Chapter 195 A love brain and a career brain
Lin Feng: "And buddy, you also made a mistake. When a girl like this is in love, she is actually very independent.
Because she knows what she wants, she has suffered a lot in order to live.
But what you do is completely different from her perspective,
Although your family background is not good, you are not as independent as she is, and you don’t have her hardworking spirit.
In it,
Not only do you not work hard on your own, but you don’t even empathize with the other person’s thoughts. ”
Boy: "Can you hear me out?"
Lin Feng shrugged: "Okay, you continue."
Boy: "We have been dating for three years. In fact, we went out to live together after half a year.
Because she was suffering from severe depression when we talked about it, and I stayed with her all the time, and we have been here since half a year later,
I admit that I don’t like learning, but I feel that I am not unmotivated,
Because I do all the cooking, laundry and housework at home,
Moreover, we opened a Taobao store together, and she only opened one store, and I was responsible for all the work in that store.
In fact, every time she said that I was not motivated, I felt aggrieved because the Taobao store had to respond 24 hours a day, and I was working hard. ”
Lin Feng was amused: "Brother, you just said a lot, aren't they all confirming that what I just said is correct.
The lack of progress here is not about whether you work hard or not.
What she wants to see is the actual wealth value.
It’s not how many meals you cook or how much housework you do,
You said your Taobao store responds 24 hours a day.
Let me ask you something.
Did you make any money? ”
The boy was silent.
Lin Feng asked again: "In every quarrel between you in the past, did you express your efforts and grievances like you did today? And did the other party ask you back like I just did, have you made money?"
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The boy was silent again.
Look!
Lin Feng knocked on the blackboard: "That's the problem, buddy, people don't care about the process, only the results.
You said you have no earning power.
You still worry about who pays more and who pays less? That’s not the key to the problem at all, do you understand?
What's the crux of the matter?
It’s the other party’s core needs that you can’t provide.
So what are her core needs?
Either I find someone who can change the trajectory and destiny of my life,
Either my significant other is very capable.
This ability is the ability to make money.
It doesn’t mean that you just need to do housework like a housewife.
Can you understand me? ”
Boy: "Then why is she with me?"
Lin Feng: "Because you two were in a campus romance, and she had no other choice at the time,
When you talk about severe depression, you meet a living Bodhisattva.
Who else would dare to recruit her?
Yes,
That's right.
You walked with her through the most difficult period.
But this doesn’t mean that others will live with you for the rest of their lives.
Your thoughtfulness only meets her staged needs.
Now he has recovered from his illness and has found a decent job.
The core needs that people value now.
Look, buddy,
I have told you so much, but you are still immersed in your own efforts.
This is what I just said, you can't think about the current situation from her perspective.
You are always trapped in your own thinking logic, and you cannot empathize with her.
To put it bluntly,
You two have a love brain and a career brain.
An idealism and a realism.
You are basically people from two different worlds. ”
. . . .
On the barrage.
"Love Brain and Career Brain"
Xiao Wan: "The military advisor said that is great."
Yaoyao: "One talks about love and the other talks about bread."
Tangtang: "I am career-minded, and he is family-minded, so we still can't get married after five years of dating."
July: "What should I do if I am both career-minded and love-minded (cry to death)."
The river flows: "That's good. It means you can do two things at the same time, which means you are super smart."
Have been encouraged.
What a gentle interpretation.
. . . .
Boy: "Starting from this month, I found that she was very ambiguous when chatting with her boss, calling her baby, baby, etc.
This is the bottom line in my heart, it is an unacceptable situation,
But she told me that her company and students all called her that, so she was just joking.
I said yes and I believed it.
She also often told me at home, I'm sorry, I don't have time to accompany me,
But she can stay on the phone with her boss until two in the morning.
I was very angry. When I came out at one o'clock, I looked at her. She also felt my anger, so she came over and looked at me.
Then I just got angry and ignored her, and I just sat outside playing games.
As a result, she went into the room and called that person again.
In fact, these things are a very painful thorn in my heart,
But I feel like I can't live without her.
The real last straw for me was that we actually talked a lot that day, at three or four in the morning,
She had the next day off and originally said she would stay with me at home.
She suddenly said that she was very busy at work, and I agreed.
Because I have a spare mobile phone that she used before,
I'm just going to use that phone to order takeout,
I accidentally saw her taxi record. She didn't go to the company at all.
Then I sent her a message and said, what are you doing?
I questioned her, and she said she went out to eat with her boss.
Damn,
I felt like the sky was falling all of a sudden.
Why did she lie to me?
In fact, I have been asking her, whether you are cheating mentally or in reality,
She always assured me that there was no such thing,
In fact, I believe deep down in my heart that she doesn’t,
But I can't find a reason why she cheated on me? ”
Lin Feng: "You can't find a reason, right? OK, I'll give you a reason, let's talk..."
"Wait a minute, strategist, I haven't finished yet."
Lin Feng: "Damn! There's more? Okay, you continue."
"The next day, I was going to move my things back, but she came back to me in the evening and said she would treat me well,
I felt very uncomfortable at the time, so I said I would go back and rest for two days,
But after I went back and thought about it for two days, I couldn't help but miss him, and I wanted to come back, so I called her and asked her, I said, can you report everything to me in the future and treat me as hers? Only, that's what it means.
But the day before yesterday, she told me that she couldn't do this, and then she wouldn't be herself. Then I felt that after three years of talking, I got sincerity.
But after I calmed down, I wondered if I had hurt her that day because I yelled at her that day, and I started to blame myself. ”
Stop, stop, stop!
Stop talking about Boiling Sheep.
Lin Feng raised his hand and interrupted: "You just want a reason, I'll give it to you.
What do we mean by the ugliness of human nature?
The ugliness of human nature is that when a person looks down on you from the bottom of his heart, no matter how hard you try,
No matter how much compensation you make,
No matter how many sacrifices you make,
You are careful,
You still can't get the other person's love back for you. Because she no longer looks down on you in her heart.
This is actually a value trade-off for you.
When she stands in a position of authority and faces you, she will not feel that you love her because of what you have done.
She couldn't feel it.
So what was she feeling?
For example, if you cook me a meal, as long as I eat it, I am giving you face.
This is an act of reward from a high-ranking person to a low-ranking person.
You're still talking about how hard you work in cooking.
Funny.
In her eyes, all your giving and talking are more like begging from her,
Beggar said, look at me. Look, I am already good enough for you, so just love me.
But in fact, she has been looking down on you from the beginning, and she has been looking down on you, do you understand?
You are not the person she needs most. ”
Boy: "But..."
stop!
Don't interrupt the boiling sheep
Hear me out.
Lin Feng: "Because if you don't understand everything today, you will even blame yourself. Do you think it was because I yelled at her?
Or maybe I didn't control my emotions well when expressing my emotions, which led to her treating me like this today.
None!
In fact, the other party has been making do with it.
Don't expect me to do anything to move you,
Not moved.
Because the location is different.
She is looking down.
So no matter how many changes you make, it will only make her look down on you more. Her kindness to you is a kind of charity, and you are more like begging. ”
Boy: "But why?"
Lin Feng: "How can there be so much in this world? Brother, can you win 5 million by buying lottery tickets?
Can't hit it.
So when we feel that a relationship has deteriorated, we must learn to turn around and walk away.
Instead of asking the other person why he did this to me.
To put it bluntly, you are now using a masochistic way to create the illusion of infatuation,
Standing at the highest point of morality to gain an abnormal sense of satisfaction and security,
The fact is that you don't meet what the other person wants.
It has nothing to do with whether you work hard or not.
Am I saying this bluntly enough? ”
The boy was silent for a while and said: "I understand. In fact, the reason why I'm connecting with you is to get the real answer."
Lin Feng: "So respect her. Everyone has different needs and different choices. You have your own way of sunshine. I will walk my single-plank bridge. If others want to walk, just respect it."
Boy: "But why didn't she say it?"
Lin Feng: "Brother, no one wants to be the bad guy in a relationship, and no one wants to be the one who betrays first,
Everyone is the same,
When it’s time to break up,
It must be all kinds of scapegoating to alleviate one's guilt. ”
Boy: "But if I break up with her, she will come over to me."
Lin Feng was speechless: "No, buddy, I've been talking for a long time and you still haven't understood?
This is not a question of whether she loves you or not.
It is a value trade-off between stage needs and core needs.
It’s not that she doesn’t have feelings for you anymore, it’s that she feels that you are not the best candidate for her after careful consideration.
But there must still be feelings here.
After all, it's been three years.
She is not blind, nor is she a robot. She can feel that you are doing her good by cooking and doing housework.
She must know this.
But this alone is not enough for her to completely entrust herself to you.
Of course, don't take any chances and say that she still loves me.
I said, if a person’s core needs are not met.
This life is not stable.
Once her boss shows her crazy favor, or a better person appears next to her.
She will definitely weigh it in her heart.
At that time,
There is a high probability that you will still be forced out of the game.
And what's the most important thing now?
It's you who have broken up!
They don’t even give you fantasy anymore, buddy. ”
Boy: "But these days I..."
Lin Feng: "Brother, you have already started to act coquettishly with me, you are like a fucking little sissy,
You don't have any charm or attraction in front of women like this.
When I fall in love, I want to find a man who can protect me and stand upright, not a kid who only acts coquettishly, whines, and cries with me.
What I am looking for in a boyfriend is someone who can protect me from wind and rain, not who you are now. ”
Boy: "I understand."
I understand your sister!
Lin Feng: "Can you be a little more like a man?"
"Yeah."
Holy shit!
Lin Feng: "If you say yes again, I'll slap you in the mouth, and you'll be so angry that you can speak in your pubic area, okay?"
"Okay, okay, I'll leave tomorrow."
Not buddy,
You are born with a receptor!
Can we speak in a less coquettish tone?
You are a bit manly.
Lin Feng: "You do it again, and I will teach you how to make your energy sink in your Dantian. Hey, hey, hey, hey, come 5 times."
"Hey, hey, hey, hey."
Damn me. .
Lin Feng turned his head: "I can't teach you this thing, Brother Shui, come here."
Yu Huanshui raised her eyes and leaned in front of the screen: "Brother, your voice is stuck in your throat. Come on, follow my example."
Yu Huanshui turned sideways for the camera.
"Come on brother, stick your butt up, lean your head forward, put your hands on your stomach, pump your lungs, hey, hey, hey."
Poof~
Lin Feng just picked up the water glass and took a sip of water. When he turned around and saw Yu Huanshui's enchanting figure, he burst into laughter.
I'll fuck you.
. . . . .
On the barrage.
Xiaowan: "Brother Shui is so funny, hahaha."
Yaoyao: "I want you to be manly, not sao (laughing to death)."
Xu Xiansen: "The male and female compete for the sao, and they are invincible (I am convinced)."
Stranger: "Brother Poutou (dog head)."
Mi Li: "I slapped my partner on the butt, and all the sound-controlled lights in the building came on (smile)."
The river flows: "So... is it you who are strong, or does he have hemorrhoids (sunglasses)?"
Poof~
Hahahahaha.
(End of chapter)