Chapter 152 "The Five Flavors"
Qi Long said that if he wanted to write martial arts novels, he would first introduce his pen name to Gao Dongqiang.
"I heard before that someone dreamed of a phoenix landing on a parasol tree and named himself Feng Wu. Someone dreamed of a dragon landing on a rock and named himself Long Reef. I had a similar dream!"
"What were you dreaming about?"
"I dreamed that a very colorful and beautiful chicken landed on the plantains, so I was going to cry... Ouch!"
Before Qi Long finished speaking, he was pushed away by Dong Qiang who suddenly reacted. After a second of confusion, the audience burst into laughter.
"It's being recorded!" Dong Qiang shouted.
Qi Long: "Why are you pushing me? I think it's not good to have a pen name for this dream, so I called it Qi Long!"
"You scare me to death, tell me about your novel!"
Qi Long returned to his microphone: "My novel is called "Bitter, Spicy, Sour, Sweet and Salty"!"
“The recipes are not so straightforward.”
"It has all five flavors, which means I want to write about all the flavors of life in the novel!"
"Oh, it's deep. What's the content?"
"The content starts from the title page, which tells about my experience of collecting styles everywhere. Look, I write martial arts novels, and I need to understand martial arts people. I will read books and learn about other people's martial arts worlds first!"
"What about?"
"For example, there is a world where fighting spirit prevails. That world is very magical. Fighting spirit can transform into horses. People ride the horse 'Guo De Gang Guo De Gang'. Don't bully young people into poverty!"
"What you are talking about is fantasy, not martial arts, and the fighting spirit in the book does not turn into a horse!"
Qi Long waved his hand: "The book is fantasy. Will it be made into a TV series or martial arts? There is also the particularly popular "Zhenhun Street". There is a character named Yu Qian in it, which is very touching."
"My senior brother?"
Qi Long made a fool of himself and continued: "Maybe he has the same name. Then Yu Qian knelt down on one knee and said to his lord: I will die in Qian, and I am willing to smoke, drink and perm my hair for the Guo family for generations!"
"That's the same person. He's not going to be imprisoned at the end of his life, but he's willing to go through fire and water for the Cao family for generations! And that's a fantasy comic, not a martial arts novel. Your knowledge is all mixed up!"
Qi Long used his fan as a pen: "Anyway, writing it down shows that I am knowledgeable."
"If you write like this, people will read the title page and stop reading. You have no martial arts foundation at all. It's all nonsense. I can't publish your book!"
"Hey, don't, don't, don't, then I won't write. I'll just write about my real experience of visiting the martial arts family's head office, right?"
Gao Dongqiang, who was initially uninterested, turned his head and said, "Have you ever visited a martial arts family?"
"That's not the case."
"Whose family?"
Qi Long stopped talking and turned to look at Gao Dongqiang. Gao Dongqiang looked behind him and pointed at himself. Qi Long nodded silently.
"When did our family become a martial arts family? Why didn't I know?"
"Your father never told you!"
Qi Long started to make up nonsense, saying that he went to their house when he wanted to write a martial arts novel, because his father was well-connected and might know the martial arts family, and he wanted to get in touch with the martial arts family through his godfather to understand the martial arts back then, so that he could create his own martial arts novels.
As a result, happiness came too suddenly. Gao Dongqiang's father told Qi Long that his family was a martial arts family, but Dongqiang was not allowed to practice martial arts because he violated the law with martial arts.
"Do you know why your muscles are so big after only a few years of fitness?"
"Why?"
"You have genes, you have the genes of that hero!"
"Ah? Why is our family so powerful?"
"No, your father Gao Xiqiang told me so."
"Wait a minute, my name is Gao Dongqiang, and my father's name is Gao Xiqiang? Are these brothers or father and son?"
"You are father and son like brothers. Your father Gao Xiqiang told me that your grandfather Gao Nanqiang is a knight."
Gao Dongqiang said casually: "Yes, my grandfather and I have become brothers!"
"Here comes your great-grandfather."
"Gao Beiqiang?"
"No, Gao Beiqiang is your Grandpa Xuan. Your Grandpa Xuan was assassinated by Jianghu knights that year. Before he died, he hugged your great-grandfather, also known as Gao Beiqiang, and told him to practice martial arts well and avenge himself! Your great-grandfather was also very powerful. Later, Became the leader of a famous martial arts sect!”
"What sect?"
"The Sword Competition School, your grandfather's strong old man from high school is particularly good at playing mean tricks. He is the best bitch in the world. What a great deal!"
"Your great-grandfather is a bitch. Do you have this sect? Who is the bitch among you?"
Qi Long explained to him: "It's not that you heard wrong. I'm talking about the sword of the sword, and the pen is the pen of the brush. The full name of their sect is the pen-holding sword sect, or the pen-and-sword sect for short."
Gao Dongqiang suddenly realized: "Oh, is it such a pen sword?"
"Yes, in this sect, Wen Neng can bring peace to the world with his pen, and Wu can travel to the ends of the world with his sword. Your great grandfather's swordsmanship is the best in the world. His writing skills are also very good, so his nickname is: The best swordsman in the world. , Awesome stroke! With him, the pen sword is unmatched. "
"Can you call me by your full name? The pen-wielding and sword-wielding sect is unrivaled? Don't shorten it!"
"Your great-grandfather thought the same way at the time. Wherever he went, he said that I was inferior and invincible, which didn't sound good. So after your great-grandfather defeated the masters of various sects at the top of Huashan Mountain, he announced in a high-profile manner that he would not control us in the future. The pen-wielding and sword-holding sect is called the pen-sword sect. Our abbreviation has been changed. What about two other words?”
"Replaced with what?"
"Those who hold the pen and hold the sword, we are called the Zhizhang faction!"
"Retarded? It's worse than the one just now!"
The whole audience burst into laughter. This was foreshadowed just now, but the baggage was hidden so deep that no one could see through it at a glance. Everyone thought that the pen sword was meant to explain the pen sword. Unexpectedly, there was also a layer of baggage hidden inside. Now throw it away. Come out and amuse them.
The burden is actually here?
"Your great-grandfather is the number one warrior, and you are the descendant of the warrior!"
After that, Qi Long talked about Dong Qiang's grandfather again, and of course he was talking about the baggage he had mentioned in "Extreme FHM" before, such as being able to take out concealed weapons even without clothes. Some baggage may not be broadcast on TV stations. Go out, but you can say it on the cross talk stage. After hurriedly telling the story of his great-grandfather and grandfather, Qi Long said that he had accumulated enough material and started to talk about the main text of the novel.
Qi Long said slowly in a storytelling style: "At eight-thirty in the morning on the 26th day of the fourth lunar month in the 36th year of Qianlong's reign."
"You still have some time this day, and it's half past eight?"
"This is for the sake of authenticity in the novel. The famous Mr. Kafka once said that the more fictional the story, the more real it must be in the details!" Qi Long changed to a chatting tone and explained to him: "You tell me, I want It’s true that there was no such specific time as this morning a long time ago!”
"Oh, rigorous, you continue!"
"By the way, the Five Flavor Heroes are walking down the street!"
Dong Qiang stretched out his palm and showed five fingers: "Oh, there are five heroes!"
"Did I say five? Just one!"
"Didn't you mean the five heroes?"
"Five Flavor Heroes, Flavor of Flavor, do you still remember the title of my book?" Qi Long asked.
"Bitter, spicy, sour, sweet and salty?" Dong Qiang answered doubtfully.
"Yes!"
"Such a five-flavor hero?"
"Yes, this is the protagonist of my book!"
"What does it look like?"
"I just saw him: two feet tall, three pavilions wide in shoulders, a big mouth, big eyes, a neck like a racing axle, and a head like a ping pong ball."
"Teacher Qi, Teacher Qi, please wait a minute. This head is like a ping-pong ball. Why is it so bloody?" Dong Qiang gestured at the size of the ping-pong ball.
Qi Long said "Yeah": "Don't worry about the details!"
"Hey, Kafka once said that the more fictional the story, the more real it must be in the details!"
He used his own words to poke himself. Qi Long had no choice but to make it up now. Let's talk about this hero. In order to practice martial arts and practice the five-flavor magic skill, Qi Long must open his mouth and put five flavors of food into his mouth at the same time. Enter, but his table tennis mouth can’t open that wide, what should I do?
He pulled his mouth, pulling his upper lip with one hand, and his lower lip with the other hand, and pulled it up for seven or forty-nine days, until blood spurted out from his mouth.
"Every time a hero speaks, he must really say it, for example, if he wants to laugh, hahahahaha (Qi Long lifts one hand up and reaches down with the other hand, making an exaggerated mouth opening movement)"
This phase-making skill makes people laugh out loud.
With that said, Qi Long began to introduce the content, saying that the first twenty chapters in this book are the process of learning martial arts by Wuwei heroes, learning from various masters, such as Lao Fangu, Lao Yinji, King Pinnuo, Chef An, etc. Wait, wait, in short, I talked about a lot of food bloggers.
"Still a cook?"
"Practice your own unique secret in the kitchen, the Five Flavors Enhancing Heart Palm!"
The middle forty chapters are about the process of Wuwei Daxia's various heroic acts and helping many people in need. For example, there is a woman who has never been liked by a man. When Wuwei Daxia hits him with a hot slap, the girl becomes a hot girl. Singing "hot girl, hot girl" found the other half who loves each other.
"Such a help?"
"There are also some stories that are very deep. For example, after the hero Wuwei saved a child, the child asked the hero if he could slap me with your bitter palm?"
"Why do you need to be beaten?"
"The Five Flavors Heroes are also weird. The child said, family members say that only by eating the most bitter things can one become a master. I want to eat your bitter palm and become a master! (Change to the Five Flavors Heroes and pull his lips) My child, you are wrong. You can eat whatever you want to make up for it, you can’t become a master by enduring hardship, you can only succeed by eating talents!”
"Huh?" Dong Qiang exclaimed: "Oh, your sentence is a bit profound, isn't it?"
"Hey, look at it. Didn't I say that my novel was written in vain? The next sixty chapters are about a battle of wits and courage with the four major villains in the book!"
"Oh, a villain called the Four?"
"The four villains, of course the four villains, do you have any knowledge?"
"Hey, I thought it was the same as Wuwei Daxia. Who are the four villains?"
"There are electric demons, magnetic demons, light demons, and sound demons!"
"Electromagnetic light and sound? Do you still have modern science here?"
"There was no electromagnetic light and sound in ancient times? Is lightning electric? Does a magnet have magnetism? There is also light and sound. Why is it modern science? It's all ancient!"
The four big demons are very hateful. If they join forces and stamp their feet, the earth will crack. Wuwei Daxia can't let them succeed, so he starts a battle with them.
The last chapter in the book is "The Five Flavors Fight the Four Demons, and the Bingfeng Peak Determines the World with One Palm".
"The two sides met on the 9,000-meter-high Mount Everest, and set up plum blossom stakes on the peak to start the battle."
"Just wait a moment. Mount Everest is 8,848 meters tall. How can it be only 9,000 meters high?"
"There are also plum blossom piles. The plum blossom pile is 162 meters long. Does 162 plus 8848 make nine thousand?"
"That's nine thousand and ten, and you're not good at math either!"
"If I am good at mathematics, how can my four demons be good at mathematics, physics and chemistry?"
"Oh, I hate math, so I created such a monster. You can continue!"
This is the display of martial arts in storytelling. If you stand to the left and hold your lips and talk, you will be the hero of the five flavors. If you stand to the right and pinch your orchid fingers, you will be one of the four demons. They will introduce each other's weapons and shout at each other.
Of course, it's not exactly storytelling. After all, it's a cross talk, and there are still funny parts.
The weapon of the electric demon: a flashlight that shines brightly, shines brightly, and shines brightly.
"Just a flashlight?"
Qi Long took the fan in his hand and said seriously: "This flashlight is different. There is a button on it. You only need to press it lightly!"
"What's going on?" Dong Qiang asked expectantly.
"It's on!"
"Nonsense, the flashlight will be on!" Dongqiang turned from expectation to helplessness, as if saying with his face, what am I expecting?
(End of this chapter)