofu for free."
"Do you still have to call me uncle?"
"The passers-by were impatient. They ate it last time, but this time they asked me to eat it, but they refused! (Turns to the direction and bends down like the shopkeeper) Come on, have a piece. Bang!"
"What's wrong?"
"The shopkeeper was slapped in the face. He covered his face and cried in grievance."
Dong Qiang finally couldn't bear it anymore and said to the audience: "This grandson is talking nonsense!"
"What did you say?" Qi Long asked.
"What you are saying is nonsense!"
"There is a side, and the side is free. You have to go early, otherwise you will have to eat the soft tofu!"
"I said what you said was irrelevant, not tofu!"
"What is the edge in words? Tell me, what is the edge in words, what is the corner, what is the edge?"
"What I mean is that your words are mysterious and reliable. They come out of your mouth and into people's ears. You can't just kick in the sky and on the ground and say whatever you want!"
Dong Qiang taught him a serious lesson, but Qi Long refused to accept it: "Why is it so cloudy and foggy?"
"The shopkeeper isn't crazy (no), he's not stupid (no), he's not seeking wealth to spread wealth (no), he's not crazy, he's not stupid, he's not spreading wealth, so why should he give others food for free and still get slapped in the mouth? He doesn't know how Don’t you want to make tofu for free? Are you ruining yourself?”
Listening to Dong Qiang's righteous words, Qi Long nodded: "That's right, the shopkeeper is not sick or crazy, why are you eating tofu for free? You must speak reliably, and it will come out of your mouth and into other people's ears. You can't A kick in the sky and a kick on the ground. What do you want to say? Or if no one wants to hear what you say, I won’t listen to you anymore. Let’s go!”
Qi Long turned around and walked off the stage. Dong Qiang immediately went over and pulled him back: "Kick him down, what did I say? You said so!"
"What did I say?"
"No, it's being recorded under the stage. There are audio and video recordings. You can't deny it. Just tell me, why do you give so much away for free!"
At this point, the cross talk has changed from one person watching the other person talking nonsense and occasionally following him to say a few words, and it has turned into a lie. Qi Long has to find a way to justify it!
He was in a state of deep thought when he took out "The Mandarin Jacket": "By the way, isn't the tofu white? So it's free!"
After saying that, Qi Long wanted to step down again. Last time he took two steps, but before he could turn around this time, Dong Qiang pulled him back.
"What's white must be given to others for free? What about Yu Qian giving it to others for free?" Dong Qiang asked.
Qi Long smiled and nodded: "It's not impossible!"
The audience laughed wildly, Qian Gebai!
Dong Qiang's next sentence left Qi Long speechless: "I am using my senior brother for this burden. If you still stick with me, Qi Long, my next sentence will be about the eldest niece of the Drum Club!"
The audience looked at the dumbfounded Qi Long, some were laughing, and some were booing.
"I should have known I would find a black spot." Qi Long sighed, which caused laughter: "What are you asking me?"
"I'm just asking you, why do people eat tofu for free? He won't stop making it if no one eats it. Why do you treat people as their grandsons and call them uncle?"
"Why is it free for others to eat? Why? Hey, this shopkeeper is not actually the shopkeeper. The money he made belongs to the boss. It has nothing to do with him, so he just gave away the tofu for free, old old Chicken McNugget Man!"
"McNugget Chicken Man?" Dong Qiang was confused.
Qi Long said proudly: "You don't know, right? There used to be a young man who worked. Whenever he ordered Chicken McNuggets, he would give someone two extra chicken nuggets. From then on, when you order takeout from that burger shop, you only need to Note: If you are a Chicken McNugget man, I will give you a pack of Chicken McNuggets for free!”
"There's such a good thing!" "If you don't believe it, just try it. Anyway, I ordered it a few days ago, and it is indeed there. Let me tell you."
"You come back first, I almost fooled you!" Dong Qiang grabbed Qi Long: "Don't change the subject. The shopkeeper is giving away tofu for free, but the boss won't check the accounts?"
"The shopkeeper said he is not the shopkeeper, but in fact he is the shopkeeper. You said he is the shopkeeper, but in fact he is not really the shopkeeper. That is to say, he told the guys not to call me shopkeeper. Guys, look at the shopkeeper. Although he said that he was not called the shopkeeper, he distributed money to everyone, so the guys called him the shopkeeper. The shopkeeper is still the shopkeeper, but he is not the shopkeeper."
Dong Qiang: "What a mess, let me ask you, why are you giving away tofu for free? He doesn't have to make it if no one eats it!"
"He has to do it!"
"Why?"
"It's a long story!" Qi Long sighed.
"Speak slowly, let's save up, we have a lot of time!" Dong Qiang looked like he was wasting his life here, and he had to explain it all.
Qi Long sighed: "In old age, when it was hot, it was really hot, and when it was cold, it was really cold."
"Tell me from the beginning? Just talk about tofu!"
"Well, things were cheap back then."
"Nonsense, three copper coins for a cow, two copper coins for a sheep, one copper coin for a pig, sixty jins and up, sixty jins of piglets, ninety-seven piglets for one copper coin!" Dong Qiang said in order to urge him. He spoke quickly, repeating everything he had said.
At this point, Qi Long's eyes lit up: "Yes, there are pigs too!"
"Um?"
"He has to feed the pigs to eat tofu dregs. The tofu dregs can't fall from the sky and don't grow on the ground. How did it come about?"
Dong Qiang replied: "He's here to make tofu!"
Qi Long slapped the table: "Isn't this going to end? He feeds the leftover tofu residue from making tofu to the piglets he bought. After ripening, he can sell it and make money. The tofu is just made, and it is given away if it has no use. Are you human?"
The more he talked, the more excited he became, and the audience applauded him because he "came out of his panic." Well, it sounds reasonable at first glance!
Dong Qiang remained skeptical: "No, then why don't you feed the tofu together?"
"Is tofu too watery? Tofu is too solid. If you eat tofu, you will gain less meat, but if you eat bean dregs, you will gain more meat!"
"Then just eat the beans!"
"Pigs can't chew beans. They have no teeth. Pigs in old age have no teeth. They just grew out recently!" Qi Long choked, looking at the audience proudly while Dong Qiang was thinking.
That expression seems to be saying, I have the final say in all the settings of the old age. Why are you so stubborn with me?
Dong Qiang asked: "Then I crush the beans and crush them. I can save a lot of raw materials!"
"Old pigs don't eat raw food!" Qi Long made up his mind. Whatever you say, I'll say it's nothing!
“Can’t it be enough if I cook the broken beans for him over a fire?”
"No, the old man has no fire!" Qi Long shouted loudly.
Dong Qiang looked at him: "Huh?"
Qi Long slapped his head: "It's broken, I'm an asshole, how can I make tofu without fire?"
"Admit it's nonsense?" Dong Qiang pointed at Qi Long and faced the audience.
The two brothers took a step back and bowed. At this point, this cross talk ended.
When they came off the stage, the two who had saved the bottom were automatically invited back to the stage for an encore performance by the host. Qi Long said into the microphone: "It was a traditional program just now called "Old Age"!"
"right!"
"In fact, it is an art of satire, satirizing people who talk nonsense and people who always say that the past was better than now. You have never really seen what happened in the past. Didn't they say it on the Internet? Really? If I ask you to travel through time, 80% of the time you won’t be able to survive!”
"That's right!"
"For example, tens of thousands of years from now, when we are all the same people as before, archaeologists will dig out dozens of large palaces in the Northeast, and they won't know they are bathing centers. I'm afraid It can be considered a temple!”
"Can you still think this is a temple?"
"Of course, future archaeologists will discover that human sacrifices are still being used in our era, and they will carry shackles with sacrifice numbers!"
Dong Qiang explained: "Is it the hand card for taking a bath?"
"Archaeologists think they were shackles. They put the shackles on and soaked them in a pool to clean the sacrifices. Some even had to steam them with very high-temperature gas. Then they lay on the sacrifice table and used cruel friction. Using a very powerful torture instrument, start spreading some oil and salt on the back of the sacrifice to get out the surface of the skin!"
Dong Qiang: "If you put it that way, taking a bath is quite scary!"
"And there is a recording that found that in the bathhouse, best friends often praise each other's spouses when chatting with each other. Various complimentary words such as ordinary men, steel straight men, crotch men, mama's men, etc. are used!"
"Wait a minute, Teacher Qi, is this a compliment? Pu Xinnan?"
"Future archaeologists believe that Puxinnan means the most trustworthy man in the world!"
"Straight man of steel?"
"A man with an iron will to move forward bravely!"
"The man below?"
"The clearest man in the afternoon!"
"What about the morning?"
"Future archaeologists will find that many people in this era slept until noon and didn't wake up until noon during holidays!"
"Oh, that makes sense. What about Mommy's boy?"
Qi Long looked like he was going crazy and suddenly shouted: "Oh my god, treasure boy!"
"Fuck you!"
After shaking off a few baggage in the reverse scene, it’s over!
(End of chapter)