Chapter 234 My dear mother, why do you control me so much
Depend on!
Crazy!
Kick the two off the mic,
Lin Feng said to the live broadcast room:
"Brothers,
We are not affected by those two perverts.
Let’s go back to the previous topic.
I believe that the girl’s story should not be a script, because there are too many such examples in reality.
Here, I don't want to criticize those little fairies.
I want to talk to you about the importance of communication.
There is a cartoon called Garfield, which everyone should have seen.
I don’t know if you have noticed,
On TV,
Garfield was lost and sold to a pet store. Every day he worried that his owner Jon could not find him, and he missed him very much.
But one morning, Jon walked into the pet store and saw Garfield, and took him home again.
At the end of the TV show, Garfield said to the sunset: I will never ask Jon why he walked into the pet store that day.
He didn't dare to ask,
Because Garfield thinks Jon went into the pet store to buy a new pet.
And Jon never told Garfield that he had traveled all over the city to find him,
That day was when he walked into the last pet shop in the city with his last hope.
The same goes for people,
None of us have God’s perspective,
We can't see each other's contribution, so we will feel unbalanced, suspicious of each other, doubtful and aggrieved, and disappointed.
So stop the emotional internal conflict. Good communication is the best way to solve the problem. ”
. . . . .
On the barrage.
"This is the male and female protagonist (dog head) in the novel who never opened his mouth."
"Hey! Not everyone can hit the straight ball. Character determines a person's behavior."
"Yes, a stubborn person like me will never learn to hit a straight ball (crying to death)."
“If you don’t ask, you’re afraid that you won’t get the answer you want.”
"I don't say it because I'm afraid that if I say it, I'll be considered hypocritical."
So true.
"Summary: You don't ask + I don't tell = misunderstanding (discussion)."
"Supplement: You asked + I said = the battle begins (smile)."
Damn you. .
Ha ha ha ha.
"Is there a possibility:
Garfield: Why did you go to the pet store that day?
Jon: I walked into the last pet store that day with my last glimmer of hope.
Garfield: Humph, do I believe what you say? You just want to buy another cat to replace me.
Jon:? ? What are you talking about? How can I find a cat to replace you, and aren't you back now? I got it back for you, didn’t I?
Garfield: Haha, I think you wanted to buy another cat, but you didn't expect to see me. Did you regret coming to this pet store? It's okay, you don't need to regret it, I'll leave now and make room for the new cat.
Jon: Garfield, what are you talking about? Can you please stop being unreasonable?
Garfield: Am I being unreasonable? Don't you think you just shouldn't go to a pet store? What are you doing there? Don't I know?
Jon: I went to find you. I found you and brought you back.
Garfield: I don’t believe it, let’s break up.
"Military Advisor: Classic, classic, so classic!!"
Hahahahaha.
. . . . . .
Lin Feng: "Everyone is showing off his big teeth, have you found your partner?"
You guys,
Deserve to be single.
Next one.
Ding~
"Hello!"
It's a more mature female voice.
Lin Feng: "Hello, do you have any emotional problems?"
Woman: "It's not an emotional issue, it's my daughter who said she wants to come up and kill you."
? ?
Lin Feng: "I didn't understand, what's the matter?"
Woman: "My daughter will be in her third year of high school in September, and now she has some problems with her studies. As soon as I take care of her, she says she wants to come to you for comment,
To be honest, I haven’t watched your live broadcast and I don’t know you well, but she refuses to obey the discipline and always uses the words you taught me to refute me,
So I came up today to take a look and connect this wheat with you. ”
Lin Feng smiled: "What words did I teach you?"
Woman: "It means that the original family is not good, the parents don't understand the children."
Lin Feng said to the live broadcast room: "Brothers, am I so influential now? I am a teacher of emotions, but I am also involved in the education world?"
The screen was full of laughter.
He also has to be a military advisor.
Bullfrog!
Lin Feng: "Are your children around?"
"Here."
Lin Feng: "Okay, mother, please stop talking now. I'll talk to the child."
"Okay!"
The next second.
"Brother Atong."
? ?
Lin Feng was stunned.
Another veteran fan?
Girl: "Brother Atong, I have been watching your live broadcast for a long time, starting with the original nine-turn fat sausage."
Poof~
The screen was full of laughter.
Newcomers don’t understand.
"What the hell are you doing?"
Stranger: "V I am 50, and I will send you a video."
Big spicy movie: "V I am 70, plus an electric swallowing cannon."
Damn it!
Have anchors played so hard before?
Hahahahaha.
. . . . .
Lin Feng had a black line on his forehead and coughed twice: "My brother won't take care of himself now, will my sister be disappointed?"
The girl shook her head: "No, no. Although puppy love is not allowed in our school and I have never been in love, I think many of what Brother Atong said are very reasonable. He is my life mentor."
Lin Feng smiled: "Come on, tell your story to my brother."
Uh-huh.
Girl: "I am a senior high school student and I go to the best school in the city. My father used to domestically abuse me, and my mother also likes to control me very much."
"Liang Liang, what are you talking about?"
The woman interrupted.
Lin Feng frowned: "Parent, you will have time to speak later, can you please stop interrupting the child now?"
The woman stopped talking.
Lin Feng: "Come on, sister, continue."
Girl: "I suffered from moderate depression before, and now I feel a little hindered in my studies because of this disease."
Lin Feng: "Your father abused you? Just say that your father beat you, right?"
"Yes, the one time that impressed me deeply was when I broke a cup when I was in third grade. He whipped me with a belt and locked me on the balcony for a day.
At that time, the balcony windows were not sealed, and it happened to rain heavily all day, so I squatted in the corner and begged my dad to let me in.
But he ignored me.
Then I fainted and was hospitalized for a week. ”
Lin Feng frowned: "Where's your mother? Didn't she stop you at that time?"
Girl: "My mother was not at home that day."
. . . . .
On the barrage.
"When I was little, my father also beat me with a belt. In the summer, my body was covered with blood marks. I didn't dare to wear short-sleeved shorts (I cried to death)."
"Is the belt awesome? My dad would hit me on the head with an ashtray when he beat me, and my mom would hit me with a rolling pin. Sometimes my mom would come over and pinch me while I was sleeping (smile)."
"No sisters, your mother must be sick (grin)."
"Haha, maybe. Anyway, when she was unhappy, she would knock me out with a stick. Neighbors came to save me a few times."
"Hug you (poor)."
"I'm 20 years old, and I still get beaten when I talk loudly and talk back at home. Can you believe it? (Grinning)"
. . . . .
Recalling the past, the girl felt a little depressed.
Lin Feng: "Sister, brother thinks you are pretty good, because even though you are like this, you still got into the best high school in your city.
You are amazing.
If I want to do this, my dad will beat me every day, and I will definitely not be able to study well,
So I think you are very powerful, you have such a strong sense of power. ”
Girl: "Really?"
Lin Feng: "Of course, you have to know that you can get into the best high school in your city. You have defeated many people. You are really great."
Girl: "Wow, thank you, Brother Atong."
Maybe it was because she hadn't been praised by others for a long time, so the girl suddenly started crying.
Lin Feng did not say anything to dissuade him. Because he knew that the girl needed emotional release at the moment.
When the girl's mood slowly recovered, Lin Feng continued: "Sister, you are not oppressed by a bad family environment, your vitality is naturally strong,
And if you watch your brother’s live broadcast during the summer vacation, you can still ask for help. You have to know that not all children have the courage to even mic,
You are really awesome. ”
Girl: "Thank you, Brother Atong."
Lin Feng: "Tell me, what do you want to ask me? Or what do you want me to help you with?"
Girl: "I...I just don't know what to do?"
Lin Feng: "Are you saying that your father is violent and your mother is very controlling?"
Girl: "Actually, after I got sick, including after my psychology teacher said something to them, they also changed a lot. But after the parent-teacher conference, they began to become unable to communicate again."
Lin Feng thought for a while and said: "Tell brother, were you happy during the time when your parents changed?"
The girl nodded repeatedly: "Happy."
Lin Feng: "At least it shows that your parents can change and can communicate, but they just changed back after the parent-teacher conference, right?"
Girl: "Yes!"
Lin Feng: "Okay, now my brother will teach you a psychological term: transparency bias.
Do you know what it means? ”
The girl shook her head.
Lin Feng: "Transparency bias means that we will overestimate our understanding of other people's mental states,
We also overestimate how well others understand our mental state,
To put it simply, you think you have made it clear and he thinks he understands.
Because each of us faces the world with a self-centered attitude,
Then we are very likely to make a mistake, which is what I think, and you should know it.
It’s like I’m telling Brother Shui now, tonight’s live broadcast, there may be 50,000 or 60,000 people in the room, why are you wearing this black dress?
You see, this is what I think.
I think Brother Shui should know, because at such an important time, you should dress more festively and cheerfully.
Instead of lifeless black clothes.
Wait a minute,
The barrage said: Brother Shui, the military advisor has ordered you.
You guys, stop sowing discord.
There's no such thing, Brother Shui.
You look good in black too.
Of course,
It would be better if you could change into red. ”
Well. . .
Phew~
Hee hee hee.
Brother Shui's innocent look made the girl laugh.
Lin Feng: "So, sister,
That’s how people are,
I think you should know my needs and my thoughts.
Therefore, the other party's feelings will not be considered when expressing.
I thought there was nothing wrong with me, but in fact Brother Shui was very sad.
But if Brother Shui doesn't say anything and keeps his sadness in his heart, then I will never know about it in my life. ”
Yu Huanshui: "Huh, I'm very unhappy!"
Haha,
You see,
That way I'll know.
Lin Feng: "So sister, you and your parents are in such a relationship now.
They use pressure to urge you to study, thinking that you will understand their good intentions.
But can you understand?
You can't.
You will only think that I am depressed, and I am a girl with such a delicate mind. I was hurt like that by you,
Why can't you let me breathe, why do you keep hurting me like this.
They should be able to see the oppression and harm you feel you have suffered.
Actually?
They cannot see.
Why can't they see your sadness, and why can't you see their intentions?
This is the transparency bias.
Everyone looks at the world from a self-centered perspective and feels that my intentions are so obvious. Even if I don’t say it, you should understand.
In fact,
No one is a roundworm in anyone's belly.
You can't understand them 100%.
It’s also impossible for them to empathize with your emotions all the time.
Why did your parents improve last time?
Because the psychology teacher at your school had a communication with your parents.
Do you want me to communicate with your parents this time?
sure.
But sister, remember.
No matter your psychology teacher or Brother Atong, we can’t always be by your side.
So you have to learn to communicate with your parents on your own.
How to communicate specifically?
Very simple.
All you need to remember is three words: everything you ask for.
Thing: Just the truth, tell them the truth is that I am depressed.
Feeling: It means feeling. Tell them that I feel very uncomfortable and uncomfortable now, as if I am sick.
Beg: Just beg, beg your parents to stop torturing you.
Remember, when you feel depressed or suffocated, just express it to your parents. ”
Lin Feng finished speaking.
Not only was the girl lost in thought, but her mother also looked stunned.
Lin Feng: "Sister, you have a naturally tenacious side, because you can get into the best high school in such a high-pressure environment. This is the best proof.
But you shed tears easily, which shows that you are a girl with a delicate mind and a weak heart.
This is not okay.
You must boldly accuse your parents, boldly talk about your pain, and completely break the transparency bias.
Use the method of ‘asking for things’,
Tell them,
I'm in so much pain right now, don't you know?
I'm already moderately depressed, do you still want to force me?
Believe me,
If you don’t express it,
They may really not know.
Just like when my brother was a kid, every time he visited relatives during the Chinese New Year,
My mother would drag me to perform in front of relatives.
I was young then,
We are also a conspicuous bag.
I just put on a show for everyone, such as reciting Tang poetry, playing with a stick, drunken boxing, and doing the splits.
The adults laugh, and we are happy too.
Later it got bigger.
My mother also dragged me to perform.
If I don't express it, my mother will never know that I have grown up, have self-esteem, and become thin-skinned.
For several years, I lost my temper and made trouble for my mother.
Later, I expressed my thoughts to my mother,
I still remember my mother saying to me, son, why didn’t you tell your mother earlier that it was her fault.
That time my mother admitted her mistake to me very deeply.
And from then on, my mother never let me perform again.
Even if my relatives make trouble, my mother will help me find reasons.
This is transparency bias,
You think your mother should know that you have grown up and have self-esteem, so she should stop dragging you out to perform.
But if you don’t express it, she may really not know.
So when you feel uncomfortable, express it.
If they don’t understand yet,
That means you are not strong enough,
You need to make more effort to tell them how hurt you are.
It's better to give an example to make it easier for them to understand.
For example, when you were in third grade, you just broke an ordinary glass, and then your dad beat you with a belt, locked you outside on the balcony in the rain for a day, and you ended up being hospitalized for a week.
Now that you are a senior in high school, you can still clearly remember every detail of the day.
Why is memory so good?
Because you will never forget the fear of that day! !
You can boldly ask your dad why you did that to me! !
It’s just a glass, and you whip me with a belt and let me get wet in the rain? !
Do you know that you have left a lifelong psychological shadow on me? !
And you,
My dear mother,
Why weren't you there when I needed you most? ! !
Why do you still control me when you know I've been hurt so much? !
Am I your daughter? ! ! ”
After Lin Feng finished speaking,
The entire live broadcast room was quiet. . .
(End of chapter)