Chapter 61: Total Collapse of the Middle Ages (Part 2)
Except for the top-notch "Starry Sky Pie" stuffed with whole lobster and crab stuffing (it feels more like throwing live crabs and live lobsters into flour, rolling them, and then baking them directly in the oven), other dishes It also made Wang Qiu, a Chinese who pays attention to food and drink, his brows jump.
Since it was now the twelfth lunar month of winter when all things were dying, with the technical conditions of food preservation in the Middle Ages, except for a small amount of onions, there were basically no fruits and vegetables available. Moreover, the British aristocrats in the Middle Ages generally believed that vegetables were inferior food eaten by the untouchables (they relied on eating fruits to supplement vitamins), and they could not use them at banquets, so the table was almost exclusively filled with fish and meat feasts - many hot grilled sausages. It was served on a wooden plate. It looked thick, oily, and slightly burnt, but it still made people feel very appetizing.
But the problem is, Wang Qiu cut it open with his own knife and found that the sausage was not filled with minced meat and fat, but with pig blood: the official name of this thing is "blood sausage." If you take a bite, blood will immediately splash out. The scene is very horrifying, but it is very popular among medieval European knights. The way Europeans grilled sausages seems to be the same as grilling steaks, and they also pay attention to grilling them from medium rare to medium rare. It's cooked, charred on the outside and tender on the inside, so the sausage looks burnt on the outside, but it's still raw on the inside, and the pig blood poured in has barely solidified yet!
Although there are pig blood sellers in Chinese wet markets, Wang Qiu has also eaten pig blood tofu soup and Minnan pig blood cake in restaurants in the past, and thought the taste was not bad, but it was still overcooked. For this half-cooked blood sausage, he could only stay away and thank him.
In addition, if the bread is not soaked in the disgusting pig offal soup (the internal organs are not cleaned), then the black bread will certainly need a pair of iron teeth to chew it, and the hardness of the white bread will not be the same. The hard biscuits of later generations were similar, and the tops were stained with mold, so you had to pick them again and again at the bottom of the mouth. There is also the pickled herring that Europeans often ate in the Middle Ages. If fried, it might taste good, just like Chinese fried stinky tofu. However, these medieval English cooks did not do any cooking and just fried it. Raw pickled herrings are served on a plate with sliced raw onions, said to be eaten in bread - God, doesn't this mean abusing one's nose and testing one's teeth at the same time?
Therefore, the pickled herrings that were assigned to Wang Qiu's dinner plate all ended up being cheaper than those fat cats meowing around under the table.
Then there was a dish of saffron and peach cooked swan meat, which tasted equally weird, making Wang Qiu feel that this was a waste of good ingredients.
Although Wang Qiu, who was sitting on the high platform, ate tasteless and half-starved, the Hogwarts students below ate extremely happily and cheerfully, full of the "simple country charm" unique to medieval Europeans. --look , there are constantly unbelievably dirty fingers poking into half-cooked barbecue or stewed meat, tearing off strips of meat and stuffing it into the mouth; listen, there are constant sounds of belching, billowing, and smelly farts exploding in the hall, celebrating the overload of the diners' stomachs and abdominal distension. , and absolutely no one will think it is rude, but it is generally regarded as a sign of praising the owner's sumptuous meal, similar to applauding in celebration; there are also groups of cats and dogs grinning happily, wandering around the dining tables. Walking, nimbly snatching away the bones and internal organs falling from the sky, like elusive and graceful mobile swill buckets, putting the slaves who were also lying on the ground searching for minced meat to shame...
What, why not use a knife and fork? Alas, nowadays, except for some of the most sophisticated Italians, Christians all over Europe basically eat with their hands. Even among the upper class circles of the aristocracy, the promotion of knives and forks will have to wait until the next century. As for the lower classes, Not to mention the common people... just like The current class of students at Hogwarts is already in its fifth class. Those high-ranking nobles and cultural figures who can come to learn magic have already graduated. The students sitting here now are all small businessmen, small priests, and knights. The lower level people are naturally not so polite and refined.
There is no way, most Europeans in the Middle Ages were just such a bunch of informal and vulgar people. And even in the 21st century, British drunkards are famous for being violent, rude and good at making trouble...even more violent than Russian morons who have drunk enough vodka!
Faced with such a noisy and disgusting scene, like a beggar's gang gathering for a year-end dinner, in order not to destroy his remaining appetite, Wang Qiu had no choice but to lower his head and pretend to be ignorant, while taking a few sips of wine and enjoying the food on the table. The only wheat that can still be eaten Slices of porridge, and add a few spoons of honey to it from time to time to taste - these honeys are original, natural and pollution-free green products, definitely not the fake ones mixed with syrup in later generations: the sucrose that modern people are accustomed to, was not the same in medieval Europe. Unheard of. Cane sugar, native to South and Southeast Asia, did not gradually become the main source of sweeteners on European tables until after the 16th century, with the opening of global trade in the Age of Discovery. Before that, a small amount of sucrose sold from the East along the Silk Road was used by Europeans not as a condiment, but as a tonic like ginseng, and was sold in pharmacies at a high price!
Although when they were collecting untouchables and sudras from India, Venetian merchants also sold a lot of cane sugar in addition to spices and cotton cloth - they bought whatever they saw at a bargain price, but out of habitual thinking, the Venetian merchants still brought back a lot of sugar. These sugars are sold as medicines, and they are absolutely reluctant to be mixed into honey and faked: judging from the actual price, the price of sucrose on the European market these days is even more expensive than honey!
But by the same token, the exquisite desserts in later generations in Britain that were various and colorful enough to make little girls shine (perhaps because the British like to drink afternoon tea, their tea cakes are really good, compared to Their dark cuisine was out of this world) and did not exist in this era, which made Wang Qiu's meal even more unappetizing. It felt like there was not even a bright spot.
At this time, Joan seemed to realize that "Lord Angel" was not satisfied with the dinner dishes. Plantagenet, the loli Queen of England, came over mysteriously and told Wang Qiu, Ma Tong, Li Wei and others who were ignorant of food: The English chefs who prepared this feast had learned from several Italian court jesters. I made a suggestion and created a very original entertainment program, hoping to please all the angels...
Immediately afterwards, under the expectant eyes of everyone, the wooden door of the Hogwarts banquet hall burst open. The band that got the signal played a cheerful flute, while the children from the church choir who were brought in temporarily to cheer up sang loudly. A popular medieval nursery rhyme started:
"...sing a sixpence song,
A whole sack of rye, twenty-four pigeons, baked into a pie,
When all the pie is opened, the birds sing together,
What an exquisite dish, dedicated to the king..."
Amid the singing, six jubilant chefs carried a huge pie on a wooden stand and slowly entered the long hall. The students all stood up, cheered and clinked wine glasses with each other. This giant pie is nearly one meter in diameter. It looks golden brown in color and has a crispy skin... But this is not the point. The point is that inside the pie, there are actually waves of birds screaming and flapping. and slapstick sounds!
——This is another famous royal dish in medieval England: pigeon pie! Specifically, a group of live pigeons were hidden in the empty crust of a pie, just to win the smiles of the court nobles... By the way, this pie was baked with minced pigeon meat!
Regarding the embarrassing "creativity" of the medieval British chef, Wang Qiu has rolled his eyes and is unable to complain...
"...God! I don't want to eat such an absolutely unhygienic thing! God knows if these pigeons pooped in the cake..."
Looking at this huge pigeon pie, "Paladin" Levi raised his glass and took a big sip of wine, and muttered slightly drunkenly, "...Well, I think it must be poop. I have raised birds before. , we know that birds are very poor in self-control and will poop when they are slightly nervous. If you seal so many live birds in a pie, these birds will definitely poop together if they are frightened. I keep pooping, can I still eat this pie? Not to mention bird poop, even if a few bird feathers fall into the pie, I feel very uncomfortable... If it is for entertainment, why not just stuff it? How about a beautiful woman who took off all her clothes? Don’t think I don’t know, there are unscrupulous women staying in the student dormitories of Hogwarts every day..."
"...Hey, are you talking about a live barbecue or a female body cake? Brother Levi! Do you want to be a cannibal?"
Wang Qiu, who was also a little drunk, rolled his eyes and sighed, "...the taste of the former is really too strong. Forgive me that I am not a legendary Tokyo ghoul, and I have never been interested in eating human flesh. As for the latter, Or, I seem to have seen this thing in a certain 18-ban game, in reality I don’t know if there is... But it doesn’t matter, brother Levi, you can definitely find a woman to make it yourself! I will provide the cream, jam, chocolate bars and canned cherries. You just need to take a photo after making the female body cake. Just send it to me so I can give it a try..."
"... Then you have to bathe her ten times first, shave her from head to toe, and finally have her bowels cleaned and fasted - European women in the Middle Ages had strong body odor, and just getting rid of the odor was very troublesome. . Unless you are an underage loli or a young girl, your body odor will be lighter.”
Comrade Li Wei, who recently took advantage of his wife's absence to hunt for beautiful flowers and be extravagant, introduced Wang Qiu like this with great experience.
"...Then, just make a loli cake! Anyway, with your title of 'Paladin', you can easily abduct a group of beautiful lolita from their fanatic mother. And you also Don’t you have a bad habit of pushing Lolita while eating? Shizuka Marikawa warned me in bed that I must not eat while doing such intense exercise, otherwise I will easily suffer from indigestion and stomach problems..."
While the two people were chatting about some unhealthy and inappropriate topics, the entertainment program in the banquet hall continued - the chefs vacated a table, put a huge pigeon pie on it, and then made A "please cut" gesture. Dean of Slytherin Boccaccio and Dean of Gryffindor Jorick gave in to each other, and finally Jolick came on the stage with a strong back and a strong back. The Pope's physician raised a two-handed giant sword that he found from nowhere. He leaned in front of the pigeon pie, made a gesture, and then swung down suddenly, drawing a silver arc.
——At the same time as the pie crust burst open, twenty-four pigeons immediately rushed out impatiently, flying in all directions, and finally flapped their wings and stood on the windows and beams, with feathers flying in the air. The hall was filled with cheers, and the musicians played lively music on harps and flutes.
The head of Gryffindor, Jolick, raised his sword, which was stained with grease, bird feathers and guano, and proudly showed it off to everyone. The servants in the restaurant were busy cutting the pigeon pie into small slices, pouring it with seasoned cheese, and then distributed it to the eager students at the table to enjoy... Just as Wang Qiu was thinking about how to break up his portion of the pigeon pie. When rewarding the servant or feeding the cat, another more terrifying scene appeared:
The door of the banquet hall was loudly pushed open from the outside again, and eighteen chefs came in carrying three pigeon pies of the same size. But this time, even if the Dean of Gryffindor didn't have to slash the pies with his sword, You can see that there is pigeon stuffing inside - the upper body of these poor pigeons rushed out of the pie, but the lower body was submerged in the hard dough. Some of them looked intact, while others were charred and hairless, but they were all exhausted. Staring at the ceiling...
Seeing these "Angry Birds" poking at the pie with a dead look, Wang Qiu, Li Wei and Ma Tong all suddenly lost their minds.
God! What is this? A king-sized "starry sky pie" stuffed with whole pigeon? ! ! This is so "creative"! ! !
How much do you like the idea of "looking up at the stars"! ! ! Why not just poke a living loli and forget it?
After a while, Wang Qiu came to his senses and stood up to ask Qiong. Queen Plantagenet, what on earth is going on with those dove-stuffed "stargazing parties" at the back. Then, a middle-aged aristocratic attendant standing behind the Queen explained on behalf of Her Majesty the Queen, who was somewhat speechless, that because of the difficult craft of hiding live pigeons in pies, it was also the first time for the chefs to try it. Exploring, so the success rate cannot be guaranteed. The three cakes brought up at the back were actually failed attempts by clumsy chefs... However, although these live birds were roasted into dead birds, both the bird meat and the dough skin were still acceptable. Food. Now is the year of great disaster. In order not to waste precious food (pigeons were still quite expensive in the Middle Ages), the chefs still sent these pigeon versions of "starry sky pie" to distribute to the lower classes. edible.
——Well, judging from the poor cooking skills of the British and their internationally renowned dark culinary traditions, an imaginative dish like live bird pie can be made in the hands of a novice English chef by a quarter The success rate is already very good... but , looking at these "angry birds" poking at the noodles, Wang Qiu still felt that his mind was broken and his appetite was completely gone. He had to push away the cups and plates, pause the meal, and prepare to take a walk in the courtyard outside. Take a walk, breathe some fresh air, and change your mood before talking.